1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Jul 9, 2021.

  1. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    249
    Likes Received:
    366
    Trophy Points:
    130
    Gender:
    Female
    Ours is arranged marriage, as in every marriage we are not perfect couple but as we grow together we try to find middle ground and make it better, this is where we learn/unlearn way of dealing things. I never think of love marriage and can never think of replacing the man I am with now!!
     
    chanchitra and anika987 like this.
  2. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,142
    Likes Received:
    905
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    Love marriage or arranged marriage it does not matter you can experience romance if you have a compatible partner who is able to treat you as equal, since you mentioned Alaipayudhey I am posting some Tamil youtube couples vlogs, they all have one thing in common they genuinely love each other and consider their partners as equal.

    Love marriage



    Arranged Marriage







    Some great advice about relationship

     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,142
    Likes Received:
    905
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    I hear this statement a lot from married couple this is because

    upload_2021-7-13_22-40-22.jpeg

    "A known devil is always better than the unknown angel"
     
  4. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,142
    Likes Received:
    905
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male

    The support comes with its own problems, the people who are providing the support will try to run your married life.
     
    EverydayBloom and anika987 like this.
  5. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    248
    Likes Received:
    365
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Mine is love marriage and we have our share of problems.Many of my friends also had love marriage..intercaste,interstate,inter religion etc..
    We all feel equal in the marriage .But for arranged marriage friends I feel there are in two different levels where H always have upper hand and wife is kind of follower.Decisions revolve around taking permissions from H and inlaws.
    My friends who had love marriages are treated equal in life and they hardly take/listen to inlaws.
     
    chanchitra, anika987 and sandhya2020 like this.
  6. preethignan

    preethignan Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    52
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Maybe it differs from person to person. All my friends including me had arranged marriages and everyone of them is respected and treated equally by husband and in laws. I am not supporting arranged marriage or love marriage blindly but we definitely can't generalize that in love marriages spouse is treated equally and in arranged marriages they are not.

    But given a choice I prefer arranged marriages because the feeling of insecurity is less ( I am not saying its completely absent but comparitively less) and you don't have to please anybody to win somebody's heart.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    1,307
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    When one raises children in a non-desi culture foreign country, where they have to look at people on smartphones, and swipe right or left, to get to a short-list, it should be hard for parents to explain to them the scheme of arranged marriage. And how "love" [mutual civility, respect, admiration and even worship in some odd cases] is figured into that plan.

    I am sure someone will start a thread on that. In my own experience, one dear (adult)child likened arranged marriage to a policeman reciting the Miranda-rights during an arrest: "...have the right to remain silent ... yada.. yada ...and if you do not have a spouse, one would be provided for you at your parents' expense".
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2021
  8. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    174
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    i cant say we dont have to listen to inlaws- infact we may have to listen more.Because the guilt of marrying agaisnt parents'wishes is there, so we try to do more for inlaws . Because if we do even simple mistake inlaws will keep pointing out that it is due to love marg. Also, they expect more from us telling," I allowed you to marry whomever you wanted, so atleast in every other matter you should listen to me"- parents/inlaws have this attitude

    I agree with the equality thing, but I think the crrect word is unconditional love rather than equality. We have done love marg, we never calculate anything between us- it is unconditional love.- like money/salary/caste/property- we are more like best friends. There is no calculation/comparision.feel arranged marriage starts on a materialistic note - somewhere it affects negatively .


    But i have seen some arranged marriages are very successful than some love marriages, it depends on on the situation.
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2021
    anika987 and Rihana like this.
  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,311
    Likes Received:
    1,530
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    During college days I had many crushes, and a few guys proposed to me...
    But I dint like the guys who proposed to me, and the guys whom I liked were just simple crushes which faded away...I liked 2 guys within my family circle, I.e distant relatives but marriage alliance didn’t work out in my early twenties , somehow through known people we got alliances of my husband.
    Ours was proper arranged marriage with horoscope matching, elders meeting, rituals and ceremonies down in proper way etc...we are of some sub caste ..
    I was very young and naive. Was not completely aware of realities of the world.
    In initial days of meeting my husband I felt attracted and liked him..he also very caring and affectionate and attracted too.and very supportive of me during initial years...but slowly once we got used to each other and after all fights and clashes with in laws have done their damage, I noticed that my husband has lost interest and doesn’t care about me much...to some extent in laws have created havoc..he too has got bored of me maybe.,
    Many years back he would support me when in laws I’ll treated me..
    Now he also joins also in criticising..
    When I was working he had respect for me as I earned and shared expenses and this was useful when we had to invest in household gadgets, vacations etc..
    Due to family, health and pandemic I’m unemployed and he is taking me for granted...
    My in-laws do not respect me or my parents from beginning...
    Though I’m years older, and just few kilos heavier than newly married days, I’m maintaining myself fairly ok for my age and my cooking skills are improving over the years and I’ve done so much for inlaws...I don’t nag him unnecessarily and I always talk to him softly and with smile...but my husband still talks to me with irritation and doesn’t smile at me..
    This pandemic too has created havoc by increasing household domestic pressures and work pressures. SO cannot blame him too much now..
    Many times I used to think..what if I had waited and got married to a guy of my choice...
    How would have my life been...
    Just a thought..
    But what’s the point of brooding...past is past...we should think of future..
    Many of my friends who had both love and arranged marriages are happy and have successful marriages..they seem very blissfully happy.
    But in all cases they also may have some problems internally not being shared with anyone..
     
    anika987 and Hopikrishnan like this.
  10. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    1,307
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    Of course you would have seen a lot of successful arranged marriages. Arranged marriages get done after a thorough vetting of the bride, groom and both families. Accidentally meeting a spouse-prospect in college, work, or street corner and being physically attracted to one another could end up bringing on unforeseen issues in the future.
    :cry:
     
    Tubinbataye likes this.

Share This Page