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Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Caughtinbetween, Jan 20, 2021.

  1. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    If her husband has worked for more than 10+ years in US she and her minor kids (18) will be eligible for social security payments. It’s sad that her husband did not think about adding her in all his bank accounts.
     
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  2. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Finest Post Winner

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    yes thats true @Minion .. i and another of her friend knew since the beginning about these things but then i couldn't directly ask him to do it . i would still hint to him to add her at few places at least, but being an outsider you cant insist beyond a certain point.
     
  3. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP- I am sorry for your loss! I don't have anything new to add, you have received excellent advice. I just wanted to say that you are an amazing friend and more than anything your friend needs the emotional support right now that you are providing.

    You mentioned that your friend is not financially independent and may lack confidence in speaking with the right people to sort out her situation. One of her older children might be able to talk to the authorities (in presence of their mom) to help her. Once the most critical part is over (getting access to finances), the family can talk about the next step for the kids. They still have a year to plan for college. kids will be able to get financial aid. I would suggest not turning down any help that your friend can get right now- medicare/Medicaid, food stamps, help with rent, free/reduced lunches for kids if they are going to school, etc. The little things add up. Once the family is back on their feet, she can look for a job even if it is minimum wage, which will help her get a stable income.

    I wish her the best!
     
  4. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    ... Your decision not to get involved in the family-members' help to the widow is good.

    You may help indirectly:
    If your NJ-resident friend is a US Citizen/PR, then she can ask her prime-helper (or the eldest child) to seek "constituent service" from her local congressional representative. US Congressional representatives have a budget (federal government allocated annual grant) for constituent services, and they also have staff specially appointed to serve their constituents' needs with Federal Assistance programs. Once the application for benefit has been made at the Social Security Admin office, she would receive a reference (or..case) number. And that case number can be provided to the constituent-service staff to make sure that the case goes forward with the speed it obviously deserves. You, as a helping friend, can find out who her congressperson is (her zip code is all you need), the address and phone number of their office in the congressional district, call them to find out the name of the staff who would help. Constituent services staff may also wish to send her (a form ) letter of condolences. And you may then write an email to your friend to tell her helper to contact the staff member with the details.

    During the Covid situation, the usually slow government wheels are turning even slower because of low staffing levels, and partial working hours. A nudge from the Congressional Constituent Services person would surely help move the process along faster.

    Here is a famous case of a child who was helped:
    Paul Ryan, a Congressman from Janesville, Wisconsin grew up with the support of the Social Sec assitance when his father died, and his mother got the benefit for minor child-in-care. He was the speaker of the house, and then, the VP candidate when Mitt Romney ran against Barrack Obama in 2012 election. He is now a lobbyist allegedly making millions.
     
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  5. boby

    boby Silver IL'ite

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    Very unfortunate this happened! I feel they are better off going to India, finish the kid's college education there and come back here, since they are US citizens. With the amount of savings they will have and insurance money, their lifestyle in India will be much better, if they have good support system there!
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2021
    Caughtinbetween likes this.
  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    They will pay more in capitation fees in Indian college than to get a much better quality education in US.
     
  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    I suspect many husbands think that their wives are incapable of responsible money management, and decide to periodically dole out only the amounts they deem appropriate for their households.

    This seems to happen to immigrant families from countries with an established, traditional patriarchal schemes. Countries of Eastern Europe, Africa, Middle East, and South Asian subcontinent. This also happens to housewives*, rather than employed women in America [*housewives of all shades, not just desi's or immigrants].

    People in America know that auto accidents rank among the top few causes of death in the country. Those in the state of NJ and PA would know the infamous Pennsylvania Turnpike, and how "black ice" on that road causes annual winter pileups of cars with tens of deaths in each incident. Cars spinning off the roads, because some local municipality had skimped on salting frequency for the roads in their care, is not unusual to see in the daily evening news in winters. The journal of the American Medical Assoc. has recently noted that Covid-19 has surpassed auto accidents as the cause of death for the over-35 demographic. :frown::facepalm:.

    It is time all families get together and talk about this. And run mental simulations.

    [​IMG]
     
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  8. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    So sad that a husband does not add his wife to his bank account even after 20 years of marriage. When will all this patriarchal mindset change??
     
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  9. Anisu

    Anisu Gold IL'ite

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    @Caughtinbetween ,
    My suggestion would be that atleast one friend should be knowing whats happening currently on their finances and other things. Extended family would definitely help. You need not have to interferr.But it is also good for a friend to just be there with her. This is from my experience.
     
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  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    @Caughtinbetween - I'm so sorry for your friend's loss.
    @Hopikrishnan has very valid suggestions. I have contacted my local state rep for something and they have always helped out as much as they can. The local congressman has also helped a family in a similar situation where someone passed away without a will.
    Has the employer come forward with some help? The one person who was in such a situation, the spouse's employer had assisted in some ways. Some employers have some policies in place for these things. My DH's instruction for me is to contact his immediate boss if something like this happens because they have a HR policy in place for this.

    Also, for insurance, the death of the employee is a qualifying criteria for COBRA. The surviving spouse and kids can avail insurance via COBRA for 36 months if I'm stating it right. I'm sure they can at least for the first year.

    Does your friend want to continue living in the US? Asking because regardless of the financial assistance family and go fund me provides, living expenses add up in the US for an unemployed mother.
     
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