Little Things Bothering Me...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by nomad24, Jan 4, 2018.

  1. nomad24

    nomad24 Senior IL'ite

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    hi all,

    im 37 weeks. Off late a few thoughts are bothering me wrt my in laws. They are extremely nice and I get along well with them. They are coming over to UK to help me with the baby as they were super excited for a first grandchild.

    The thoughts that have been bothering me are: Its always me and my husband who call them up in India to ask how they are doing. They are very tech savvy, use whatsapp, email, skype. They never call or message me or hubby on their own to ask how I am doing. I am sure they care. But if we dont call for a week if busy, they dont message to check or call. While my mum or dad would message me on whatsapp, a simple one liner - how are you..all well etc etc. evryday or alternate days. I feel cared for, am I wrong in expecting my in laws to enquire about me if we havent spoken for a week or 5 days.

    Also, my mother/father keep asking if I want anything from India so they courier it or send through inlwas when they come closer to delivery. My in laws have not asked me once if you need anything from india and they are coming in 14 days. This is bothering me slightly and I dont want to share this with my husband as it will upset him, I am sure he feels it too. Its not like I want them to pamper me or take care of me but just a simple message/call to check how I am seems thoughtful.

    Am I overthinking or its just my hormones. What do you think?
     
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  2. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    They may be giving you space as these days people don't like any kind of interference. Many suffering from over of it. You are lucky to have that open minded ILS.
     
  3. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    I second with monika. People often complained about their in laws being sneaky. Here you have people who do not want to interfere, do not expect you guys to share everything with them and ready to help with your delivery. I think it will be extra sweet of you I instead of expecting you call them weekly once or twice and tell them whatever you feel like sharing. You have everything to maintain a good relationship with your in laws. These small small things which you keep minding will definitely spoil your relationship with them. Count your blessings'
    Also never ever compare them with your parents. They are not your parents. Always keep that in mind. I have two kids and both the time my mil never ever called me to ask about my whereabouts neither did she come for delivery. So our relationship is pretty much ruined. Now a days she is trying hard to mend our relation which I genuinely have no interest in . By the way my husband is their only son.
     
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  4. nomad24

    nomad24 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks fourthaugust. I do call them weekly, at times more often to share things and we definitely have a good relationship. When I recently had flu/cold for a week, I just had a nagging thought (like you mentioned) that they never ask me my whereabouts :) Obviously, hormones are running high :D and now that I am off work - too much time at hand to think lol
     
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  5. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    Wish you a very
    soon you are going to be a mother. Enjoy ever second of it. All the very best with your delivery. God bless.
     
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  6. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree what monika said.. mine would fight argue when I would not call them every 2nd day..later with hubby .. never asked how I m .. no happiness on face when I was preg..
    So bottom line u know them they r good so be happy don't think a lot on this silly stuff just think it's ur hubby happiness u calling them ..enjoy these preg moment they go very quick ..
    best wishes..
     
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  7. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I think you should consider yourself lucky for having under-nosey inlaws rather than over-nosey in laws. It's just that they have taken it to an extreme level of not bothering about you guys at all.

    I do understand that some caring words can go a long way and they are failing in terms of showing any care towards you. Though its not ideal, still it is anyday better than the other extreme. So it's easier to ignore or handle this than the drama version.

    So whenever you get that thought, think about this n let it go.

    Feel blessed for having nice in laws that you get along with. Perfect people / relationship doesn't exist, so it's ok to accept some flaws / negatives esp when it's not disturbing your life.
     
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  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Pls don't expect In laws to be equal to parents..be happy with the help that you are about to get..
    If there is anything u need from India, politely convey to them in advance so they can do the needful..
    Usually such non interfering attitude is appreciated, it gets very irritating if in laws call everyday and know what you cooked and want to where you are, what you are doing, where you went etc..sometimes they won't approve of certain things that we do.
     
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  9. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Extremely nice IL’s are a very rare breed ! Cherish your relationship with them!
    Good luck with the pregnancy !
     
  10. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    equation between parents with boy child and parents with girl child is different. if its a girl child parents tend to be more involved even when she grows older, with sons distance increases as they grow older ..I assume your in laws don't have a daughter?
     

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