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Majority women are possessive tribals of 1st century BC about money in marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sonalie, Oct 8, 2009.

  1. sonalie

    sonalie Junior IL'ite

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    well, here I bomb again and hope you are able to get the gist of what i am trying to say to improve your own lives:

    i recently read one quote by ex miss universe that she still has nt got married because she hasnt found a boyfriend who can afford her and earn more than her...
    phew that is clearly a tribal mentality that my husband family should be richer than my family or atleast husband should earn more than wife...
    when will indian women become real modern and believe in equality..

    i know most of you will yell that husbands have egos if wives earn more than him. i found it to be totally baseless... havent you seen very successful husbands giving respect to wives who are earning very less / or even nil...
    can a wife even dream to provide his husband same respect..

    let me give you an example..husband earnig 1 lac per month give good respect to wife who earn 7500 per month.....

    can you even imagine giving your husband the same respect and importance and peace if you are earning 75000 per month and he is earning 35000 per month...

    and then some lament when they are about to be aged 40, hey there are no men available, hey if you are successful woman, marry a boy from lower family, tumhare ghar ka naukar ka kharcha bhi bach jayega or rickshaw ki money bhi bachegi...and he will use eco friendly transport.. cycle...

    and now come to another tribal mentality that some ladies need to change, why your over possessive blood boils if your husband send 200 -500 usd per month to his parents or family...why you want his 100 percent all accounted for but at the same time , you dont feel like partaking even 10% of your own for him or joint family expenses...

    if you are already pitching in equally with ur salary and you are happy with your husband paying respect to his poarents, i commend you on your progressiveness and i hope your tribe increases...

    now, let us set the ball rolling
     
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  2. meerajesh59

    meerajesh59 Gold IL'ite

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    Well done Sonalie, Nice Thread.
    I go with u.
    There are some women who are still under the arms of men and getting permissions for even talking to their parents. But they are very few.
    Recently I went to a matrimonial center where I met a girl who is seeking a guy without parents. How selfish these girls are? Nowadays girls are having lot of criterias for their marriage but no one includes good family background or nice guy.
    This makes me sad. Which make these girls to think like this?
    a) Education?
    If yes that is wrong.
    It should give only confidence to us that we can face any problem in our life.
    b) Money?
    If money,
    Earning at 20's makes us to think like that or earning in lacs.
    In a married life money should be a criteria but it should not only the criteria

    Girls think twice before making a decision. Check whether your criteria's are valid?

    With Regards
    Meena Rajesh
     
  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sonalie - I have observed that you come here post a controversial topic and get women all riled up. And to keep the thread going you come up with one liners occasionally ;) I'm not suggesting that you are wrong but tell me something, how is this helping anyone? Improve our own lives in what way?

    Btw, I don't think RESPECT to spouse comes with a tag - earning/not earning, less/more, husband/wife etc etc... I don't think there is a male/female distinction when it comes to disrespect. Some people(male or female) are just disrespectful to their spouses and some respect the spouse. How can anything be generalized as ALL men are like this or ALL women are like this???

    WRT the miss universe - it's her life and if she wants to marry someone with all the $$$ so be it. I don't think ALL women look at marriage in terms of finding a lifetime wallet. This is just my personal opinion.....
     
  4. Cool1

    Cool1 New IL'ite

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    Hmm..I feel there are lot of things to this thread..Every parent when searcing for a groom for their daughter checks out if the guy is earning well..atleast more then their daughter..Then the guy is called well settled...So no one can help that..The difference can be marginal but not too much...
    Coming to sending money home..i dont think most of the girls will have any issues with that since we expect the same from our brothers...only concern is that their should be enough savings for future at least for the kids and the money should be used sensibly...
    Now a days everyone's mentality has changed..Most of the men opt for working wives.Have we ever analysed why...Because they dont want to end up with wives cribbing for money for their own needs or maybe because they dont want any financial strains as far as wife is concerned...No harm in that either..
    I agree that their are few as what Meera mentioned..but then atleast such girls are honest to themselves..they dont end up getting married and then fighting over trivial issues...

    I think the most important thing is respect..That has to be there..nobody in the family can point fingers to the wife's family and the husband not defending her..Its wrong even morally and that hurts..this is my opinion:)
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2009
  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Reg point on why women seek for men with sal higher than theirs:
    My personal experience.. i went ahead selecting a person (arranged marr) earning lesser than me over a person who was earning triple to me.... reason I found mental compatibility with now my DH.

