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love and marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by charurithika, Apr 16, 2010.

  1. charurithika

    charurithika New IL'ite

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    hi friends...
    i am new to dis site and i just need a help frm u friends.... my close frnd is in her marriage phase...and a match has also been seen.she too like him vry much.bt the prob is she had a love affair during her coll period .it cant be stated as love mere infactuation and it didnt lost for even six months.. she left him as he was not upto her expectation in character.but after that too he disturbd my frnd a lot..but she totally refused him... now she is totally confused whether she has to say this to her dh or not?. i am also too much worried bcaz after marriage this should not create a big prob in her life...
    please friends help us.....wat should she do????????:confused2::confused2::confused2::confused2::confused2::drowning
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2010
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  2. OOPALL

    OOPALL Silver IL'ite

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    Hi there!
    Perhaps what she can do is think things through all the way. Instead of being afraid and telling everything, she can be open about the relationship.

    Again, just think it through!

    Thanks,
    OOPALL!
     
  3. Induvadana

    Induvadana New IL'ite

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    Let her tell her parents that she needs to chat with him a few times before marrying. let her chat on phone or in person. let her discuss generally just to find his opinions on various issues including love issues. let her see how conservative he is. If she feels he is conservative and would be horrified by the matter. then she should first tell her parents about the affair and tell them that either back off from marriage or go ahead and tell the guy and see . If she feels he can understand her little affair before marriage and can appreciate her honesty.Then tell him, who knows this could be the foundation for trust between them for life. But don't marry without telling him, that liitle affair before marriage is not a mistake, but hiding it from future DH can be a mistake.
     
  4. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Charu,
    First of all your friend just had a fling and that too just sitting in the canteen and eating"vada pav" kind I think.

    If there were no physical relations and no promises for marriage then its not even an affair.

    Don't worry she need not say anything. If he comes to know just say he was crazy and after me..

    FL
     
  5. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Lulzers! :rotfl
    Thats also known as (aka) "Kadalai podufying".

    To the OP: If "kadalai podufying" (timepass) was all it was, then she doesnt have to say anything. If it was a serious relationship, then she may want to mention that at a high level to avoid any confusion later on.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2010
  6. roses_bloom

    roses_bloom Junior IL'ite

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    If there is no 'evidence' of any affair - like pictures, emails, text messages, or notes then tell your friend that she doesnt need to tell dh anything. if the ex comes up to bother her, she can just say 'it's some person from college that was after me' and end it at that.

    if there is evidence that might make her dh or married life trouble - then it's a different story. She needs to talk to this new guy and see if he has a past that he shares, what she can talk to him about, and what she can not.

    Either way, I would say, be cautious, dont give any details that are not neccessary and if possible, dont mention it at all!
     
  7. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Charu,
    Men from this generation know that women do have crushes, flings, affairs in the past. Everybody comes across some guy in their life. I don't think your friend needs to tell each and every episode to her future husband.

    But if he directs asks about it then she can just say about it as an infatuation and leave it at that.

    Sometimes, people confide innocently and that puts thoughts in the DH's mind which is dangerous.

    JMO
     
  8. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    NO....do not tell him. It is just an infatuation, so let it go.
     
  9. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Just let it go..It cannot be termed as an affair too..Ithellem college life'la sagachamappa.(meaning it happens in college life..leave it).
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    FL, "sitting in canteen and eating vada pav" kind. You are funny. :biglaugh

    OP, your friend should firmly tell herself that it was nothing. Else, what she thinks about it will reflect in her words if and when she tells her husband. Such things do come up in conversations, before marriage, during the honeymoon or later too, and she has to present it like it was nothing. Her husband will only have her words, version and feelings to go by. If at all the topic of pasts comes up, she should say she doesn't have one, and casually mention this guy as a pest. If she tries too hard to show her husband that she was not interested and did not encourage it etc., unnecessary further questions will arise in his mind.

    -Rihana
     

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