1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Main apni favourite hun..

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sweetestshweta, Jun 18, 2014.

  1. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    416
    Likes Received:
    580
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey pretty ladies..Don't get confused with the title..
    As I posted earlier,I am getting a hold of things and trying to make the best of situations.MIL-SIL are greedy,conniving females-I have to deal with them..What to do-no exchange offer nayumsmiley

    I have been fulfilling all my duties-as a mother,as a wife,as a DIL-SIL and as a daughter(in that order)..
    I am also pampering myself once in a while and I am at peace by and large..
    But I want to share with you all one hidden string of sadness in me.I have always been very sincere-as a kid,as a student and in my relations too.I was respected and loved a lot in my parents' home.My only sibling,my brother-when he got married,I gave way to my bhabhi.Never tried to be bossy,always helped her,acted as a bridge between her and my parents,never interfered.I always felt that she has left her family for my brother and its our duty to pamper her and love her.She is the family's darling now-the apple of everyone's eye.I am really happy for her..

    I always thought that like my bhabhi,who is now everyone's favourite in my parent's house-I'll get the same love at my husband's place.I tried everything to keep my MIL happy,did so much for SIL and every member of family.I take such special care of all of them but my dream of being a favourite in this house is still a dream.
    It pains me to see that my MIL's priority list includes my SIL,co-sis and then me(in that order).She is so biased,always taking their sides,always pretending as though she is fair and equally loves all but in reality,I am the last!!

    I am trying not to think about this and fulfil all my duties sincerely.But sometimes it makes me sad.Where is my abode?Whose favourite am I?Will I ever get the kind of love,care and pampering my bhabhi gets from my mom or my nanad gets from my MIL?Why is life unfair?Why do some people get to perform duties only while others enjoy on others' hard earned money? Why are my suggestions never weighed in my house whereas people around and bosses clearly appreciate them?

    I know I should look at the brighter side-that my DH and LO are there and I am truly blessed and that some people don't even have what I have.. I know all this and I appreciate that.. But it sometimes stings and I can't stop those tears in my eyes which do not even have an audience..

    Still,I am happy..I am a tough nut..And so what if I am no one's favourite!
    I have you all.You all are my friends who lift my spirits every single timeconsole1
    I love myself and I am my own favourite:banana
     
    10 people like this.
    Loading...

  2. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    717
    Likes Received:
    599
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    XOXO u r always ur child's favorite anyways, why does it matter abotu anybody else. Isn't it fantastic u can be mother first and then evertything else.

    They r so many of us here who can not be mother first though they want to.

    so just enjoy motherhood
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. chillbreeze

    chillbreeze Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,962
    Likes Received:
    2,743
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Swetha, many of us are in similar position. We were brought up so lovingly in our parents' home and we look forward to gain similar love in ils' place as well. Later, we realize, love is hard, at least let them like me and then it turns to it will be great if they can at least accept me for who I am. Though there are families that treat dils as the same way as daughters, I guess ours are not that kind, otherwise we wouldn't be here.

    Sil will always be first priority to ils as she is their own daughter and it is a bond that can't be replaced. I don't have a co-sis but I have a sil and I have accepted that she will be ils' apple of eye always. I too do my chores sincerely for them but don't go overboard or expect anything from ils.

    PS. You know what I love most about your posts. Your positive attitude. I am gonna keep telling myself I am my favorite. Keep going girl.:2thumbsup:
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    416
    Likes Received:
    580
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Anamika..
    Yeah I know this.That's why I said-
    I have been fulfilling all my duties-as a mother,as a wife,as a DIL-SIL and as a daughter(in that order)..
    I am also pampering myself once in a while and I am at peace by and large..

