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Mad(e) for each other

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mathangikkumar, Mar 19, 2011.

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  1. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    I disagree Satchi. Isn't this discrimination and IL is against it last time I checked. Talking about caste, color and posting discriminating threads is not something I thought IL would entertain saying we should discuss the topic in hand. Well the topic itself is rubbish in the first place. Are we OK with people talking about sex poses, how to beat spouses? NO. This in my opinion falls in the same category. Very belittling women and their capabilities. As a women community I think we need to stand for what we preach. Women not to be valued skin deep, but for what they are worth.

    I don't even want to start with casteism :)

    Please don't take wrong or that I am questioning the mods here, just I felt we, as a community should have a stand what is being discussed. Especially with so much spousal violence in this world, this is the least we can do for our fellow sisters. Give them the confidence virtually. Hope you take me in the right way !!
     
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  2. ridgemma

    ridgemma Gold IL'ite

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    Modern DILs, decent dressing, perfect match....Ok..Aacha..aduthu enna...:hide:
     
  3. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Nandshyam has said it all,Satchi.I did not like the post itself as the message which was coveyed is totally not acceptable and also condemnable.And surprisingly I see quiet a few people condemn the ILites who disagreed with her.I think there are certain topics which will anger you and does not deserve any "nice way to disagree" .
    First of all the post must have been moderated as it shows casteism and racism.I still cannot bear the line " I am not sure........whether they are happy even now".

    And I do not want to say anything on the thread which supports OP and justifying her post.A lot of women are still struggling to be looked upon as an individual(forget equality) .Aren't we sending a wrong msg?A women is what she is.Thatz it.
    And the poster had spoken openly about a particular caste.I am sorry to say but only because of people like this we allowed others to divide and rule us.It is actually a shame.
     
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  4. Superwoman

    Superwoman Gold IL'ite

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    Hey friends why are you getting so tensed Witsend?? this post not worth our time and energy.. Already my blood pressure is getting high, i just not bark (no offence, just me!) i may bite!!

    Lets :bang ourselves and start some new naughty thread about our DH or PILs and enjoy!!

    Lets be happy!! :cheers

    Do you all think that the OP is going to realise?? Never!! There is no point in discussing. Think like you watched one of the Vijay's crap movie..(again no offence my dear vijay fans)

    We deserve a better job friends!!:thumbsup
     
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  5. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Did you just say this? ... GRRRR

    100 kicks are waiting for you in the movie section for kindaladichufying my thalai ;-)

    Yeah, it's me, I am a Vijay fan. :mrgreen:
     
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  6. Superwoman

    Superwoman Gold IL'ite

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    mannichirunnngannna!! (forgive me nandhu) hehhehehe

    vijay thalapathi vazhga(kosu tholai ozhiga*)!

    *get rid of mosquitoes
     
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  7. Dancer

    Dancer Silver IL'ite

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    bhuvnidhi,


    I think you have mentioned my thread in your response. Allow me to clarify. I have mentioned in my thread that I am not supporting everything the OP said. I just felt that the responses could have been less harsh.

    Let me explain with an example. Let's say your elder child is beating your younger child. Now you want to correct the elder child, so you in turn beat him and tell him, "Don't beat your sister/brother". What kind of message are we giving to that child here? Our words say one thing and our actions show another.

    Just like that when the OP is writing stuff that might be harsh/insensitive and all of you respond with harshness, it is a good way to go?

    I do understand that a lot of ladies undergo severe marital issues that I have not undergone. I can imagine the pain it will cause us to find our spouse or child being commented on negatively because they are "dark" or "don't look good". So, if you feel hurt because of my thread and comments, I am sorry about that.

    I have my own experiences, character and biases and based on that, I gave my response. I don't want to hurt another person because of my ignorance? However, just like you all, I too felt strongly about certain things and so I wanted to vent out. Like I said in my thread, maybe I took it a bit personally as I could see some part of me in the OP?

    I have given some more explanation on my views on discrimination in my thread. Again, these are my views and I hope not to hurt anybody.

     
  8. GodIsOne

    GodIsOne Gold IL'ite

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  9. Dancer

    Dancer Silver IL'ite

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    Godisone, I knew this point would come up. Yes, may be we expect adults to know better. But everyone has their own lessons to learn at different stages. It is not necessary that by 50 years or so, all lessons are learnt and we have nothing left over to learn.

    Plus, with each passing generation, what is right or wrong changes, so it is not fair to expect older generation (and some like me in current generation) to be exactly in tune with what this generation believes in. Even if the newer concept is right, they might have been conditioned with another concept from a young age and might find it difficult to adjust.

    Let's say a person of our generation called X is ok with inter-caste/inter-religion marriage. But by the time, X gets older, probably people think marriage itself is an outdated concept. Then this X might find it difficult to adjust.

    However, I do agree that a general maturity in handling the articles (even with the older-generation viewpoints) would have helped a lot! I think most people got angry at the way the articles were written more than even the topic of the articles. I think I understand your point.

    Let me say one final time that I am NOT supporting the OP; I too felt some comments to be insensitive and harsh. But I also felt the backlash was too much. Now, most of you might feel it was justified because of the hurt you faced in life with similar comments and you have a right to that opinion.

    I just wanted to put in my 2 cents too.
     
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  10. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Nandshyam,

    No offence taken. I totally agree with you that we on IL would like to get rid of such discrimination and casteism. If there is any reason to allow these threads to remain, it is because as members holding an opposite point of view, they should be heard. It is then upto the members here to agree or strongly disagree when matters of colour, race, caste, gender discrimination come up. This can serve as a good opportunity to make a difference by making people holding notions which call for a radical change think. Give them food for thought. It would be very easy for us to take off such threads, bury our heads in the sand and think that all's well with society except for a small percentage of families whose dils come and complain online. This kind of post tells us two things: (a) that such notions and practices are unfortunately still very widespread in society - no, not only amongst the "uneducated", but amongst the literate, educated, professionals as well. This is still pretty deep rooted. (b) What it also tells us is that when young women come here and post their problems, it is more likely than not true. We always tend to keep it at the back of our minds that being online, we are taking OPs at face value. They might or might not be true. It adds to the credibility of such young women.

    IL is by no means encouraging such ideas and notions. We are dealing with them democratically by allowing them to express their thoughts and then doing what we can by expressing in no uncertain terms that these need to be changed. This can certainly be done without resorting to extreme disrespect to the poster. The idea is to throw out what's wrong, not to "whack" the wrong-doer/thinker/supporter. Sensitize them if one can by explaining why a certain way of thinking is no longer valid / not acceptable. "All that is old is not gold". Same holds true for some social practices and "culture and traditions". This is something that needs to be explained.

    Nandshyam, if we look into our hearts, we would admit that there are many in our own families who belong to the older generation (that being a subjective term) who still believe in all these things. We might totally disagree, but we either ignore, fight back or try to explain depending on our equations with them. So I feel it would be best to treat this post in the same manner. Since OP is a member of this forum, is obviously well qualified and we should hope amenable to listening to the other side and then weighing what she knows against what she sees and hears, we can reply and register our protest against the thoughts she holds. Is this not what we practice with children as well - tell them "I do not like what you did / said", not "I do not like you". It's the same principle.
     
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