Malathi And Her Mother-in-law - A Real Life Story!

I must ask why we as woman place so much importance on our MIL liking us, approving us and validating us. I am equally guilty and probably secretly feel that I wish she like me but does not. How come our whole life has to surround around making MIL happy. Hats off to Malathi but she ended up cheating herself out of a lot of things. It seems she put a lot of focus on her MIL. Malathi never gave up her dream that her MIL would validate and love her one day and she got that. But we as women and DIL should we hold on to this hope for our entire lives and at what cost? I too am constantly accused of controlling my husband and turning him against his mom, but I don't. Do I defend myself, no and I could because I am a lawyer and know how to argue. But I know it wil not change anything. I know my truth and that is good enough. I think woman like Malathi are setting up the bar way too high for other woman who are expected to do the same.

 

Story was really nice...as already being said that malathi was special as she didn't lost herself in hatred....instead of becoming a negative person she blossomed into a very positive and learned personality....

but 2 doubts come to my mind

1. if she wouldn't have started living separately....had she achieved the same if she continued living with her MIL....

2. her MIL's word in her last time....wasn't it her MIL's guilt(and desperation of getting rid of her sin ) or she really acknowledged malathi???

what part I liked most is

“Shiva worshipped his mother. Can you bear to hear something bad about the God you worship?”

I was rendered speechless. Malathi continued.

“Even assuming that Shiva would have fought for me, that would have only made a mess of every thing. The family would have split. And all of us would be carrying the bitterness to our graves. I personally thought that it was not worth it.”

these words of malathi are true even today....firstly husband doesn't like to fight against their mother even if they do so it becomes mess....and bitterness arrives in every relationship....even than DIL's life is not happy....as husband is not happy....

sometimes I feel this problem has no solution...if you have bad in laws... your life is doomed in both ways...if you fight or don't fight...your life cant be completely happy....

 

Re: Tears of Joy or Sorrow!

Nice story...In those days many women(child, adult or old) sacrificed their lives for others , the greatest example is all the widows we see in Benaras or Varanasi. People like you will admire those ladies who sacrifice their lives for their dead husband and People like Oprah winfrey (Who herself is a great example) will come and question "Is Indian family system about this.?"

Anyways even i admire my mother who has even sacrificed her life for me , my father, family , friends etc.

But when she was dying of a terminal disease i have seen in her eyes the pain that she took life for granted.

I personally feel in developed countries people are more honest, loyal, disciplined etc coz their mothers were happy. At one point Malathi would also feel bitter but won't show coz she's graceful like my mother but if you look deeply you could find that when she says "Even maids maid’s husband coming to our house every evening (that was during 70s) to pick her up for an evening movie or an outing."

Moral of the story - When life gives you husband like Shiva, Better be Malathi.

 

Nice story. Hadn't she got a chance to move out of house, how long would she be able to bear her mil? Agreed, unconditional love is a great medicine, but accounting the time it takes, is the pain worth giving time, and more time?

 

I agree with coolgal123.

Your life is doomed no matter what if you have a bad in laws. As they say, blood is thicker than water, so no husband would be ready to confront against their own blood relatives, specially mothers for anyone, anything. If they do so, they would definitely make it as a big mess, which creates further problems only.

Even if not, the things won't be the same as before since your husband is not happy inside, but pretending to be okay to manage the situation. Whatever it may be, the life of a woman (daughter in law) is lost in this middle of all confusions. Better to marry someone who does not have a parent, or you must make sure that you have found the good souls as in laws, else remain single - Life is much better this way

 

Is it just me or does anyone else here feel that Malathi's MIL was mentally disturbed and sadist. The MIL needed some serious psychiatrist intervention !! Malathi seemed to be a clever woman who identified the insecurities and sadistic triggers of her MIL and tactfully dealt with it. It is more easier to have an emotional outburst when some one is trying to bully you and cut off relationship with them, Malathi seemed to be clever and intelligent as she analyzed her situation and opted for the best strategies she had at hand to calm down her MILs insecurities and her husband's clinginess to his mom.

With all due respect to Malathi -Now the question is whether a woman of this generation should try to win the love of a sadist by making so many sacrifices? My answer would be a stern No. A sadist should see a psychiatrist rather than be let to spoil lives. If a husband acts mute when his mother abuses his wife then he simply does not deserve a wife..

 

My heart weeps for all those who have suffered and are still suffering. May the people responsible for this, see the light before it's too late.

 

Perhaps the prvious genaration had a sense of guilt and affection. Even I heard my mom saying that her MIL always used to encourage dad to take my mom out assuring that she would take care of my sis.
Not that thet were ideal MIL and DIL. They had their own issues. But there was affection also among them also.
And hence whatever be the MIL DIL issues end of the day they would be alright.
The patience and tolerance levels were equally high in both of them be it withstanding the taunts and showing of the insecurities.
But what about present generation? Does that love and affection exist? MIL treats DIL as if she has come to snatch her son away from her(No exceptions of Love and arranged Marriages here). DIL would feel all MILs are born insecured.
Its just a sort of live in reltionship. Sharing the same roof.

6 out of 10 married women at work places will be discussing about their MILs while in canteen. That clears the intensity of the problem.

Its difficult to be an ideal MIL or DIL. All in all a challenging relationship which has to borne for the sake of Husband/son.

 

Very good snippet.. My eyes are wet!!!

 

Too much to hope for!