Living abroad made us grow wiser. How about you???

It is funny, we live in the same city about 30 kms from inlaws and about 20kms from parents but the distance is more than any of you guys living abroad. Inlaws hardly visit us and we visit them only for their major festivals.........ours being a inter-religion marriage.:biggrin2:
Actually, there is zero interference from either parents or inlaws. My parents help us out in need due to young kids. His parents have shut us off in whatever family matters due to their son's "arrogant and foolish" (according to them) decision to marry me.

So, it is dh and I for ourselves on our own with no support whatsoever and actually that made us grow more closer to each other. Our understanding and love towards one another has increased ten-fold over 10yrs.......touchwood!!!

Yeah, I agree couples should be allowed to live by themselves during the initial years of marriage to better understand one another especially in diverse marriages where the DIL is seen as a probable threat to the entire family. Marriages in these cases are fragile in the begininig because of the tremendous adjustments one has to make especially the DIL and there is always a chance of misunderstandings and frustrations.

 

Very true Tara,

Staying close to in-laws can really affect ur day-to-day relationship wit ur dh. Moreover, wen gals can stay away from their parents after marriage, y nt even the grooms choose to live separate?
If the couple wants to understand each other and strengthen their mutual trust, living far away is the key!!

 

I'm with Tara.

I needed the space and time to grow up to be my own individual. To make my own mistakes and figure out things. It so happened that I moved to the US right after marriage. I don't know what kind of a difference it would have made, had I lived in another city in India.

And like another poster said, a lot of people do not appreciate the concept of boundaries and they take it upon themselves to 'guide' you over every move of yours and offer suggestions for everything. My MIL is not that much of a perfectionist as my mother is. But, I find that even she does a lot more "watching over the shoulders" with her daughters and DILs, than she does with her sons. Like it's fine for men to make mistakes and that women need to be taught the perfect art of housekeeping and being a mother.

 

This thread made me to compose my first post.:thumbsup
yes, very true the couples need alone time for them to know each other.that happens in a very pleasant way if there is no family interference as husband and wife gets good amount of private time.

I am realising the importance of this everybody and miss good amount of alone time with my husband.bacause my PILs are living with us right now.and my both the SILs are living in a very short distance.My PILs make very frequent trips here as all of their three children are living here.(though i was happy initially(yes, really was).i was very excited for their first trip after me got married.they have made several trips before too.).but really i am not anymore.

My husband being the youngest of the three is pampered much by my MIL.sometimes by his sisters too.He has this habit of consulting each and everything with his mother,and still share every small incidents in his life like how a kid back from school would share to its mom.
I am the elder one in my family.though i am from a small and close knit family, i was very independant with my activities and used to make day-to-day decisions myself.I would definitely consult my parents for important decisions.
Me and my husband vary a lot in this.he cannot decide anything without discussing with his mother, father, sisters and sometimes his brother-in-laws too.
Because they are all living here and very close to each other, i was made to be like that.if not i am sure i could have been looked different.
Me and my husband had lots of arguments and there had been lots of tiffs between us.Its getting worser everyday.Its only me who is suffering emotionally and he is not even able to understand my problem/situation.

Before i could understand the reality of marriage, i have undergone lots of emotional disturbances which i am now learning to overcome with the help of Indusladies.
My interaction with my hubby is considerably reduced because i am not comfortable talking in my own way in front of his parents.also my MIL would join us whatever we both discuss.I feel that so annoying so i limited my conversation with him.I am stilllooking for a better way to deal with this.:help

Tara,
We are living abroad but with husband's family here to still treat him as a younger brother, PILs here to still him pamper him everyday.
So, in my case living abroad too did not make us grow wiser.so husand is still the same, and i am losing my capability of being independant, decision making.

This one is a good thread.:clap

 

Jazzlady,

You said most of the things I was going to say. IMO it all depends on the couple. I moved to US within few weeks after marriage. But DH 2 sisters live closeby and IL's pretty much used to spend 8 + months every year in US the first few years after I got married. For the first 1 year the deal was every weekend DH unmarried sister will come and stay at our place, make calls and inform IL about each and every thing and then only she will go out with DH when she is here and I just stay home etc. We hardly got any time for ourself and also every move by DH was dictated by his sisters or parents for almost 12 years.

DH younger brother lived with his parents for 1 year in india and then gave excuse of too much commute time and moved separately. Even in the 1 year they stayed together - they made no adjustments to their lifestyle. I see that BIL and his wife are very close to each other. It all depends on the person , and I don't think india or US matters at all.

 

Exactly!!

Kids growing up in US do not have that kind of family bonding that would have been if they were raised in India. Again, there are exceptions but this is a general observation.

It took me so much time to blend in because saying 'Hi, how r u?' to a total stranger seemed so pretentious and many a times, someone would say 'hello, how r u?' and walk away and I would stop there to actually answer them, but by that time that guy has already got into his car or walked away 200 ft.:biglaugh

I think this depends on parents and varies from child to child. But yeah, generally NRI's seem to have this tendency to look down upon India at every given opportunity pretending to forget the fact they are from that very land and were educated there with common man's tax money and today settling in comfortable positions and making the elite class here they thrash the very education system that has so much value here. :rant

I think ajain, 95% will say their choice is India. No matter what, there may be 'n' number if problems with life in India but there is some charm to life there. Life is not monotonous and dull like here. It is lively there.
I will go with your answer too.

The only solution to our problems here is....:bang :bang:bang

Be assured no one will disturb you......:rotfl
No interference !!!!!!

 

Hi
I agree,when you are two of you you bond better.Staying close to relatives calls for un-wanted interference.
Also staying in a joint family or with inlaws you will have to abide by their rules,no freedom astleast in most cases.They will interfere and try to dominate your thoughts and am glad to have my own personal world.

 

seriously... this works ...even if we live in india ..if we live seperately..it is always good...when we are liitle far away..then only our relationship is valued...

We are also planning to move seperately...

 

its very true

 

ya that true, we should have some space and no interference, i feel very uncomfortable whenever they visit us. no freedom breath, the problem is that my husband has gone abroad and im staying with inlaws really im counting my days to go. im also angry that he has left me back that to with IL.