Love Marriage - India - Issues After Marriage

StressGril · Dec 23, 2016

Me and My husband are colleagues. He is my senior. Our friendship started when he had a love failure and needed someone for consolation. Eventually our friendship grew and we fall for each other. I can never imagine loving a person whom I have seen with other girl. But yes- it just happened. He loved me so much and told that now he understands why his first love didnt work. His first love didnt work cos his family didnt accept it.. he actually let down the girl. Finally she moved on. He felt more intense with me and somehow convinced his parents to marry me. Though they didnt accept it by heart. Marriage talk went on and finalized. He was on and off with things. 3-4 weeks before marriage - he was confused and wanted to back out from the marriage. I was totally shocked as how he can think about it after lot of hopes and times spent together. He asked me my consent to stop the marriage quoting family difference. I couldnt agree much to it at that point as everything he said is normal in any marriage .. Then I let the decision with him to decide whether he wants to marry me.. I started feeling betrayed as i was already deep into his thoughts. He also was unable to take the decision all by himself and married me. His mom went unwell.. diagnosed with heart blocks and had bypass surgery.. this drowned him more.. I wanted to support him.. but he kept me in distance saying I am reason for his mom state. I was in mom house for the first 4 months of marriage - until my MIL recovers. Later I joined them back. Everyone has problem adjusting with me.. with my cooking.. with my attitudes.. everyday issues.. complaints.. argument with my husband.. harresment by SIL etc.. My husband tried much to balance it.. but he is also getting bombarded and unable to manage. He started frustrating out on me and told only his mom and sister are important to him more than me. I agreed and continued to do what i can.. but they feel i intentionally do things bad and not obeying them. which is not true. I tried to prove myself.. but all in vain. Finally one day he asked me to leave the house after lot of abusive statement .. and I left with tears. It was just 4 months of life with him.
He also feels that i am acting and lying to seperate him from his family.. i dono why he thinks so.. it has been 5 months now.. I want to patch up with him.. but still he is in anger.. not responding or taking calls.. not sure what to do.. pls help

Shreema86 · Dec 24, 2016

I can see that saving this marriage is important to you , but please don't bend over backwards so much that you flip and fall. if I were you, I would take a step back. Regain your composure , don't beg yoUr husband to do Anything . Be civil and firm, not emotiOnal and needy. Your husband clearly lacks maturity to handle relationships . He seems to be easily influenced by others . He doesn't consider you important enough, face this painful truth. This is because deep down you don't consider yourself worthy enough. Start with that, getting your self worth back. Be confident that he is not the last guy in this earth you can be happy with . If he can't stand up to you, he is just not worth it op. don't let anyone manipulate you into thinking that just because you had love marriage you have to do abc and d to please everyone . You have your mind , use it well. It will take a lot to salvage this situation , frankly I don't how, maybe other posters can help you on that . But I personally think that you should do a pack up for this and move on in life.

bruised234 · Dec 26, 2016

StressGril said: ↑

Me and My husband are colleagues. He is my senior. Our friendship started when he had a love failure and needed someone for consolation. Eventually our friendship grew and we fall for each other. I can never imagine loving a person whom I have seen with other girl. But yes- it just happened. He loved me so much and told that now he understands why his first love didnt work. His first love didnt work cos his family didnt accept it.. he actually let down the girl. Finally she moved on. He felt more intense with me and somehow convinced his parents to marry me. Though they didnt accept it by heart. Marriage talk went on and finalized. He was on and off with things. 3-4 weeks before marriage - he was confused and wanted to back out from the marriage. I was totally shocked as how he can think about it after lot of hopes and times spent together. He asked me my consent to stop the marriage quoting family difference. I couldnt agree much to it at that point as everything he said is normal in any marriage .. Then I let the decision with him to decide whether he wants to marry me.. I started feeling betrayed as i was already deep into his thoughts. He also was unable to take the decision all by himself and married me. His mom went unwell.. diagnosed with heart blocks and had bypass surgery.. this drowned him more.. I wanted to support him.. but he kept me in distance saying I am reason for his mom state. I was in mom house for the first 4 months of marriage - until my MIL recovers. Later I joined them back. Everyone has problem adjusting with me.. with my cooking.. with my attitudes.. everyday issues.. complaints.. argument with my husband.. harresment by SIL etc.. My husband tried much to balance it.. but he is also getting bombarded and unable to manage. He started frustrating out on me and told only his mom and sister are important to him more than me. I agreed and continued to do what i can.. but they feel i intentionally do things bad and not obeying them. which is not true. I tried to prove myself.. but all in vain. Finally one day he asked me to leave the house after lot of abusive statement .. and I left with tears. It was just 4 months of life with him.
He also feels that i am acting and lying to seperate him from his family.. i dono why he thinks so.. it has been 5 months now.. I want to patch up with him.. but still he is in anger.. not responding or taking calls.. not sure what to do.. pls help
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