    Everything was going fine till my DH ended up disclosing my take home to his mother post marriage... all hell broke!! All minor conflicts got associated to economic dominance..
    Within a year he rose much higher than what/ where I was still a disghusting seed was sown..

    You cant ensure that the whole world around you will take it positive no matter how mature your DH u feel is/ was. So take a call.. its not just a indian mental setup... globally same pressure creeps into relation.. hence it should be also considered few of precautionary measures.
     
  6. sonalie

    sonalie Junior IL'ite

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    Nice observation, sister. i have posted topics that are very closer to reality and you may preceive them to be controversial. and you are write about my posting frequency. I rarely comment on someone else posts and write my posts once a month or so...this posts comes almost after 8-9 months.
    actually apart from IT manager, i am co play writer too and now we are producing a play in delhi based on movie love aaj kal.
    Love aaj kal ki reality : 2.5 akshar prem ka ya 12.5 lacs per annum


    about my earlier posts:


    i have seen people get agitated over trivial issues in their lives. my posts sometimes touch those topics. I am sure that by reading my earlier posts, atleast 5-6 people saw their own life in a new perspective and i got thank you notes from them later.

    I m not saying DHs are all good or wives are all good. I have never generalized and irony is, it is my post thats stand solidly against the common generalization in 90% of the posts that all MIL and SILs do is bitch and emotionally torture poor, abla, no wild tongue in their mouth, no fury in their eyes , no control freakness in their methods, no mad threats in their vocabulary, simple sober innocent daughter in law.

    ciao girls, enjoy the humour.
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I didn't talk about frequency of posts. I just made an observation about the topics you choose to post. And I was wondering how it was going to help IMPROVE my life, like you suggested. Thanks for pointing out the usefulness of the other posts of yours. I thought you were trying to get people to react.

    And maybe 90% of the OTHER posters are actually facing problems that they come here to get solutions to. I would not use the words "BITCH" about other posters nor would I call them "CONTROL FREAKS" or "WILD TONGUED" or "EMOTIONAL TORTURERS". These are women who come here to post their issues and seek support or advice. I would never JUDGE them by the facts they state in their posts.

    Btw - maybe I misread your post but these sentences made me think that you were referring to WOMEN in general - this is the reason i asked why generalize based on gender. Correct me if I'm wrong...


    And fyi - Let me reiterate, any sane woman here or in any other location will say that respect for husband is not dependent on his wallet size. What if he has a great job and later looses it(cycle the respect depending on his paycheck is it?). What if he is a millionaire and abusive(respect him for the sake of his millions??). I don't think RESPECT comes from his income. He needs to EARN respect based on a lot of factors, least of which is his income.
     
  8. sankar2008

    sankar2008 New IL'ite

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    Though many women or male dont give too much importance to wallet once marriage is over. But honestly let us understand a fact that for security reason before marriage girl or their parents search for a good husband and most of the tag attched with good husband isr--good-job with handsome money and asset. I am not saying this is wrong and it is always right when we think in the shoe of the girl parents. Its not same case when it comes to searching of brides.

    Though I accept that women(higher earning woves) wont treat the male(lower salary) like the same way how males(high salary husbands)treat their better half.For this we cant blame everytime the ladies. Most of the time, if you approach this issue holisticaly the reason will be again male tendency of fear of insecurity. So we cant blame ladies for this and males need to take respomsbility for little narrow mind and insecured feeling by lower income males.

    Anyway we cant change any one life by this thread or their destiny. It is more of knowledge sharing the mind relaxation.

    Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2009
  9. Sunshine123

    Sunshine123 New IL'ite

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    Last edited: Oct 8, 2009
  10. indianlady1

    indianlady1 New IL'ite

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    I agree with Laks09 and Sunshine123

    "can you even imagine giving your husband the same respect and importance and peace if you are earning 75000 per month and he is earning 35000 per month...
    "

    My mother earns more than my father..my dad is actually very proud of that and wants her to be even more successful...my mom always respects and consults my dad...and pls note..both are highly qualified professionals...so lady its a 2 way street..also my dad was/is always the head of the family...my mom earning more did not make him a chicken head

    Also what simple to one maybe difficult for another..To you many maybe simple or non existent issues...good for you
    But that does not mean it gives you the right to be judgemental
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2009

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