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Life is a curse for me.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by inpain, May 7, 2010.

  1. inpain

    inpain New IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I do not from where to start this post.

    I am 31, married for the last 1 year and this was an arranged marriage. I stay in North India.

    I was born and brought up in India, completed my graduation in hotel management and went to europe to persue my post graduation 7 years ago. I was a bubbly young girl and fell in love with a classmate who was from a gulf country, he was a very rich guy and use to shower me with lots of expensive gifts.I was very much in love with him and so was he.

    We finished our course and started working in different companies, he was employed and posted in a Cruise liner and he persuaded me to join his company and i was more than willing to do it.

    We worked in the c.liner and got lots to chances to visit many countries,got lots of time to spend with each other and hence we started making love.I was initially averse to this idea, i do not know when this started and this went on for a year.

    He wanted that both of us should inform our families regarding our relationship, but i persuaded him to hold on till my elder sis was married.

    I came to India to attend my sis marriage on 2 month's leave and he left to his country.I went back only to find out that he has submitted his resignation in my absense and has left.

    I knew he had cheated me, tried calling him, but did not respond.I went to his country and met him.He told me that he is sorry and blamed his parents for his actions that they did not agree to our relationship. He also offered me money to remain silent.I was totally heart broken.

    I resigned from my company and came back to India and worked for some more time. I suffered from depression and was on leave for six months.I did not tell anybody about my past. I stopped working and joined an NGO and in one of the programme i met this Doctor who showed interest in me.He met my parents and we got marrried an year back. I underwent Hymenoplasty before my marriage to rule out any problems later.

    He is a surgeon and hence a consultant to many hospitals, extremely busy chap.7 months back i met his distant cousin who came from US and started showing special interest i me. One day he called me and told me that he wants to meet me for 10 mins, i went to a restaurent to meet him. He told me that he knows everything about my past and had few pics of mine wearing bikini and few snaps with my ex-boyfriend.

    I told him that i will complain the same to police to which he said that he is not blckmailing me, just wanted to inform me that he knows about me.This meeting haunted me for several days, did my life's biggest mistake by calling him and asking him the source of his information and i wanted him to return the pics. I wanted to save my marriage. Thats all.My Inlaws are very conservative.

    I met him and he told me that he will be leaving India after 4 days. He said that nobody will come to know about our meeting.i agreed and we had s-x.

    He told me that one of his friend, who was working with us in paris had informed him and the pics were taken in one of our tours.

    He came to India a month back and called me again, i reminded him that he had agreed not to call me.I had to oblige him again by sleeping with him.

    I dont know what to do now, i am trapped. Sometimes feel like killing myself.Dont know how to come out of this mess.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2010
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  2. 12adityas

    12adityas Bronze IL'ite

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    What do you want? Do you want to end this mess & live happily with your husband? if so, do below. If not, then you are on your own.

    There is only one solution: spill everything to your husband. Not in a 'oh, I am telling this to you for jusy FYI' hot headed egoistic manner. But in a 'want to come clean to you, tell you some mistakes I have hid from you' way and ASK him to help you & protect you. Get rid of your ego & pride (suck it up) and fall on your knees and hold his feet when you ask him (this part works wonders with men). Tell him that you are ashamed of your past, regretted & now heavily repent what you have done and want to end those mistakes by coming out clean to him and the only way you can put an end to that mistake is through his help.
     
  3. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]
    Hey aditya.... this girl didn't show any sign of pride or ego. In fact in the whole post we can find only...guilt fear pain .... So saying leave all your ego and pride might not be apt :) . Whatever is her past...she might have done some part knowingly...some unknowingly...She is already in pain...why to hurt her more by saying these[/JUSTIFY] <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden">
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2010
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Wow. Just.... wow.

    If I were you I would have told that cousin, "Yes I had a boyfriend but we were never intimate. It was a quick puppy love romance and is NONE of your business anyways." Then I would have gone home and told your husband the truth about your past (but not in so much detail) and told him the cousin is trying to blackmail you.

    I can't believe you had sex with the cousin!! Where is your sense of right vs wrong? I understand you were in a desperate situation, but having sex with an outsider while married can only make the situation much worse!

    I agree with 12adityas about confessing to your husband about the problem. This problem has reached dangerous proportions now and will keep on haunting you forever unless you come clean with your husband. There's really no telling how your husband might react. But at least you won't have this secret hanging on your head any longer.

    p.s. Don't beat yourself up over the cruise ship romance. You genuinely loved that guy and he took advantage. Many of us fall in love, many of us have sex with the ones we fall in love with, but not all of us get married to that first love. I don't think you did anything wrong by being in love with the first guy. Anywhere else in the world, having past relationships like that is normal and accepted.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2010
  5. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    aditya she is been cheated by a man before
    and now she is loyal to her husband and in trouble
    i dont undertsand when you say she has to fall on legs beg plead leave ego and all
     
  6. inpain

    inpain New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your comments.
    I never had any ego in my life time.I fail to understand how did you conclude this.
     
  7. inpain

    inpain New IL'ite

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    Thanks for understanding.
     
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    InPain,

    How do you think your husband would react if you told him? I know at first I told you to tell him about your past and the blackmailing cousin... but do you think your dh or his parents would physically hurt you over it? I know sometimes these revelations can bring out extreme anger, and I wouldn't want to suggest something that could get you in even worse trouble. So you need to think what type of nature your husband has before you tell. But on the other hand, if you don't tell, you will always have to worry about the cousin gossiping about your past relationship, or even the forced one he had with you.

    Jeez, this situation is so complex!
     
  9. inpain

    inpain New IL'ite

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    His knowledge about my past affair was quite commendable.
    He even knew when i moved in to my boyfriend's apartment and all that...
    I know i did a blunder, but i was desperate to clean this mess. We were planning to start a family.
     
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Why is this cousin so interested in your life anyways? Ugh!! Why can't people mind their own business? The cousin is like a predator. Please stay away from him at all costs. He must have a very pathetic life to have the time to go around gathering information about who moved in with who.

    Anyways, I can't say any more until I know more about your husband and how he might react. Hopefully some other ladies can pull some great suggestions out of their hat. Hang in there!!!
     

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