1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Life in a Metro

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Feb 18, 2010.

Page 3 of 4
  1. Feb 20, 2010 #21
    saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    428
    Likes Received:
    53
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    [justify]This is what I feel....

    Corporate life opened up the door to women. Women have lot of opportunities in IT sector. Few mis-utilize the opportunity and lead a wrong life for the sake of money and the recognition they get. For this, corporate life cannot be blamed. Corporate life is bringing many positive changes too...    .

    hmm....you mean number of EMA's were almost same and corporate life gave women/men the chance to be more free and come out with them ...?? (Sorry if I mis-understood...) ..no offense/judging though... just wanted to understand your post bit more [​IMG].

    I sometimes feel..though corporate life gave us positives... but internet...mobile...pc games... etc occupied most marital lives of people...Husband after comes home sits on with his "first wife" (laptop)...so the second wife(the actual wife) feels bored ....feels he is not spending time with me etc etc...but in good old olden days people didn't have this tech gadgets and used to give some amount of time to family lives too.... I remember my dad coming home from office and sit with mom for a tea and speak might be 1 hr at least and whole family sits for dinner together.... (no TV during that time...it was rule in our home....dinner is meant for family time..laugh...jokes and talk )......not only my home many families are such ... But now-a-days it is not the trend....

    Might be in some more years/generations the word "ma ke haath ka khana" might vanish too...I don't say husband should not cook.... but a woman's emotions love are included in the food she makes that makes it taaaaaasty..and I somehow feel its a boon for women ....man does not have that property I guess :)

    Mobile....husband/wife gets call in mobile from office during family outing or so.. and they concentrate on office work and fun of outing is lost.....

    Might be all these are leading to loveless family lives and leading to EMA's??

    I don't say we should be away from these gadgets....and EMA's never existed in the past generations.....but aren't these negatives of the lifestyle we are leading now ??...just my opinion though... [​IMG] ...would love to hear other opinions too...[/justify]
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2010
    saipavani123, Feb 20, 2010
    saipavani123, Feb 20, 2010
    #21
  2. Feb 20, 2010 #22
    mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,663
    Likes Received:
    48
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't know about the figure - No of EMA's.

    What I meant was women have the freedom now in the corporate world and few mis-utilize it. :bonk

    I completely agree with you that corporate world made life move very fast. People don't get time for anything... I personally hate being part of it. I worked in IT industry and resigned my job few months back. Enough...I don't want money to eat away all my time! I am happy now :biglaugh and I don't regret for what I did.
     
    mithy232, Feb 20, 2010
    mithy232, Feb 20, 2010
    #22
  3. Feb 20, 2010 #23
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    692
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Nice to see a very constructive discussion here. Thanks girls for chimming in.

    Not only in IT field, EMAs are everywhere.

    Let me share this story of my friend...

    She is 35 now, and had a love marriage 10 years back. She also blessed with two beautiful babies who are currently with their dady.

    Her initial stage of marital life was spoiled by her MIL, as her DH is alleged to be a momma's boy. After spending 4 years in that house by bearing all the taunts of her MIL, she has slowly detached her emotions from her husband.

    Her MIL passed away then, but nothing could bring back the love between the couple, as they had no emotional connections by then.
    Meanwhile, this lady has met a gentleman at her office whose marital life was also in trouble due to incompatibility issues.

    Gradually these two started an emotional affair, that has blossomed as a real (including physical) EMA in the comming years.

    She was pretty sure that she can easily get divorce from her husband, and also had plans of bringing a baby in the new relationship once everything is sorted out legally. She also believed her new partner would divorce his wife and everything will fall in peace.
    Therefore, this woman has started telling bad stuff about her husband at her FOO. Moreover she has started fighting with her DH for nothing, but to make him initiate the divorce.

    During all these mess, her new partner's wife has attempted to commit to suicide recently. This has shaken up the man, and made him think about the life of his wife and little daughter. He has confessed to his wife, and finally that poor wife has accepted him whole heartedly.

    But my friend, who has developed a dream life together with this new man, based on his promissed is now in depression.

    Her poor husband hasn't talked about divorce yet, but he will never love her once again after all these recent fights and insults.
    Her family is also angry on her, as they have smelled about her intentions behind her recent bad talks about her husband.

    She constantly calls her new partner... Crying loudly, and forcing him to talk to her in mid nights and early in the mornings by saying that she is depressed because of him. She also advises him that his wife is playing a drama, thus he shouldn't believe her.

    The man is now inbetween these two women. He actually commit a huge mistake, but now wants to get over it. But this woman constantly giving him tortures about her life?? And also acts like a teenager by saying 100s of "I love you"s daily.... Unfortunately, I happened to share my house with this woman, and feel so bad about this EMAs, and hence I posted this thread.

