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Long distance marriage and how to keep marriage kindled!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by meena2, Sep 25, 2010.

  1. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

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    ASG (and neha),

    By "leeching" I meant hang on to DH day in and day out, being over-possessive of the relationship with DH, have no other personal life, clinging to DH like there is no tomorrow, not necessarily for money/tuition/materialistic stuff like ASG said..Leeching in the sense loving my DH should be the highest priority and I shouldn't have my own friends, hobbies, etc... Just because am in love/married to DH doesn't mean I equate DH to God and forget all the other relationships/priorities/goals in life.

    I don't know how else to explain but I was definitely not hinting at the "dependent visas" or me working I am not even sure why these were even brought into picture..Maybe you got influenced with my other posts or maybe I touched a nerve...I don't understand why it was taken personally...

    If depending on family for tuition/money/love etc is the definition of a "leech" . I am one too because I earned my first pay check at 19 and I definitely want my parents/friends/DH/siblings etc to love me.If staying with DH is then I am a leech too.

    ASG,

    All I meant to say is I can't compare the love I have for my DH, sibling and parents. The love I have in each case is unique.All of them are important and I can't chose one over the other. Each one of them is important in my life in their own ways. Again the opinion differs from person to person.IMHO there is no thumb rule that a person should love his/her parents more than spouse or the other way around
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2010
  2. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

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    Again I'd like to mention..just because I have a job which pays me a six figure income doesn't mean I am exempt from any of the housework (and child stuff in the future). It's not an easy task to juggle a job and housework at least to me. Not to sound offense but I am not even sure why you keep on hinting that am working woman/not on dependent visa??
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2010
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I wasn't hinting anything. I don't know what type of visa you are on.
     
  4. priyaluvsbaby

    priyaluvsbaby New IL'ite

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    When I read through some of the posts..it is really confusing:drowning...
    The question here was how to be intimate in long distance marriage...

    My suggestions are...

    1)video chat
    2)daily phone calls..(compulsory even if you guys are way too busy)
    3)Even good morning calls ..
    4)meeting frequently....whenever there is a chance
    5)Sending gifts and cards
    6)After all....if possible parallelly both of you should search for a suitable job in either location so you can live together happily ever after....:clap
     
  5. smilemoon

    smilemoon Senior IL'ite

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    hey frends , i am in a similar situation, my dh is in abroad. and we meet once in four months. it been a yrs since we r apart. and this time its worse , he came in june 10` and will come back only in feb 11`. though i speak to him . i miss him. dont do this mistake. but at times economically condition takes a upper hand. the confusion btw mind and heart.
     
  6. karjothi

    karjothi New IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    before getting into a relationship, make sure you can accept the lifestyle after marriage. What is the point getting separated, marriages are meant to live life together forever.

    the choice is always yours. if that's the lifestyle you prefer go ahead. I live with my husband. We only meet our family members once every 2 months or so. We are very independent, we both are working. I even deliver both my babies without any family members around. My DH was by my side and that is all I needed.

    I cant accept if my DH get separated from me for any reason. His support in all my undertakings in very important for me.
     
  7. kiran1

    kiran1 New IL'ite

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    I think that life throws at us many unexpected challenges - physical distance can be one of them.

    While I would love to be living with my spouse and sharing my life on a daily basis with him, we too are on opposite coasts for the last half year. It wasn't something expected. It's just that in order to build for our future, while financially staying solvent now, he has to go study and I have to work - and he can't study where we were, and I can't go work where he has to study. That's just life. For better or worse, as they say. :bonk

    To the original poster, here's what I've found helps:

    1. Throughout the day, whenever you are thinking of him, send a text or an email. Let him know you are missing him.

    2. Talk by phone as often as possible.

    3. Skype! As much as possible.

    4. Send cards, notes, maybe even small items from home (including his favorite treats) so that he is surprised and feels loved even though you aren't there with him.

    5. When you talk, really talk. Communicate about everything. Keep the emotional intimacy alive and well.

    6. Visit as much as you can. I know it gets expensive, but there are some good deals sometimes that can get you across the country.

    It is a very lonely being without your spouse. So I know exactly what you are going through. But, as my friends and family keep telling me, stay busy. Take classes, pursue hobbies, etc. Hopefully the time will pass quickly and you will be together again soon.
     

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