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Life is but a journey….breaking stereotypes

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by arch1209, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    A few weeks ago, I read an article written by a son to his two moms. Two moms, you would ask how come? Well this guy was brought up by a lesbian couple, by all accounts his life seemed to be very much like mine, except that he had two mothers and I had one and he grew up in a conservative American suburb and I grew up in a conservative Catholic family. As teenagers we both hated our moms, did not like the way we looked, like me he wanted to run away when he was 17, like me he heated school and like me he had his share of heartbreaks. Then it struck me that we had very similar lives, so what gave me the right to question his upbringing or that he did not have the right to have a family.
    Growing up we are made to believe that family is defined by the love we share and each one of us has the right to have a family. A pang of guilt immediately tug at my heart as I realized a very rancid article I had written staunchly opposing gay marriage and their right to have family and children. The year was 2002, and the words I wrote in that article still run in my mind and I realize the journey I have made. Everything that I believed in then I oppose now.
    This past weekend we were visiting friends and a casual discussion happened on gay marriages. My argument was that “marriage” was a personal matter and the government should not have a say on who can marry whom. Immediately, chancing on my Catholic roots my dear friend who is very opposed and appalled with the idea of gay marriage said “Do you not know what the Bible says about gay marriages? How can you as a catholic support gay marriage” My answer was simple “The Bible also says a lot of other things, which are not applicable in the 21st century.” That shut my friend off.
    This write up is not to promote gay marriage; we all have a right to have opinions and view- points. I am simply pointing out my journey from a non-supporter to a supporter, what brought about the change? I think I just grew up, saw the world outside my catholic family and realized that we may not agree with people’s choices but that does not give us the right to make their judgments or stereotype them.
    In 2007, when my husband and I were getting married – me a roman catholic keralite and he a Jat from UP – but natural it was not very easy to get everyone together on the same page. I realized the amount of struggle I had to take to marry someone outside my religion and the thought that bothered me most was that neither of our families had major issues. Given that we had been dating for almost a decade, they had sort of reluctantly agreed to the wedding, however, it was everyone else from neighbors to church and temple members to relatives we never knew existed, that had an opinion. My “very educated” family had stereotypes about North Indians for instance “they will make you cover your head,” “you speak your mind, do you know how Jats treat women like you,” I was surprised that my family who prided on being “non-traditional, cosmopolitan and not very religious” had suddenly turned very pious. My husband’s “very modern and worldly family” had their stereotypes “she is going to wear mini-skirts,” “she is going to cook beef” “she will convert you that’s what most Catholics do?” We have been married for six-years, my Mil now likes me better than her Hindu dil, my family adores my husband, I have never cooked beef, he has never asked me to cover my head, he is still a “Hindu” and I am still a “Catholic,” and it is working out well for both us. The relatives, neighbors and church and temple heads, meanwhile, have found other people to bother.
    The point I want to make is most of the times our stereotypes are fostered by ignorance, lack of knowledge and media painted images. Rarely do we take the time to read about other religions, cultures or simply put people who make a different lifestyle choice. We may not adhere to other people’s beliefs because they are different from us, but should that give us a right to judge them and tarnish them.
    In my journey I discovered that everything that I believed in, in 2002 I am opposed to now. For instance, I thought Abortion was a crime today I believe that abortion, pro-life and pro-choice are different things, I was very much for the death penalty today I am not, I believed seeing a counselor or therapist meant I had an innate weakness but today I know how much courage is needed to acknowledge and ask for help, I know all westerners are not liberal, I know racism, sexism and all oppressive things exist in every society….
    Every day I try to make a little effort to break the stereotypes that is propagated so heavily all around me, it is a challenge but I try with the hope that one day the world will have a place for each of us to survive…We may not agree on everything, now that would be boring, but we will respect our differences….
     
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  2. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Thats an Excellent piece Arch1209. Very honest approach of issues and analysis too.
     
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  3. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Very meaningful, sensible and practical, Arch1209. Liked reading this post. Thanks.
    As the years evaporate
    So are my once stern views.
    I am not the one to rate
    Things about others in view.

    Each of us have a right
    To live here along with others.
    Seldom our decisions are right
    Yet, they should only be ours.

    I can say a thousand things
    About what I feel or hear.
    Will I be accepting something
    Hard about me from others?

    As I grow older each day,
    I am learning to accept a few
    And realized on a finer day
    That I respect others' views.

    -rgs
     
    7 people like this.
  4. insha

    insha Gold IL'ite

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    A thought provoking article!!
     
  5. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks Pallavi, Insha and RGS...

    RGS - that is such a beautiful poem I am going to save it on my phone and read it each time I have a trouble accepting something or someone that is different from me.
     
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  6. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Very glad and honoured I am, Arch1209. Thanks a lot. I just wrote it at the spur of the moment and its still a bit raw too :) -rgs
     
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  7. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    well, how it is possible that you marry a non-believer?!
     
  8. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    How do you define a non-believer? We believed in each other. Also the point I wanted to make is that in my opinion marriage is a personal decision, involving the two of us and our families.
     
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  9. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, good one:)
    Some people need the concrete nature of certain religious beliefs. Boundaries help them make decisions and feel secure. Others like fluidity and make their own path, however disorderly it may seem to an outsider.

    Distancing yourself from other people's insecurities and concrete thinking helps...as do growing old and constantly uprooting yourself:)
     
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  10. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    I guess for people believing in any Abrahamic religion, its pretty easy to know, who is a non believer? so you dont believe in salvation concept ? or your belief in the religion and the book is selective? You mentioned, you are "still catholic". so asking. I am going through agnostic phase,so these kind of posts interest me. idea is just to know about others' thoughts on religion and god
     

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