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Looking for suggestions; indecisive spouse

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by CharuKaur, Jun 22, 2010.

  1. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    Hi ladies

    I have been away for quite some time, but the first thought that came to my mind in this situation of need was to seek your advise. So, here i am..

    I have been married for a happy 3 years now. It is a love marriage and we had to fight quite a bit to make it possible. Some time ago my husband got pulled into persuing higher studies as he wanted to make "BIG" in his career and not continue to do what he is right now for all his life. Initially i didnot like the idea coz of the high expenditure it involves, the need to stay in US until the student loan is paid off, delay in family extension etc etc. However, gradually i realised how a grad degree will really help his personality and career and agreed to his idea.

    He received admits from good (not the best) schools last year, but he didnt dare to join due to the economy meltdown and not very inspiring placements of international students. However, he seemed focussed and applied to schools again this year. Now he has an admit from a 10-15 rank MBA school again. Since a 2 year full time course would have meant him being very busy i opted for a switch in my job and have joined a very BIG consulting firm. The flip side is that i have to travel Monday to Thursday to my client location.

    Since the last 2/3 months (ever since the MBA school admit and my job change happened) my husband has been in a state of total confusion. We have been talking to alumni and senior ppl in IT(we both work in IT) since then and are aware of the pros and cons of going to school or continuing with our jobs. But he seems to be totally split minded at this point. we have been having long discussions every day of these last few months. I love my husband a lot and have never seen him in such despair. The thought of investing all our savings so far plus loan for his MBA seems to be killing him. there might be some VISA constraints also limiting me to work after some time. So he is worried about the income during his studies and also the fact that i might have to continue working just because we need money and not because of my will.

    This is getting on to me now! Seeing him in such low confidence state (he has already lost 10 pounds) is horrible. I tried being bossy, symthatic, understanding and supportive with him but nothing seems to work. everytime i guide him towards one direction he comes up with the demerits of the decision and appears more confident about the other option. As soon as we change directions he again does the same. we have been stuck in the same place for more than a couple months now.

    Is there something i can do to help this... really need your help ladies.
    I am sad and tired of the painful discussions on daily basis. His sad face hurts me!
     
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  2. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Charu,
    I know what you are saying - I am at a point in life, where I have certain decisions to make, and it is VERY TOUGH sometimes. The only way is to realize that we cannot see the "future". We have to believe in ourselves and make a tradeoff. Tradeoff is the keyword. There will be compromises and risks.

    I know exactly what you and your DH are feeling. Very much so. Thats what drew me to this thread.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2010
  3. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you for your quick response dear!
    I totally agree with you.

    His confusion is primarily because he doesnt feel the pull to stay away from family in India, my being away for 4 days of the week and a possible money crunch that we will face in the next few years. But what irritates me most is that he has been persuing this thought of grad school for over an year now. Re-considering his decision at the last minute is harmful for him and our future!
    I know i am more than needed annoyed, but i have heard of his father being in "depression" when things wre not going his way. I am SCARED!!!
    I dont know what to do :drowning
     
  4. kamatchivalli

    kamatchivalli New IL'ite

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    I totally agree with Spiderman here...:thumbsup
    I have been there,done that...
    My DH supported me...handling his busy career/DD and his crazy wife...I did the same for my DH...It was tough but certainly worth it...

    I would like to quote Spiderman here,"We can't predict/foresee our future...but believe in yourself"...

    All the very best for your future endeavours...:thumbsup

    Regards,
    Suja
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2010
  5. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi charu,
    from ur post it seems ur dh is really keen on education but too much research,consultation,discussions ,brooding on both cons & pros have made him nervous to take any decison.
    i suggest take a break of 2-3 days.don't discuss about which way to take.just live in present in those 2-3 days & focus on enjoyment.
    many a times a break gives us better persective.
    above all tell him to have faith in GOD.............or if he is non believer in HIMSELF.
    pragati
     

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