Life is a curse for me.

Hi
Dont say u r in pain. there is a solution for everyhting. i dont want to discuss the mistakes and cheating like that.

Be brave. your are here to live happily not to cry or feel.

 

Wow. No empathy from me lady. You knew exactly what you were doing.

I think you have 2 options

(1) Lead the double life as long as it goes/get caught
(2) Have an open heart discussion with your husband and be ready to face his decision, whatever that is.

Having a surgery to hide your past sexual life and anything happened before marriage is OK. May be there is some explanation( which is stupid IMO) but anyways....

But what you did for the photos is really very immature. What were you thinking? What if tomorrow he brings in 4 of his friends each with a copy of your past photos? Well nothing can be done now, he scored end of the day. Think and do the right thing from now on in your life if you can.

 

I am agreed with 12adityas. You should confess everything to your husband. But you should have done this in the begining when first time his cousion called you. Because to hide one lie you had done another blunder mistake. Anyhow it is not too late. How can you trust a man?So, please go ahead and tell clearly everything to your husband. Hope he will understand you and will forgive.

 

Dear InPain,

So far much has been discussed on ur problem (nice to see so many are there to help u out!) and most of them have suggested u to come out clean... Still u seem to be in pain!...

It makes me think as to why u shared ur problem here? Just to share ur problem with others so that it reduces ur burden or to get a solution or to get a solution close to ur heart!

Well, if it just for the sake of sharing to feel lighter and better.... u have done it! Bravo! (I could not do it when i was going thru my dark days!)... The responses show that u are not alone and have ample people by ur side to help u out.

Now, take a moment off... a deep breath and think what u are looking for next? Are u still looking for a solution, an advice? If u are really looking forward to 'solve' ur problem, u need to think what exactly u mean by solving ur problem? Is it saving the marriage or being true to ur near one (i donot knwo whether he is ur dear one also!). These two may not go hand-in-hand and it is highly likely that these will be mutually exclusive! All depends on ur husband!

If u want to save ur marriange, ask urself why u want to do that? For comfort and so called social security? (Possibly, u are not sure of urself after making the biggest mistake of giving urself to the jerk hypocrite cousin) U were working (do not know whether still u are now), so managing ur life by urself should not be a problem from financial point of view. And, believe me, u CAN NOT make a happy marriage if there is not a decent amount of transparency and trust among the spouse, which is lacking at the moment.

It is not possible to live for ever with the fear of getting exposed (not of ur first love, u didn't do anything wrong, but to choose a coward guy, which often happen with us) - exposed of ur mistake with the cousin.

So for living in peace, u need to do a few things.

1. Be firm and determined with urself (fear of uncertain future will not get u anything. Future is always uncertain, for all of us)
2. Get rid off the cousin. Go to any extent for that, even to police or black mail him
3. Be loyal to ur husband, by confessing ur mistakes

The next course of ur life will be decided by how u handle ur husband, ur fate, ur nature and to a great extent ur hubby.

Never expect to get peace by hiding mistakes with more and more mistakes

Good luck

 

Dear inPain,

I missed ur recent posts. Noce to see that u are getting psychological counseling and it is apparent that it helped u!

Good that u have regained strength... go ahead boldly to share with ur hubby! U have suffered enough (i believe those who can withstand only are subjected to sufferings !!), now we can call u inWayToHappiness!

God bless u

 

Ok, what I was saying is, whatever the photos are, you shouldn't have validated it by sleeping with him. Because now he has this new weapon which he can use to get what he wants, when he wants. Not just him, what if there are other photos he never shared with you, but can give to his best friend and have him threaten you as well, right?

Anyways, go to counseling and do whatever is right. Be bold, living a life even if it means a fresh start is much better than living such a low life. Good luck !

 

Dear Inpain
Many of them have given some excellent advices...and I would advice you to go ahead and continue with your counselling. Leave the past behind, the past will most likely come to haunt you but for now keep it aside and look at life from a new perspective.

I do think you should tell your husband about your earlier affair (before marriage).. With the cousin if he threatens again you can tell him "To go to hell". He cant go and tell your DH that you guys slept together since they are related (atleast I dont think that scum bag will do it) Max he can do is show the foto's since you are saying it is just showing you in swinsuit and you have already told your DH about your earlier affair I am sure your DH will understand.

I have been in a similar boat if not exactly the same.. and these are my thoughts.