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Loneliness and work, help!

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by feather, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. feather

    feather New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I am new to this site. I am sorry if this is not the correct forum to post. I have so many problems (or uncomfortable situations) in my day-to-day life, I thought I'll start with this here and get some solace.

    I am working abroad, my project is almost about to end. I am not a gregarious person, rather timid but when I make a friend or two, I remain loyal (maintain good friendship). I usually greet people but I don't know why I am unable to strike a chord & make friendship. All I get are nods, stares or none! I am all alone in my office, nobody speaks to me unless it is work-related. I go to office alone, eat lunch by myself and sit at my desk all day and go home. There is no sense of happiness or well-being. I feel so lost.

    Sometimes, on the road I see few Indians but they don't even give me a look. Once, I introduced myself (in spite of being ignored) but the couple spoke to me only that time and I pass through their route almost every week, they don't even acknowledge my presence.

    I don't want to keep on nagging my husband about my loneliness. We have good time when we are together but it is not enough, I think a friend is also necessary.

    Because of all these, I can't concentrate on my work. My quality of work is getting lower. Today, I thought I'll almost be fired because of my incomplete work. My boss is not yet complaining but I can see that his reactions to my emails or work is not very positive. Please help, I don't want to lose my job or go with a bad reference.
     
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  2. vijikrish

    vijikrish Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Lonely,
    Dont feel depressed,ur not alone in this situation, lots of ppl living aborad have same situtation. It take time, environment to get friends. Do you prefer only Indian friends? How about you send email to your team ask them about good local restaurants in town and plan out going lunch with them...that is how you start ur move. While during lunch talk about their family, kids or whatever related to your team friends.
    How about visiting IL Norway group and introduce yourself? Or start thread looking for Indian friends in Norway...I am sure there should be thread in IL for u to start lookout for friends.

    Good Luck and Cheer up! It happens to everybody...you are not just alone.

    Viji
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. Soumedh

    Soumedh Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Why you are looking for only Indian friends?You are spending majority of day time at work so I would suggest start mingling with other colegues during tea and coffee or lunch breaks.
    As Viji suggested post your request on other forum also.
    Anyway keep visiting IL it will refresh your mind.
    RGDS
     
  4. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Since your are a bit reserved(hope my guess is right) it my take some time to get a friend who matches your wavelength.So it is ok if you do not have friends initially but be on the lookout for one whom you think will be compatible with you and then you can be sure that you have got a friend for life.
     
  5. spuppala

    spuppala Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Feather,

    You get to meet so many people at office and why can't you just start mingling with them?Do they ignore you even if you say hi to them?Are you only interested in making Indian friends..Just broaden your heart and give a warm welcome to others too..Who knows anyone from them may become your fav friend..

    Else everyone suggested,just start a thread in Norway forum and initiate a meet.you can get lot of people ..common cheer up..its good that atleast your husband is with you..Imagine about bachelors/spinsters!!Start developing good hobbies and you won't even come here to pen down your problems:)Go to some music classes or try hitting agym where in you can get to meet lots of people and make friendship with them..What do you say??Don't get worried by all these and spoil your work environment..Be cool and wear a smile on your face always..!!
     
  6. rnair

    rnair Silver IL'ite

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    cheer up feather...trust me , you are not alone.
    When I used to complain to my DH initially , he would say, what if you had lots of friends and not me.. :p
    that was a new perspective which did console me for a while.
    it may take some time but gradually you are bound to meet like minded people.
    i found a local group on orkut couple of years back and we still organize family get togethers.
    I still miss hanging around with close friends like old times though ...
    like Viji suggested you could start a thread looking for Indian friends in Norway.

    Take Care..Cheer up!
    You are not alone.
     
  7. suekrishna

    suekrishna New IL'ite

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    Cheer up the very response from others speaks volumes. You may be a shy person but what stops you from smiling as you walk into office greet a good morning and smile. Some may think you are weird , some may ignore but there may be other like you waiting for the first step who will respond.

    As you step out of your house wave a greeting with a smile no words...thats friendship, it brightens your day immediately. You dont have to know someone to be friendly..if you are passing or seeing someone working on the street as you walk everyday into office smile and nod... I am sure you will have a few talking friends very soon.

    A friend of mine at school would smile at anyone we saw on the streets as we walked to school everyday. Many of us including me thought her as weird, we even told her off at times. Hey you will attract wrong attention...is something wrong with you! we would say. We went through school and college together and parted ways when she got married. 20 years later we met again through a group reunion and the smile was still there on her face.......and everyone remembered her from it.. we had all changed in looks ......not many recognisable so close any more ...I learnt my lesson that a smile and a nod was just enough to be part of another persons world..

    You may be in a new place ...but try things like these why not take a plate of cookies over to your neighbours if you see someone quite often in the week or the weekend..you could go alone or take your husband...

    Tell yourself everyday that it is special and you are going to have a great day and see the difference ....start with small gestures and your day will be done.

    Find out if there is any volunteering for an hour or 2 and go do it every week. Take a jog..and greet people on the way.......you will do great

    Take Care .......a new place , a new job, a new start a new beginning....
     
  8. rashmi19

    rashmi19 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi ;
    My case is different then yours.
    I am working in mumbai in my cousion Jijaji(BIL) office.
    Now the main problem arises. all office thinks i am near to him,so iwould tell everything minute thing.Thus no one shares anything with me or rather keeps distance from me.
    But such is not the case.
    There was new entry in our office. Initially no one was taking her seriously.At that time i supported her.She needed money without knowing her too much still i gave her.
    Then because of my exams i took 1 month's leave & now whole dynamics had changed. she is trying to avoid me.
    But is for sure that she is into office politics.
    I feel so lonely when office guys plan out something & i am not asked also.I feel so lost.
    Now our boss has given me so much of work.That i get less time to be free.But it feels that i dont have any social life as i was very extrovert kind of person.also its like working too much in very less salary.Every one comes to me when thay have some work.I feel so depressed
    Everyday i prey god for some magic to happen.
    Kindly help....
     

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