Love Or Respect In Marriage - Which Matters More?

We often say both love and respect matter in a marriage, but for a timepass year-end thread like this one, if you had to choose, which one would you say is actually more important?

And no, "both are important" is not an answer. Pick one as more important.

Can a marriage survive on strong respect without much love, or on strong love without much respect?

 

Most of you picked respect, and I’ll admit I was a bit surprised. I didn’t expect such a clear vote. I thought more people might say something like love includes respect or that the two can’t really be separated.

My slightly cynical take is this: many marriages don’t survive because they’re built on deep respect, but because they avoid open disrespect. No contempt, no put-downs, no constant cutting each other down. Sometimes a lack of active participation in a marriage (often by the man) is quietly balanced by an absence of disrespect, which then gets mistaken for -- or even gratefully accepted as -- respect.

 

I smiled twice once to see a response by The Wise Owl in this thread, and again at "love is a many-splendored thing." True. When love is mutual, even if the intensity or form or expression differs, there can be a quiet equilibrium where partners take turns carrying more of the weight. Mutual love has an energy to it, generous, forgiving, expansive. Sometimes it carries a relationship even while respect is still being learned, negotiated, or repaired.