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Love Or Respect In Marriage - Which Matters More?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Dec 12, 2025.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    We often say both love and respect matter in a marriage, but for a timepass year-end thread like this one, if you had to choose, which one would you say is actually more important?

    And no, "both are important" is not an answer. Pick one as more important.

    Can a marriage survive on strong respect without much love, or on strong love without much respect?
     
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  2. Saahasi

    Saahasi Silver IL'ite

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    Respect!
     
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  3. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Platinum IL'ite

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    Respect!

    Love can sizzle and fizzle on a moment's notice but respect stays through and through!
     
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  4. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Love is a many splendored thing particularly when it is mutual!
     
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  5. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    Respect!
    Respect is more important than love. A marriage can survive without constant love but not without respect. Respect keeps the relationship safe and healthy and love cannot survive without respect.
     
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  6. gamma50g

    gamma50g Platinum IL'ite

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    Love can be an emotional glue and trust can be the backbone for any marriage, but respect is non-negotiable. Where respect and trust exist, love grows. But without the former two, the latter dies.
     
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  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I just want to be comfortable and at ease with the person I am living with.

    We as a couple fight a lot to the level of divorce but within five minutes we will think about what food to order.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Most of you picked respect, and I’ll admit I was a bit surprised. I didn’t expect such a clear vote. I thought more people might say something like love includes respect or that the two can’t really be separated.

    My slightly cynical take is this: many marriages don’t survive because they’re built on deep respect, but because they avoid open disrespect. No contempt, no put-downs, no constant cutting each other down. Sometimes a lack of active participation in a marriage (often by the man) is quietly balanced by an absence of disrespect, which then gets mistaken for -- or even gratefully accepted as -- respect.
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I smiled twice :grinning::grinning: once to see a response by The Wise Owl in this thread, and again at "love is a many-splendored thing." True. When love is mutual, even if the intensity or form or expression differs, there can be a quiet equilibrium where partners take turns carrying more of the weight. Mutual love has an energy to it, generous, forgiving, expansive. Sometimes it carries a relationship even while respect is still being learned, negotiated, or repaired.
     
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  10. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Respect is like dry ice. It may be a good preservative of a relationship but will not add colour and substance to what it preserves.
    Love is like the world's best icecream. Even the very thought of it makes you chuckle in delight.
     
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