Love and Use

I was reading the Facebook message from Spirit Science which read as follows: “People were created to be loved and things were created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos because things are being loved and people are being used. Tag line: Educate, Inspire and Change.”

Every time I read an inspiring post like this, I take my time to think how I can apply this in my real life in future and to judge my life up to date how does it sound when I apply this to my past life. When I was in my childhood, I learned how to love and be loved by watching my parents. Somewhere down the line as my mind started building Meta data to be used for application in life, I lost the technique of how to unconditionally love everyone around me. When I hate being judged by others, I have no hesitation of judging people. I am constantly trying to unconditionally provide my services to others around me but at the same time lower my expectations from them. But I fail to do so again and again. I hate the barter system of giving something to get something, but that is what I end up doing. If I have nothing to receive from someone around me, I have no use for him/her. In simple terms I am constantly using people or attempt to use them to make my life better.

How do I make my mind to offer my capabilities to people around me to the best of my ability without thinking what they could offer in return? If they don’t offer their full potential to people around them, isn’t it their problem not mine? Why am I trying to resolve the issues of others by judging them, when I seek to retain my issues as is even if someone judges and tells me my problems? Aren’t they doing me a favor by telling me what I ought to have found out on my own? Does learning our defects from others tantamount to using others and their capabilities?

I realized that the only way I was going to offer my capabilities to others without expecting anything in return is by treating them as though I treat myself. In other words, I need to love them as much as I love myself. Let others worry about their character building and let me focus on building my own character. It is gratifying to my mind to establish its superiority over others and that is how I judge others when I refuse to accept their judgment about me. I have to stop stroking my ego. People around me are doing me a favor by pointing out my mistakes and even if it is not a mistake, I can always ignore that comment. Let me receive the communication with open heart and analyze it with my Meta data to fix my problems as opposed to helping others fix their problems. The feedback from others help us refine our character and those experiences are exclusively created for my benefit. It will not tantamount to using others. Let me learn to love others unconditionally without using them on a barter system.

Similarly, I have great pride in owning my house, car, mobile phone, watch, shoes, outfits, etc. I consider them as my status symbol, a recognition of my capabilities in the society. That is why I always seek the most expensive asset to own. My decisions are not based on what is useful to me as opposed to what would bring recognition for me in the society. It doesn’t matter whether I live in a palace or small house, I am going to use it only to brush, shower, exercise, eat and sleep. Whether it is BMW or Hyundai, both are capable of transporting me from one place to another. Mobile phones are only to communicate and not for establishing my status in the society. Expensive watches, shoes, outfits, etc. are purchased by me only to cheat myself that I would like to appear professional when the real reason is little different. It is gratifying to my mind to establish its superiority over others and that is how I end up owning assets that others can’t afford. My mind has to be trained to own the assets as a trustee in temporary custody of such assets. The day this frame falls, they no longer belong to me. I have the right to use those assets only during the period I am licensed to live. Let me take care of my needs when I am alive as opposed to my wants.

These are facts that hit me hard but they are for real. Let me educate, inspire and change my mind slowly and steadily to learn to love and act unconditionally to help others instead of using them while use the assets as a trustee instead of loving them. Practicing to love people and hold assets in trust are key to my transformation.

 

Dear Syamala,

I am so glad to see your first response. You are right. We have unconditional love with family but when it comes to outsiders, we have our own opinion framed out of prior interactions with them. We don't give the benefit of doubt that a person could change overtime. But at the same time, if we have done something wrong earlier, we like people to understand that we have changed now and they should forgive our previous mistakes and move on. In a way, we have more belief in our own intellectual capacity than others which is what I was pointing out in my post.

Regarding materialistic things, I have different take on it. I see more youngsters understanding the difference between needs and wants than the older generation. May be the older generation worked too hard to deserve their wants. The British colonies were built under their model of growth that provides more money to people as they get older. That results in people needing more as they get their money to satisfy such wants. As we get older, we need to detach ourselves is what our philosophy says but in reality, none of our wants have come down. Probably, after retirement we may feel little detached. Is it due to limitation of resources or real detachment, only time will tell.

Syamala, you are not alone in that journey of detachment and doing things without any expectations and many of us are with you in that tough journey. But when I stand in front of a homeless to serve him, it helps to bring those qualities of loving him unconditionally and giving things without any expectations. If I saturate my love for him and give with true renouncement, it becomes a great experience. Giving love unconditionally to a stranger and doing things without any expectations gives a great sense of Self satisfaction.

Viswa

 

Dear Smt. Jayasala:

Thank you for your elaborate response. Self-evaluation helps me control my ego. Sometimes, I get complacent about what I could accomplish and other times, I get really upset about how ridiculous I was in a given circumstance. Probably, a perfect mix of those complacency and rude awakening evens out so that I don't fall into the trap of extreme self-appreciation or self-criticism.

My Guru has suggested that all His teachings will have to be evaluated by each person before practicing them. He emphasized how important it is for us not to have that knowledge without applying them in real life. Therefore, it has become a habit for me to apply His teachings in real life and see what difference does it make. I fully realize I have my own limitations in terms of understanding His teachings and apply them in real life. Most important of His teachings is about not to separate spirituality away from day to day life. May be the very same reason you have articulated in your response is the reason why He asked all of us to evaluate the teachings carefully and apply them as needed in life.

For you, too much self assessment leads to confusions and for me, constant self assessment helps me to achieve clarity. May be the difference between us is actually a reflection of where we are in our spiritual growth. I believe that you are way ahead of me.Your depth of knowledge, life experiences and intellectual quest have already placed you in a commendable position when I continue to struggle to get where I need to.

Viswa

 

Dear GG,

Thank you for taking time to read and response to my post. Mind and matter existed from time immemorial and it is not new. Everyone including our ancestors struggled to learn to love fellow-beings as well as detach from material things. But they cared to apply what they learned in real life whereas some of us, if not all, are still struggling to apply the knowledge in real life. I notice the new generation of people are achieving some clarity perhaps due to them satisfying their wants pretty early in life as they have the necessary resources and in the process learning that there is no end to their wants.

Viswa

 

Dear Meena,

Are you kidding me? I enjoyed every bit of what you wrote and why should you fell sorry about the long rambling. From what you said about your dad, I already like your father so much. Perhaps, I should meet him sometime. I have a lot of similar views about life but restricted my temptation to write more about all of them. Frankly, I was wondering initially who would ever read my philosophical posts in this Forum that is full of young people? But the responses and encouragements I got in this Forum overwhelmed me and write more.

Balanced mind helps when we experience both pleasure and pain. I agree with you on what you said about ego. I call it as Ever Growing Organism. Sometimes, we can cure it with our habits and other times, we need a surgery on the fully grown but hidden EGO.

We all are in the same space wanting to improve constantly. We don't try loving people unconditionally or detach ourselves from material things because it is easy. It is real hard work. It gives a great sense of fulfillment. I can't thank you enough for your response. You really made my day with your awesome feedback.

Viswa