    But life cannot always be compartmentalised.That if I am a mother,I shouldn't wish or expect anything else!!That if I have clothes to wear and food to eat,I shouldn't expect love,respect and care..
    Anyways,I was just mentioning about a vacuum,an empty space in my heart which sometimes gets filled with pain..
    Thanks
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    416
    Likes Received:
    580
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks ChillBreeze..
    There were times initially when I was bogged down,I was angry and frustrated.I couldn't understand and take this biasness and partial attitude,their callousness,their incessant demands.I used to be wounded often not knowing where to go.But this forum has been my biggest anchor.Lovely ladies like you have kept me sane.I cherish my life and my blessings much more now because I know that some of my sisters here are suffering much more.
    Let us be strong and be each others' support..
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. neetugtb

    neetugtb Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    100
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Shweta, you sure are the sweetest dear. :exactly:I have 2 co-sis, my only SIL lives in the same lane. My SIL's status is unreachable, just imagine my MIL goes in the morning & she comes in the evening daily to catch up with the latest on us. Result-all the DIL ultimately got separated in the same house though in a very tight fashion, yet away from their direct/indirect interference. Mil in her 70s yet wants to be fully independent, always used a strategy of divide & rule by hyping about one DIL at a time. DILs in their quest to become a favorite go on getting used by her to achieve her selfish ends. The order changes everytime acc. to wants, we all know & enjoy the attention at our turn and try sherking away thinkingsmileyas far as possible when other way around. Funny but ways of life and balance of power.
     
    2 people like this.
  7. stillwaters

    stillwaters Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    608
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear shweta
    always hold on to the thought that you are your favorite

    do not crave for something from people who are not capable of giving
    that is human nature when they realize you want something from them they will use it to hurt you
    just let them feel that you are doing your duties just as duties but not because you want them to appreciate you
    divert all your energies to your children give them lot of love and attention spend time happily with your children & talk or chat with your own family make your bhabhi your best friend
    call her frequently & discuss all fun things be close to your other family members
    make friends and have outings with them
    let the people around you know that you do not need their closeness
    you are quite happy with your own circle
    when they see that you do not need them sometimes they will try to be close to you
    then again we have a lot of expectations from life but circumstances are not in our control
    being flexible and looking for happiness from where we can get it and moving on from issues which cannot be rectified is the only way to stay content and peaceful
    do not think about them it will only make you feel lonely you have been strong so far just try to remove that need within you for their emotional support look for it elsewhere

    my one mantra in life which has helped me a lot is that if someone says or does something wrong to me , i just look at them and think it is not reflecting anything about me but it is reflecting on the character of that person only
    then instead of feeling that strong flood of anger , hurt etc i just feel pity , contempt or indifference towards that person depending on the circumstances
    it has never failed me to prevent me from getting drowned in negative emotions and keep my mind calm to be able to think clearly and make correct decisions
     
    2 people like this.
  8. meetmeonline

    meetmeonline Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    196
    Likes Received:
    190
    Trophy Points:
    125
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    I read your post and some of the replies as well. Good that you carry a positive attitude. I am in a similar situation, but a more funnier place. You can read my post http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/256228-my-mils-good-bad-moods.html. People can be crazy have stupid & unreasonable demands and still not bother to appreciate if we fulfill some. So, better think at least your family loves you, your parents appreciate you and do not bother what in-laws have to say. We cannot change them until they try to change themselves.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,777
    Likes Received:
    3,214
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Shwetha,

    It is what it is. Dont waste these best years of your life pining after what can never be. It is a waste of time and will make you only feel bad on yourself and prevent you from enjoying and appreciating whatever the few joys and blessings you do have. Try to accept it and move on, focus your attention and efforts on the good parts like your kid and your hubby. What I have seen in my own life is that the things which I never got but hoped for and pined after, they were actually never right for me in the first place. But I only came to realize it much much later, and saw in some cases that I had even dodged a bullet so to speak. God had better plans for me but I never realized at the time. And I just wasted my time asking why, 'what if', 'if only' and feeling bad on myself. Now looking back I simply feel 'Thank God, that didnt play out that way'.

    Why do you want to live a carbon copy of your sil's life? You only think it will make you happy but will it really? Sometimes being the favorite means you have to live up to everyone's expectations and never get to lead your own life. Some ppl feel suffocated by that. It just looks good from outside. Make your own way. Be strong. Your abode is wherever you live. Having the power to create a home wherever you live is not a small achievement. You are your h's and your child's favorite. What you have-- your parents love, baby, hubby is irreplaceable and most important their love for you is true and real, not fake or pretend. So be happy for that.
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    416
    Likes Received:
    580
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks stillwaters..
    I am going to read your post again and agin..Such a good insight:thumbsup
     

Share This Page