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Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Jul 9, 2021.

  1. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for explaining and glad you enjoy my posts. Sometimes when I dont get much feedback I feel my post Is not good.
    You have made my day and made this old
    Lady happy.in this age you need encouragement from everyone.

    When I nominate, I nominate those posts
    Which have more likes
     
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    I also often wonder why people only click "like" and not take the trouble to go and explain why they like'd the whatever that someone posted. Now that you had mentioned "old age", I think you may have the answer. People who are not going to work, because they are retired, have a lot of time on their hands, and can post to explain everything, like I am doing here :blush:. Those who have work to do, at office and home, and have young children to mind, have hardly any time. They look at a post in IL, and they can only click "like", and may be they will come back during their weekly day off, like Sunday, and write something more. But home life being what it is, that can often be forgotten or sidelined.

    If the OP @anika987 is wondering if we are still "on topic", we indeed are on topic.... to say that this is what happens to love after a stint of married life: Something sweet happens during the week, and it gets "like"d, and the true response is post-poned for the weekend. When it is recalled and acted-upon, love thrives; when it is forgotten, and the thing ["like"-but-no-comment] is repeated over and over, love dies. And the marriage becomes blah.

    The Moral: If you "like" something in your married life, whether it is love marriage or arranged marriage, take time to comment on why you like it , and how much you like it. That can go a long way to sustain love, or incite love if there'd been none before.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2021
  3. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel you will be interested in reading these two posts of mine

    A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries

    My doubt
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2021
  4. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Love marriage - yes more caring between the couple, but it faces many challenges too.
    Parents of both sides are against the marriage, especially the girl has to face lot of opposition and trouble from inlaws.
    So all this becomes a source of immense stress between the couple.

    At the end , there is a great satisfaction that you married the person you loved. That you are always there to protect them, support them, you dont have to worry how they are doing in life- because you are there to take care of them.
    That love can happen in arranged marriage too, love is not just about the gestures like flowers, cards, dinners, but how much a person understands and supports you, how much they respect you, how much they are willing to sacrifice for you, stand up for you.

    In that sense, I dont find much necessary difference between love and arranged marg, if you truly develop bond with your arranged partner.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2021
  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    I liked the post and its aftermath. I mean the feedbacks. I presumed OP desires answers only from her counter parts and not members of menfolk.

    But then now I conclude I can be a participant. The presence and comments of a male member already humorously embellished this light hearted thread and I am in awe.

    In war and love everything is blind. Love marriage can’t be blind. Arranged marriage could be blind.

    Pleasure & or surprise yet to be derived and discovered from hitherto unknown
    now turned spouse. There is great joy in commencing love after the arrangement!

    In love marriage thrill perhaps in full measure stands almost already derived (stealthily) but in arranged one thrill is to be explored over a long period.

    After divorce, few fall in love, study each other and then marry. There is thrill for both?

    GOD - Marriages may be fixed in heaven but please protect those fall in love here.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2021
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello @anika987

    Nice thread.

    I had a love marriage. Before i met my man, I had 3 guys after me with serious proposals. I mean 3 guys, whom i knew well ( one was my classmate, another worked with me in a bank when i was an intern there, and the other was a random FB friend whom became a close buddy over time). I had a hard time rejecting them, because i really liked and had genuine care for all the three. Each time, I had personal reasons to reject ( like family, studies, etc..)

    But, to be honest with you...each time i had butterflies in my stomach and it felt so good to know that they were attracted to me & had interest in me. But each time, when i had to make a decision, I made it from my brain & have no regrets still.

    But around the same period, I met my H too. We were like from different planet. Everything was different from religion, caste etc... There was a huge lifestyle difference too.
    I knew, marrying him would mean compromising many things which i dreaded before.
    But strangely this time my brain was shut off. Though my parents &well wishers tried to wake my brain up, nothing happened.

    I made my decision through heart, and still staying by that.

    You know the hiccups i had in my marriage. It was never an easy ride. I had to compromise a lot more than i had ever imagined. But still, I loved to be married to this man.

    Our love, affection and intimacy has grown so much over the time & I am very comfortable with him.

    But it doesn't mean we never fight. In fact, we never had a single day without fighting, but we are together despite of having every reason to be separated. That's love i guess.

    Anyways, coming to your point.... I would want an arranged marriage if i could time travel to my 20s.
    I know, how easy and simple an arranged marriage is. How much genuine support the couple receive from both parents to continue their marriage.
    My parents, both my siblings, and many of my close friends are sailing in calm boats as you in their arranged marriages. There may be lack of sparks, and silly fights, but off late, and especially in my late 30s i dream of a simple & smooth ride than of an adventures rolar coaster ride.

    But again.... I know that, our God is a fair God. May be we all don't share an equal life, but it is fair for all and that's how God justifies our happiness & struggles.

    See... I have some in laws struggle in marriage, but my life is supper smooth financially, health wise & otherwise.

    There are many others, who have a fantastic marriage, but a life long struggle with health, kids issues, parental probs or finance...

    The logic behind this is.. You can't have it all :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2021
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  7. preethignan

    preethignan Bronze IL'ite

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    I had an arranged marriage. No regrets for not having a love marriage. When our parents arranged our first meet I understood that he was the one for me. He was a no nonsense guy very straight forward. I was clear that this guy is the one who can handle me since I am also straight forward. Thanks to my gut feeling I went ahead and got married and got a best friend for life and also my parents got another son.

    I wish my girls get somebody great like their dad.

    @anika same pinch I never got any proposals in life too but married the only guy I met through arranged wedding proposal.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2021
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    I have a son in law who is just that. A decade has gone by. Yes my daughter loved him and then their marriage arranged. There was no problem because of he - Iyengar and my spouse & I - Iyers.
     
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  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Is it marriage first then attempt love next or Love first, marriage next if possible?
    Neither love nor arranged marriage guarantees the other. Only passage of time and Lady Luck determines whether one succeeds in getting the best of love & marriage.
    I have a novelette to prove and disprove the above in link

    Getti Melam - Supraja - An Apple Of My Eye

    But one has to have patience to read a lengthy prose!

    I did not love before arranged marriage but I had enjoyed the thrill of love in wedlock.
     
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  10. winterhue

    winterhue Gold IL'ite

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    I am one of those blessed ones who had a "Love + Arranged marriage" . Meaning, we met at work, liked each other . Parents were anyway looking for a match, we told them of our interests. EVERYTHING matched (including horoscopes) and we got married with full support (there was no reason for anyone to oppose).
    The best part was that we enjoyed almost 6 months of "courtship" after everything was agreed by parents and the tentative dates were fixed. So I guess I am really one of the lucky ones .
    I don't think the "kind" of marriage affects the outcome too much. I think its between two individuals and how these individuals are able to fit into the other persons family and culture. I've seen arranged marriages fail and love marriages fail - so it probably boils to managing expectations and resetting egos.
     
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