Losing interest in my husband

Hi Everyone,

I have been a regular reader in all the forums for quite some time.
I am literally confused right now and wanted to see if my friends here can help me get out of my current state.

I have been married for 17 years. I have three kids (15, 9 & 3 years old).
I have started feeling the emotional disconnect with my husband. This has developed over the period of time and has come to a point where the relationship has started feeling meaningless.

Root cause - I feel is my husband is a mamma boy & would do whatever she says whether its a personal issue or something related to business.
I have lost trust in my husband or I kept moving on thinking that things will be better, & will have better understanding. But now after 17 years of married life, I feel no where. I have told my husband about this but he would just brush them aside. There have been points in my married life where the fights have gone physical and when I look back I feel I had all the more reasons to walk out this marriage but I never did. The feeling that my kids have been witness to those fights makes me feel so disgusted that how can a child tolerate mother being treated like that, I would never imagine my mother in that state.

My husband has all along maintained that he married me only because before marriage I had told him I will take care & respect his parents. I feel why would anybody not in the right senses would not do that. Mother is sugar quoted but emotional abuse & all that manipulations that she does with my husband behind my back has been such that I don't want to see her face. I have had very good relations with my in-laws all throughout though its not acknowledged.

I have many times tried leaving my husband but just could not. But now recently when he had a argument, he clearly indicated that his mother is all in all for him, better understand & this marriage will work only if his mother is taken care of or we can go in separate ways.

I just wanted to have your input on the whole situation since I am involved, might not be able to see what is right & what is wrong.

 

Taking care here means just abiding by whatever she says, to be under her control as he is.

My only mistake, I always thought a person who would respect his mother/parents would respect his wife too. He does care but only if his mother wants him to care for me. My family is always supportive of me. Financially, I am trying to establish my own business right now. There will be a little struggle but when I weigh the options, it seems better to struggle than to be with him, especially when he is totally under his mother's influence.

I have not talked to my kids about this, little hesitant not sure how they will react, I have tried talking to my elder one previously but he was kind of shattered so I decided to stay back. I know it will be very shocking for them since they wont understand my state of mind.

 

Yes, I know he's pretty much sure that I will not leave.
I have talked to him about the emotional disconnect and have told him to stay away from me and would not like to have physical relations with him so we have not been near each other since last 3 months.

& he takes care of kids but if his mom is unhappy with kids, he would be unhappy with them too. He wont interfere too much at home, I handle most of his office work (accounting work) along with my own work.

 

As of now, I am not looking for a emotional bond with my husband as I know he's not capable of doing that, I want to stay away but feel traumatized as to how kids will react & feel the absence of father, I am sure they will, they don't understand the abuse over here

 

His mother is in good physical condition & she does take interest in the kids but is more involved in poking her nose between me & her son