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Life partner with complete different behaviour-Need advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rarey, May 21, 2010.

  1. Rarey

    Rarey New IL'ite

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    Hi IL's
    I am writing this with full of frustration. I have no clues.I was married at the age of 22.
    All in a hurry my parents arranged that especially my mom, told that good family,..blah.blah..blah..
    I too accepted that but I haven't matured enough at that time.
    Now 3 years over and I have 2 years old son.
    Now my-in-laws staying with us and take care of my kid.Without allowing my parents they are doing the job eventhough
    they are aged because of one main reason. I dont want to specify here.
    Problem with in-laws are very common only.
    But me and my husband are not having in a good understanding.
    We two are software engineers. He will approach things differently than me.
    He is often very doubtful about me. I am feeling very shame when he ask some questions.
    I wont be calm at that time.. I too shout. Last time I tried to attend suicide, not with full heart.
    But he is saying like I am only conrolling you. I cann't accept this.
    I didn't except such a person in my life. I have lots of exceptions. God doesn't satisfied not even 10%.
    When we two are alone we are somewhat happy. But now in front of in-laws he is dominating like anything.
    He is not so perfect in all things, he not even like to spend money for valuable things,he wont like to spend
    money for me and my kid- he will thought everything as luxurious eventhough it is small purchase.
    He not even consult things with me. He decided by his own or with his dad or brothers.
    I dont want he should accept me all the times. But if he considers my thought also I feel better.
    We are not travelling in the same path. I dont know where it willl go.
    He is avoiding my parents and brother also because of me.
    He wants me to satisy his wishes.. thats all. After every fight I cann't forget that.
    He forgets everything and he calls me for.....
    I dont like this. I dont have any freedom. We didnt go for a honeymoon after marriage.He doesn't know how to satisfy me with this small
    wishes of me.Whenever I said onething means he will choose the opposite one.
    I have to adjust everything.I dont know to express my feelings here. I dont like him atleast.
    And also he never understand my feelings. If i will study something he will scold.
    If i will be in kitchen all the time he will scold.I was in phone, he will scold..for everything.. tension.. tension..
    He makes everyone feeling tension. I dont like this behaviour.
    He wants to be live with his mom and dad all the time.. then he will feel happy.
    I cann't change him. It is impossible. If his parents are not there means I can but not more than 10%.
    He is a very lazy guy too. He wont take decisions early. I am feeling like I was not matured but he was also
    not matured at this age of 30.
    My life quality has been so much changed.So many times I feel like I have made worng decision about my marriage at early age,
    especially when my friends and relatives getting married to a better guy and getting in to better life.
    Now-a-days I am feeling happy only at office only that too full of thoughts.. In home on seeing my son I satisfied a bit.
    How ladies are tolerating their man. Why they have to adjust each and everything.. Why this society is like this.
    Please advice me to get rid of this. I want a happy life.

    Thanks,
    Rarey
     
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  2. Pavithra55

    Pavithra55 Gold IL'ite

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    hi Rarey.
    i can understand your situation. what i would say is try and speak to your husband. make him realise how important you are. both of you go in for a short vocation. sit and speak your heart. express what you feel about him without hiding anything. understand his feelings too. communication will surely snap out your problems. so make him understand. every thing is in your hand. just you need to be little careful while handling your husband because he might conclude your wrong if you speak ill about his family. all your problems will vanish. stay cool. keep smiling. dont be tensed ok. take care:)

    one more thing both you ask each other what are the things you both like and dislike about each other and try to change accordingly and lead a very happy life.
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2010
  3. deepd

    deepd Gold IL'ite

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    Dear,
    I know how much frustrated you are now as its very evident from your post. I ll advice you to be calm at this point of time and try to relax. Dont think about this problem for some time atleast. Try to calm your mind.
    Your husband probablly doesnt understand the meaning of marrriage altogether. You were immature at the time of marriage so i think this may be the reason for early pregnancy.Ideally you people could have stayed together for a couple of years before deciding to start a family. This whole tension between your Husband and you will affect badly the kds mindset.

    So for improving the situation you need to be calm and try to handle your husband coolly.Plan some vacation with your husband where you can be alone with him to discus the problems between you.

    Every thing will be alright
     
  4. Rarey

    Rarey New IL'ite

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    Thanks Deepd,

    As you said we had to plan our life at early stage itself. Noe I am realizing the cause of early pregnancy. Silence is the best solution I hope.
    Have to plan for vacation too.. But time should permit for that. God doesn't show me favour all the time. Wat to do..
     
  5. Rarey

    Rarey New IL'ite

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    Thank you so much Pavi,...

    I like the last two lines.. Well said.. We have to talk. But when we start it ends up with a fight. That is the problem
    In every family women has to adjust everything.. Silence is the best treatment as for now.
     
  6. thebluemoongirl

    thebluemoongirl New IL'ite

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    i think you are taking everything in a negative way, obviously no 2 persons can think in the same way n these differences are common. Have a positive mind for yourself n approach your relationship in a positive way, u may started thinking from the beginning that u r put into the marriage by your parents n not by you. dont keep thinking that u both are not matured, in our culture people have managed marriage when they were really young too........ so what if u dint go for a honeymoon, go for a trip now, a week or a 10day trip if possible, i always feel a hill station which is not so popular among crowd is the best to go. go with a mindset that you are not going to fight for any reason...even if he starts a fight, tell him immediately we are not here to fight. Make your mind that you will avoid all possibilities of fight, say for eg. u avoid shopping anything in the tour. This trip can help both of you to understand each other. U need a lot of hope, lot of patience n lots n lots of space in your mind and heart to accept things and him. Let god bless you with a happy life.
     
  7. ushkrish

    ushkrish New IL'ite

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    hi
    really you need a lot of them to make a marriage. it is not like a fairy tale where 'they lived happily everafter' . it requires a lot of adjustments, mind set and patience to build a family. so try build ur family firmly with love affection, understanding and adjusting
    all the best:thumbsup
    usha
     
  8. Nirmal stanes

    Nirmal stanes New IL'ite

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    Golden words..
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2010
  9. Rarey

    Rarey New IL'ite

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    Hi Usha,bluemoongirl,

    I accept you both. Well said.I will surely change myself..
    But he should also think that much.. Eventhough he is 30 he is feeling very bad when his mom is not near. He forget that he is a family man and didnt discuss anything with me,
    I have no rights to ask anything.
    But as you said I need lots n lots of patience to accept him. That is long term process. I m changing my mind towards my kid. I dont know any other clue.
     
  10. sweetmommy

    sweetmommy New IL'ite

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    Dear,

    dont worry.things will surely change once you do the silent treatment.I have seen it working for me many a time...Just keep quiet and do your work at home...but watever it takes spend time with your kid..that is the most important thing..Dont loose hope yet..god will definitely look into your issue and make you happy..Just dont give any weightage to in-laws...let it go..Your kid needs a dad and he needs a happy mom and dad.So give you 100% in to your kid and just be quiet and see how it goes...Update us on how it went in few days..I will be thinking about you and will pray for you..
     

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