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Maintaining Harmony at home

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Devika Menon, Jan 11, 2008.

  1. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    These days I feel one of the most leading topics is the relation between husbands and wives. Basically times have changed and also the outlook of life. The Stress of our hectic living has somehow crept into our homes, at times marring the delicate relation between spouses.
    How do we at these trying times maintain a strong relation with our spouses?. I for one feel that the number of hours spent is not important , but the quality of the little time spent makes a lot of difference. Many of my friends feel that their husbands spend very little time with them,and so end up fighting about it during that little time , and wasting it too. Infact such an attitude may drive the husbands still further. It is imperative to spend quality time with your husband, and steal those little hours to give maximum joy to each other. I invite all my friends to share their secrets to help others to improve on one of the most treasured relation.

    Devika Menon
     
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  2. Pia

    Pia New IL'ite

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    I think that first of all, communication is very important between husbands and wives.We should also have a good understanding between eachother.
    If your friends see that their husbands are fighting alot,they should keep quiet for the time being.Seeing the perfect time and situation,try to come up with their point of views.Also giving time and space to eachother is very IMPORTANT.

    I hope that this helps you abit.do let me know!!!
     
  3. hydgrr

    hydgrr Bronze IL'ite

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    I definitely agree that understanding each other and communication is imp between couples to avoid fights.
    Also giving a little personal space to each other is imp in a marriage is wht i feel.
    -Priya
     
  4. SoaringSpirit

    SoaringSpirit Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Devika,
    A very pertinent topic for today’s fast paced lifestyle! I see so many examples around like the ones you have mentioned. Indeed, if one could only focus on making the time we have together memorable, then life would surely be much better.

    In my list these are the things in order of their importance -
    1. Learn to have a good time with yourself: Yourself in this context means everything you like or like to do, minus husband :). We need to train ourselves to enjoy our own company the most. This is a real tough one. However, I think it is the most crucial one too. We have to learn not just to have a life of our own but to enjoy it too. If we adopt the attitude – “If he is with me I will be “more” happy but even if he is not, I will still be happy”, then I think there will be no, or at least, minimal disappointments.
    Hey, I am writing this knowing very well that I myself need to follow this advice! J. I tell myself that practice will get me to a point where it will come to me naturally and so I try to practice this as much as I can.

    2. Discuss each others expectations and together decide on the ones that will be fulfilled: Both husband and wife should openly talk about what are their expectations from each other on the amount of time they would like to spend in each others company on a daily/weekly basis. Ideally what would they like to do in that time? This is the discussion part.
    Then comes the deciding part where they both import these ideal expectations into the reality called life. Is it possible to fulfill all of these expectations to the fullest? If not, how many can be fulfilled and to what extent? Is there a plan to fulfill the remaining expectations in near future or are these expectations out of line with what is possible (in which case these need to be modified/altered).
    In short, know each other’s expectations and strike a clear understanding on what will be fulfilled and to what extent.

    3. Let go: If things don’t go as per plan, re-discuss and re-plan. If still they don’t work out as per your wishes then try until you have the patience to keep trying happily. Otherwise, just let go of the expectation knowing that you are already #1 (happy with yourself! J).

    I know all of this is far from easy! But worth trying I guess.

    SS
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2008
  5. Falguni

    Falguni New IL'ite

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    I agree with Priya that although it is important to spend time together, it is equally important to spend time apart.

    Also, I would like to add to SS's list. It is essential that you leave your ego under lock and key with the key deep into the ocean in all your dealings with your spouse. If only you see your spouse as an extension of yourself will you have a successful relationship. When the expectations to be fulfilled have to go through "why your expectations first and mine later?", that is the root cause of problem. I hope I am not too confusing!
     
  6. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Very nice topic devika

    And As usual great points by SS.

    Pia, Priya and Falguni, You guys are right on the mark for very pragmatic suggestions.

    I would just add my additional cents

    - I think including Humour in day to day life goes loong long way to build any long term companionship. In daily struggle of making ends meet, we all tend to keep it low priority. So chuckle with your man, even if he doesnot show interest at beginning, Crack some jokes, Form funny one liners and laugh your heart out. You will realise half the troubles were not even real in your mind.

    - Have easy attitude in life on 80% of things. This will sail your boat much smoothly. Purpose of life is not have a spic clean house or a orderly husband or totally mechanically disciplined kids.. Its to explore the being called life and enjoy it.

    - Try to be the buddy to your guy, this is hardest and easiest thing. Easiest if you have cracked what he looks in his friends and what he enjoy most with them. Hardest if after years of living together , you havent got a clue how to be his friend.

    - Let loose some days, Do crazy things. Have some playful games with your hubby and you. It could be as crazy as having a pillow fight or just anything, whicever suit both of your personality. The point is to lighten the struggle called life.

    Best Regards
    Ria
     
  7. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    As usual wonderful suggestions from SS n Rai. I also agree with Pia, Priya & Falguni.

    As i fall somewhat in this category...here i go as to how i handle these situations.

    Till last year even i was working full time...this year i have taken it easy and hene get so much time for IL.

    From my experience of 13+ yrs of married life i have realised that cribbing takes you nowhere except spoiling your own health and not gaining anything other than falling in the eyes of your husband and relatives.

    I also know that his job is very demanding and couple of days a week he comes home past mid-night and also has to work over the weekends...even though we have 5 day week. Also, many a times phone calls start as early as 7 in the morning. But i can't crib about this as it comes along as part n parcel with the position he holds.

    We always try to have b/fast, lunch and dinner together. Dinner is not always possible...we wait till 8.30 if my DH dosen't turn up we have our food. But when he comes i sit with him while he haves his dinner. During these meals we get atleast 15 min each...that time we talk shop as my niece and SIL are also there at the table. So all exchanging or having small talks.

    Also, my DH speaks very less..earlier i always used to say that you never share anything with me...but as time passed i realised he is that way and i have to accept it.

    I have started pursuing my interests...and he helps me whenever he has time or vice versa.

    If ever we have fights...we don't let it linger more that an hour..back to normal routine ASAP. Life is too short to dwell on petty things.

    WE normally entertain people at home...so i do the cooking and other things and serving and looking after the guests during food time is his responsibility. If ever he has time he comes and helps in the kitchen.

    Whatever we do we all do things as a team...within the house its the 2 of us, the 2 girls and my maid.

    Locally we don't go out too much i.e for dinner, movies etc. but we regularly take a holiday instead, atleast once a year.

    We have mutually decided that we don't give flowers, cards and gifts on ocassions. Gifts mayb yes...but no unnecessary spending on flowers and cards (environment friendly).

    Every day is special for us...so on special occasions we don't always go out. It depends on his work schedule.

    I don't want to elaborate too much on this list...but last and not the least.

    ENJOYING EVERY MIN. OF TOGETHERNESS INSTEAD OF WASTING IT IN FIGHTING ON PETTY THINGS.

    and SATISFACTION being the key to successful life.

    Roopa.
     
  8. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    My tips:
    1) Try to crack jokes and have a jovial atmosphere.
    2) Develop some common interests.
    3) Try to exercise together or go on long walks.

    kavya
     
  9. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Thankyou Pia,Priya,SS, Falguni, Ria, Falguni, Roopa for your valuable inputs . I 'm sure these tips will come handy for all trying to strike a perfect balance at home.

    God Bless,

    Devika
     
  10. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Thanx for the tips Kavya.

    God Bless,

    Devika

    quote=kavya007;238130]Hi,

    My tips:
    1) Try to crack jokes and have a jovial atmosphere.
    2) Develop some common interests.
    3) Try to exercise together or go on long walks.

    kavya[/quote]
     

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