Loosing My Mind

Can you start daycare at your home? Thats easy way to earn money and your kid will get company. Please try that as immediate option. One of my friend did this and it really worked for her

 

Ciny, OK good. Now that we have established that you do want to work on this relationship, lets see what can be done.
To be fair, he does have a point in the sense that if everything is going to daycare, is there a point in working? Only you can answer that question. If it gives you some exposure to step out of the house and to regain the lost traction in life, its absolutely worth it. Are you willing to payback everything to the daycare? Think long and hard because its going to be an uphill battle. It would be helpful if both people involved (you and DH) make the decision.
How about you ask him if he is open to this, i.e sending the kid to daycare. If he says no, then your answer should be, He cannot have the cake and eat it too. something must give right.

Financial independence is your goal now. you mentioned your child is 6. Can you find a part-time job that fits those school hours? You need to find a balance here. look for facebook groups around your area and ask if anyone is looking for admin work etc Networking is the key here. Contact people you know here and see if they need a hand. Local pharmacy or a local superstore etc. Start small. get into the job market. Think if you are making excuses to yourself about work. Go to local job agencies. Here we have government appointed job agencies who help hire people. see if there is something like that.

he obviously should not behave like that....and i really wish i could help with that.

 

I agree with Rakhii, the first thing you need to do is achieve financial independence. I enrolled my son into a Mother's Day Out program, which is a part time daycare for Stay at Home moms. Its a bit cheaper and easier for young children to get used to staying away from mom. Using the free time from that, I started searching for a job. Don't listen to your husband about what you can and cannot do - he clearly doesn't want to be supportive. Reach out to your personal friends, about looking for a job or training.

You mentioned that you want a reality check for your husband. Well, that will require you to build your confidence and not get emotional because of his taunting. it helped me to have a job and separate credit card and bank account. Despite all the nonsense he might say to you, please try to do the same. This separate money can help you pursue resources to fix your relationship. In my case, I pushed for marriage counseling, since my husband wouldn't take me seriously, I felt that an older Indian lady could speak some sense into him. It helped, though he still caused a lot of fuss. It's in my personality to be a bit submissive, so I had relented to a lot of his demands. It's only when I stopped putting up with his **** and started saying 'no', and made my plans according to what I needed - he started figuring out that he can't keep doing this. Don't let your husband browbeat you and lower your confidence. Clearly this man isn't smart enough to appreciate what he has, so there is no need for you to take his assessment of you seriously. I also suggest that you keep in touch with your female friends group. There is something about your friends support that will remind you how capable you are.

 

Extreme rude, how did you let him bring you down?

Foolishness, you shouldn't have stopped.

Don't cook when he does that again.

Why didn't you take that option to go alone to India, cos he would have asked you to take the baby with you in the end.

Please don't have second baby with this person.

He is just threatening you for a baby I guess. Don't fall for it. Just say "yes" if he asks you to go back India again, look for a job there. Don't fight with him and go back India, which can turn ugly. Speak with him affectionately and take this option. Live away from in-laws if its possible. If not possible, live with them but never bother to speak with them much. Work & Baby may keep you busy in India.

Or stay with your parents, if you get a job, you no need his money.

Its a threaten again.. Don't ever fall for it.

Maintain a good relationship with him and go back India. If you get a good job, I think you no need to come back after 6 months. You can take care of yourself and baby. Let him come and see you and baby from US once in 6 months.

I really feel sorry for your situation. I think you should find a job either in US or India. You can't depend this person forever. There is no way these people are ever changing. You have to act wise and change your situation. Don't ever fall for this baby threaten, it will make your life more miserable. Be brave.

 

As for all your earning going to daycare: this may be true in the beginning but you have to start somewhere and build work experience. That is the only way you will get better paying jobs, so hopefully you won't be in that phase for too long. And having a good job will boost your confidence tremendously.

 

Have about getting a job at daycare ? Sometimes kids go free if the parents are working.

 

Hi Op,

Read your posts and others opinion, before I start any suggestions, please note, US comes under G8 group of companies here the rules and regulations are far more strict as compared to other countries.

Ensure you have a xerox copy of your husband passport, office / work details, Email Id, Phone No and bank account number (salary is credited) and your kids birth certificate and your marriage certificate.

(My explanation)

Your husband is asking you to pack up your bags, please go ahead and come back to India with your kid.

Once back in India its better you stay with your in laws and now you better concentrate fixing up your situation (not to bother about your father or brother).

If you have a bank account its fine, else open a bank account.

If your husband is not shelling out money (please approach India immigration dept) along with the documents you carried (prior to that send him 3 for 4 emails requesting for monthly expenses to be transferred in your bank account and not your MIL or SIL accounts).

If your in laws specially your MIL or SIL mistreats with you or the money is not transferred in your account please don't hesitate to go legal, create a huge scene as now you are not only his legal wife but mother of his kid.

If you want to work, then you can go for job search or approach your earlier company.

Whether you get a job or not, now take over things in your control play with their game plan (MIL, SIL & your husband).

Best wishes.....

 

OP look at this response...+ for these two points here.

In my case he refused to come for counselling. The wonderful ladies here on this forum suggested I should do it alone as it will help me in the process of healing and recovery. I took their advise and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Since the counsellor was a third person, she was able to see "both" sides of the coin. I realised that i was doing/saying a lot of things which weren't kind either. I realised my side of mistakes too. Remember, it takes two to Tango. I am not sure financially how much you can spend on a counsellor. Contact the state and see if there are any free services. Again, I cannot stress enough on having to look in Facebook about local moms groups. It would be a right place to ask for suggestions on where you can find free services like this. Perhaps a friend can help in watching you kid for 30 mins or so. I would look for something like this instead of going on hubby's insurance.

 

your husband has severe inferiority complex. Sorry this is rude but true. unless he works on his confidence, he will keep blaming his insecurities on you. your situation only become OK, as you will stand for yourself. but it will never be happy unless he works on himself and sees you as his partner rather as a lower human .

It is so funny and sad. People (males and female ) when they are young and married . have a fake confidence and think that their mom and sibling are enough . When they cross some age like 40. then they realize, that MOM is old now, cannot support in any way. sibling are busy with their own family . The once best friends are busy with their own family. then they feel alone and become upset. if they focus on their wife or DH better before, such conditions never come.

also please don't have another child. raising is a child is hard work . it looks nice in facebook when you post your pictures but daily life is irritating and depressing, if you are already struggling.