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Making Life Complicated

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by monlisa, Dec 7, 2007.

  1. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    Hi gals….I am facing a strange problem in my life…My husband is a good person and he loves me a lot…but the problem is he over reacts to simple issues and causes so many problems….he is a very angry person and when he get anger no one can control him…or even he cannot control himself he behaves very strangely and rudely and punishes himself very hardly….he troughs evry thing in the house and hits his head whatever find him at that time …and he broken glasses, windows, plates, lamps and so many …..by god grace ...he never did anything to me but he acts strangely and makes me terrified…he gets anger for simple things and he goes wild and behaves like a psycho and makes all things worst….I don’t know what to do…pls gals suggest me if there is anything that I can make him to change in to normal guy…..
    Usually he thinks everything in a negatively and looks into all possible worst things that may happen….…sometimes I don’t understand why he is shouting at me…..he is very very very tempered person..... after our marriage all his friends and his parents told me about this…but no one said this before marriage…..
    People say I am the only one who can control his anger ….but I feel like I am the one who is suffering from this….pls gals any inputs will be appreciated ….
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2007
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  2. imemyself

    imemyself Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Monlisa,
    From the signature u have given ,it shows ur carry a very positive attitude and that will definitley help u overcome this issue in ur life!

    First,u said he is very loving and caring...so..y not try to find a moment when u both are free and when ur having some nice conversation and u realise he is at his best mood....slowly put fwd the question something like ...tell him that u love him lotsss and tell that when he gets angry u are getting scared and ask him what he feels when he loses his temper!!!

    I am sure his nature is a bit out of control when angry and so he might require professional help!
    But talking him into getting the help is in ur hands!!!Be very loving and calm and talk to him!!
    It's better u do it at the earliest...cause if at all he loses control and harms u!!!?
    When angry some ppl go blind and they won't realise what they r doing!!
    So try to get help for him as soon as possible and try to maintain a very calm atmosphere at home!!!

    Everything will definitely be allright!!!

    No worries!!

    Luv,
    Jaya
     
  3. mouli_7

    mouli_7 New IL'ite

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    dear mona,
    Hi, first of all I don't know my mail won't help to take u're worries, but i can assure u with a same problem my bhabhi had, n she is now happily married with 2 kids. I am telling u wht she did, but mona this takes lot of patience n time though,
    He's my distant brother, he use to be the same as u're husband's today. My bhabhi had a slight insight, but she didn't know the extreem he get to. She was shocked n felt miserable, she was expecting a dream like marriage n she faced a terror, but she wanted herlife to be as beautiful n happy as others so she worked out like this,
    she didn't complain abt this with him, but showed him howz it affecting their marriage by silent approach, when he had episodes like this, she use to simply leave the room n lock herself in another, n stay calm until he calms down, then after that she use to come quitly outof the room n cleans the mess he use to make, n ask him is he feeling better? n ask wht he would like to eat r go out for a nice time n so on................, so she took over him by loving him more n more,he was better after that.after some time she convinced to take a proffessional help n he agreed, he's improved a lot.
    Mona as u r staying +ve today, it takes lot of courage, i know wht u're going thr'', i hope this hepls
    bye take care\
    shwetha
     
  4. suma21

    suma21 New IL'ite

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    Hi Mona,

    I know a friend who had same issue he was very nice person but when angry used to behave similar way as u have mentioned...My friend earlier use to ask him what is the cause of anger to help him & it use to go into more argument s& no solution.What she did was as swetha has mentioned loved him more & praised him even if he does mistake.Now they r very happy family..but she acted like anger absorber thru her patience.She found the root cause as she says is "his childhood",his parents use to love his sister & always curse him & never care for him,but he loved them a lot & this action is his accumulated frustuation which he express in harsh way....he basically does not know how to express his feelings...u need to train & guide him slowly with lots of love ,as if he is ur kid who needs help.....never ask him why he gets angry,it will trigger it more.....Keep us updated & let us know what worked for u...

    Hope this helps,Good luck,
    Suma
     
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  5. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    [FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']Hi Jaya….thanks for your reply…..I tried that and explained him how I feel why he gets angry…and suggested him so many time( not in a professional way) and I love him a lot …..and he promised me several times and said that he never do it again…. But he does that every time…..we have been married for two years …..in our first year he was so calm and never did this like that…but from second year the things are getting worst…..he is becoming angry for simple things….I am sure that he will never harms me…..What type of health do you want me to get for him?
     
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  6. imemyself

    imemyself Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Mona,
    So u have taken the first step of talking to him and I am surprised that the first year in ur marriage was peaceful and it all started in the 2'nd yr!!!

    Well...his family mentioned to u abt his personality disorder after ur marriage right?? so it means he had this pblm before ur marriage!!
    Y not do one thing...try searching ur hubby's medical file...if any! Try to search his files or his suitcase to check for any medical records...!!

    If u don't find any..then..when he is in his best mood ...ask him if he wld like to meet a doctor for this..cause this need not be any mental health issue alone...it can also b related to some other illness..!! I read in someother thread abt this...! Try taking a blood test to ensure everything is allright!!!!



    Luv,
    Jaya
     
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  7. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Others have suggested some useful pointers. Follow them.
    However I feel your husband is sufferring medically. It could be bipolar or any stress anxiety. Please take your husband to a doctor (even a general physician). Before you visit physician, make sure you tell him all the things in detail. Then follow the advice.

    And Dont mention to him or any family that you are taking him for this kind of treatment. Doctors are very co-operative here, once you tell them whole context.

    Treat this as an alarming signal from his body. He may be biologically suffering..

    Regards,
    Ria
     
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  8. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Monlisa,

    First and foremost try to rule out any medical issues. So talk to your doctor. If there any medical issues, no matter how much you try "talking things out" it will not have any effect. Hormones can affect a persons moods big time. For example people who have hyperthyroid get irritated and angry very easily. The condition can be easily treated.

    Thanks,
    Kavya


     
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