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Live A Life Of Dignity At Old Age

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, May 25, 2018.

  1. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    There's just one thing I did not like that your sister avoided meeting her old parents for 7 years to save travel money. Don't want to judge her maybe her husband did not allow.That's the problem with patriarchy I think at that time women were forced by society to blindly follow norms of being "soft and sacrificing ideal wives and mothers" for their husband and kids, instead of being strong and taking right decisions regarding her family(parents, husband, kids) like:-
    • duty of visiting her own old parents
    • being a strong and strict mother for the well being of the child(cigarettes issue)
    • being a bold person who is able to plan future properly without guilt
    I can only blame patriarchy for not allowing women to take strong and right decisions. What is glorified by patriarchy as sacrifice turned out to have negative and cruel consequences for everyone involved unfortunately.Her parents suffered and her children suffered,

    Patriarchy expects women to forget their parents after marriage.Alas only if she had taken out time to visit her father more often without counting money she might have been able to guide her from the start and save her from these consequences. Ofcourse it must have caused great pain to her no dneying. Let's not forget our old parents for the sake of husbands/children- after-all our parents are the ones who love us unconditionally and give us the best advice(usually). I hope her children will realise this too.I think such stories are a lesson for women to stand up against being expected to blindly follow a societal image.
     
    Thyagarajan and messedup like this.
  2. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Nakshatra 1,
    Definitely a sorry state of Affairs!Now it has gone out of hands!Let time teach my sister's children.I don't know what image my sister has built of herself and children.
    When very often we are told 'it is none of our business to intervene in their family affair',I don't know how to poke my nose.Even if a police complaint is lodged, my sister may defend her children saying that she is quite happy and that her children are taking good care of her.
    Jayasala 42
     
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  3. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Joylokhi,
    Thank you for the concern expressed.
    Now the adamant daughter alone is with my sister.One of her daughters has gone to US for helping her daughter for delivery.Son and daughter -in-law have left for Bangalore to be with their son.Her daughter who is stated to take care, is attending Vishnu Sahasra Namam in a Samithi daily at 5 P. M That is the time when I can talk to her by phone, if her daughter had left the phone at home.I have tried to talk about her helplessness. But
    she carefully avoids the topic and says' there is no house without problems.She starts narrating very old stories just to divert my attention.I have invited her so many times to come and stay with me at least for a month for a change.Our house is big and we two only are there.She does not bother to listen nor her daughter is willing to send.
    jayasala42
     
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  4. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Very painful to read @jayasala42 ma'am. However, the message is clear. As we enter the twilight years this is a good reminder to stop and reconsider how we live our lives.
     
  5. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear KKrish,.
    Thank you for the concern.You are absolutely correct.Just as we plan for the education and settling of our children, it has become an absolute necessity to plan for the evening of our life as ants store food for winter.When we read stories, we may think that it is an exaggeration.When it just
    happens to us, reality pricks.It is very easy to advise from a third party angle.But hidden inside are not only the ill treatment, but issues likeego, prestige and other deep rooted family culture and reputation.
    thanakku minji daana dharmam( literally it means that you have to think of charity only after fulfilling your baic needs first).Though the saying is interpreted as' leave your ego before doing charity)

    Jayasala 42
     
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  6. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Jaya,
    Your sister having three children and even though sacrificed her life for them is now suffering with mental agony is very deplorable. Yet she is putting up a brave face.
    Lots of parents are in the same situation. Yet they don't like to show their children in bad light keeping in mind of family dignity.
    Parents should think of their old age and keep money separately for their sustenance in stead of depending on the children.
    PS
     
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  7. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you Pushpa.Yes,you are right.She does not want to expose her children.After some trials to solve the problem amicably, we also feel," if she is able to tolerate, why should we intervene.".
    We feel guilty that we are seeing Tamasha when one is in deep trouble.
    What to do?It is like reading a story, feel for the suffering characters and go our own way.
    Jayasala 42
     
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    • [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG] Hello. Thanks.the situation perhaps varies from country to country. The most aged parents in Japan is almost 40 % of total population and they are taken care of both by their children and Government as well. Such a small nation takes great care of their spent force!
    Regards.
    God save all DILs and aged parents. D for despondent or and depression in DILs.
     
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    @nakshatra1 reading responses to madam sister’s post is tear jerking.
    2. During the life time of parents, their wedded sons may or may not take care of their welfare in satisfactory manner but after their demise some of them are very particular in offerings and perform the connected rituals on parents death anniversary - thitdhi -fearing pithru dosham.!? Pithrus would always seek their wards happiness irrespective of whether here or in heaven or in nether world. So When they are alive sons and or daughters should take care of them.
    3. I like the concluding sentence in response #21 but there can not be any universal law for it.
    4. In Tamilnadu there is a legislative law that earning son or sons shall take care of dependent parents’ welfare but many disgruntled parents do not complaint to authorities fearing reprisals. As a welfare measure, Tamil Nadu Government introduced a scheme where aged parents are given monthly solatium.
    Thanks and Regards.
     

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