Live In Relationships

Marriages have become too commercial...'you give this, I give that' type, commercially. Also, don't know with what kind of hidden agenda the boy or girl come up with...My wife betrayed and separated from me for the last 4 years and I feel the above. Though I'm not an avid supporter of live-in relations, at least you come to know about that person.
Unless the friendship is platonic, there is no live-in relation without physical. Some emotional support will also be there, as days go by. Marriage is so complicated, in my opinion.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with you

"you give this, I give that"

True, there needs to be common ground to have foundation in marriage.

Because once lovey-dovey feeling is gone, you need to survive day-to-day.

What is the point of tasty coffee if there are holes in the styrafoam cup.

 

Live in relationship in our context is just a fake game only.
No one from our part of the world can invest so much both emotionally and physically on someone without any commitment from the other.
Basically, in any kind of love relationship, there is a hope, rather some invisible understanding that the couple would stay together.
We build on anything from this understanding only.
Therefore, many individuals representing our countries suffer when their partners decide to break up or see someone else after a point. They act as though their marriage is broken.
That's when revenge and all sort of drama happens.

I've seen plenty of college students and corporate colleagues start live in relationship out of convenience. Only a few realize their emotional bonding, hence get into a long term committed relationship like marriage.
But the other, enjoy this purely for their happiness till one of them romantically fall for the other; hence start feeling committed deep inside.
This is where the other is trapped and feel it hard to part ways as agreed originally in their live in set up.
Such relationships often ends up with loads of chaos only.

Your friend is at the verge of divorce and she needs some emotional support. At this juncture, she will not be ready to lose anyone who comes in the form of live-in relationship to share some of his days with her.
She will suffer when this guy chose to say good bye to your friend to set up a committed life of his choice after a while. That's when your friend would feel deserted and cheated.
Actually, she shouldn't be feeling like this, if she has agreed to such an uncommitted relationship, right?
Do you think it is possible?


Therefore, I would suggest your friend to start loving herself , and try to find happiness within herself instead of depending on someone else for her happy life.
If she is happy within, she can chose her needs and wants wisely.
If she truly needs a partner, let her chose one according to her taste with a more calm and clear mind.

 

In an arranged marriage in India, there is no way you can 'fully' know about your partner. You marry based on some assumption...you heard about their family or by a little known fact. Once married only, you will come to know the qualities of your spouse slowly in every situation. If the person is good, you are lucky or you can keep the marriage by adjusting or forgiving.

In western countries, so many people are opting for live-in relation because: they want to know each other before committing to marriage. There are so many people who get divorce within a short period of time and take away their spouse's 50% of the hard earned retirement savings and other properties. Then there is no use of regretting. With live-in relations, at least you will know about the person in 6 months or a year. When you enter a live-in relation, you agree to the fact that if it works, you stay, else leave, right? Where will the chaos come here?

Arranged marriage is total disaster if something goes wrong...in this way arranged marriages are also fake...at least till the time you fully understand your partner.

Commitment comes only when there is trust. If there is no trust...then? First of all how will you trust? on what basis? All assumptions?

Again, I'm not an avid supporter of live-in relations, these are just my 2 cents...both - marriages(arranged or love) and live-in relations has its own pros and cons...you decide what you want.

 

I don’t really endorse cohabitation / live in relationships. But that’s just me. I would advice your friend to be aware of all the issues relating to it. It’s becoming prevalent in metropolitan areas but still rare in the rural areas. Social acceptance is still very low though there are some legal acceptance and one should be aware of it.

From what I know as per SC there are legal laws which does help prevention of exploitation of women in the live in relationships. As per the legal laws couple living in such relationships for a period of time, though unclear about the duration of cohabitation, can seek legal help if involved in domestic violence or abuse issues. They can file FIR and seek family lawyer to get help. Though I am not very sure about the legal status of such relationships if one had problems after a long term relationship and later separated due to abuse they can still seek maintenance through the court under domestic violence act.

The kids born out of cohabitation get legal rights just like married couples. They can seek help from lawyers if there are disputes regarding the child maintenance as the child is eligible for getting support. Though the live in couple can mutually separate as per their convenience it’s not familiar to the common man.

Overseas, different countries and different states have their own rules regarding cohabitation. Most accept it as legal ones and the legal laws of married couples apply to them and even their kids. So the maintenance and child support is the same in many countries irrespective of cohabitation or married status whilst separation.

In India it’s still not clear cut but there are legal avenues to get help. All the above information is from online discussion boards and news regarding the cohabitation issues.

 

Your deep thought, and the long post is quite good.
Yes, I agree that a live-in scheme is not good in our context.
It is natural for a woman to feel the need for a man at home, especially if she had been used to having one, and has a selective memory for only the good times she has had with him.
The OP's friend ought to try and identify a candidate who shows interest in an live-in scheme, and then have him over for an occasional dinner and chat. Living separately at a convenenient distance, and having an occasional visit with one another is the best compromise.

 

OP, which part of the world is your friend in? In North America, after living together for certain period, they fall under something called "common law". Should the couple decide to split, most rules of divorce still apply to them. This is, assuming they are actually sleeping together too.
Its highly unlikely you will find a guy who only wants to emotionally support her. Come to think of it, if its just the emotional support she is after, what is the need for the partner to be a guy? It can even be a woman friend right?

 

Man become very weak without family. Family gives us extra strength and power to live happily. Because in family they all are supportive, loving each other, sharing joy and sorrow together. Family is taking main part in our children’s metal growth. Family is one of the valuable gift of god. It gives us pressure and happiness. If we are falling in any struggle or problems family members are solving our problems easily. They always taking care of our problems. I love my parents, and family too much. Because I have a lovable and heavenly gift family.Live in relationship is always good for everything.

 

There are too many options today, for women. Whichever way you call it -- Live in relationships, Friends with Benefits, One night stands, Committed casual relationship etc . The list goes on.

Thanks,
Rekha
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My blog : www.quora.com/profile/Rekha-K-75