    As you said, my parents too shared a very good relationship/communication despite of my dad's busy schedules. TV or any IT equipments didn't affect our personal relationship at all, as we eat together, sit together and discuss all the family matters with everyone (we 5 of us at my FOO).

    But my in lows are quite different characters. During those days, there were no IT influence in life, but still my FIL never shared/discussed anything with his wife or kids. He used to visit his friends after office hrs and come home very late.

    His sons are very scared of him even during their late teens. He used to make the decision on behalf of everyone at home, so no communications.

    My MIL used to say openly that if she had a supporting family, she would have divorced her husband long back, but unfortunately her parents are no more and she is just a home maker.

    So, i feel like this education, financial independance and few other supports (like friends, colleagues) make the woman to get out of their loveless marriage. At the same time, the corporative culture give them an opportunity to fall in love again with another partner.
     
    Tugga, Feb 20, 2010
    Tugga, Feb 20, 2010
    #23
  4. Feb 20, 2010 #24
    ushae

    ushae Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    113
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    When Premartial sex is an acceptable thing among some as we see in this forum, post martial sex will also be gradually accepted.

    BTW, arranged marriage concept was not invented by India. This was in practice even in Europe's big cities some 50 Years ago also. This is still in practice in rural eastern europe.

    What we see in India was in Europe some 2 generations back. We exactly follow western albeit with time lag
     
    ushae, Feb 20, 2010
    ushae, Feb 20, 2010
    #24
  5. Feb 21, 2010 #25
    vidhkarthik

    vidhkarthik Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    425
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Ushae, While I applaud your efforts to prove to all of us that we are sinners to think that premarital sex is OK...Its absurb to think that premarital sex and post marital affairs will be viewed in the same angle.

    Post marital affairs are never ok because you are in a already committed relationship..Why marital? Once you are committed to any person even without marriage, having an affair out of that relationship is wrong.
     
    vidhkarthik, Feb 21, 2010
    vidhkarthik, Feb 21, 2010
    #25
  6. Feb 21, 2010 #26
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    692
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    I second Vidkarthik here.

    According to me, premarital sex is not wrong as long as you have intimacy with someone whom you think will be your future spouse. It is something called love in a committed relationship.

    At the same time, if you are engaging with any sexual activities with a stranger or with a pros*** before your marriage, then it is very different from the above case.

    I am not here to say which is right and which is wrong, but for me the formar is acceptable and the latter is rediculous.

    Comming to EMAs, it is not at all acceptable since you are commited to a person and in a relationship now. You can not have an EXTRA relationship out of your wedlock.
    It is all ok if you legally separate from your current marriage and look for emotional, physical or whatever the support from outside, but having two relatioship is really BS***
     
    Tugga, Feb 21, 2010
    Tugga, Feb 21, 2010
    #26
  7. Feb 24, 2010 #27
    Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    805
    Likes Received:
    352
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't agree with Saipavani that EMA has increased because of Corporate world or IT influence.

    All my aunts ( I have 2) and my mother worked.they had the same financial and social freedoms because of nuclear family. I never saw them take advantage of it.I have been in IT for past 10 years or so and my sis for past 15 yrs. never saw much EMAs..

    I have seen EMAs in all professions including doctors,accountants,sales and everything else.

    My thought is that you cannot do anything (like not work or leave IT) to avoid this.Even uneducated village people and non working housewifes have EMA...we cannot stereotype.

    I also agree with vidhkarthik's view..

    Just my 2 cents.
     
    Foundlove, Feb 24, 2010
    Foundlove, Feb 24, 2010
    #27
  8. Feb 24, 2010 #28
    Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,431
    Likes Received:
    2,180
    Trophy Points:
    340
    Gender:
    Female
    Accepted by who? You, me or the society? So what some people and other don't. Not everyone has to be in Sync with everything in this world.

    It is upto the individual to make the choice and live with it. Be it before a committed relationship or after.

    End of the day, betrayal/cheating can happen in any relationship. Who gets affected and whats the magnitude of it is what matters. In a premarital sex, it will be mostly the partners who will be affected when one walks away. But in an affair in a committed relationship, there may be children involved, more than one family is affected.

    Well I agree.. its just trust. YOU THINK you both will spend the rest of your lifetime together, no guarantee that its going to happen ;)
     
    Nandshyam, Feb 24, 2010
    Nandshyam, Feb 24, 2010
    #28
  9. Mar 3, 2010 #29
    GiJoe

    GiJoe Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Male
    Shilpa Shetty had a cute white handbag in that movie.
     
    GiJoe, Mar 3, 2010
    GiJoe, Mar 3, 2010
    #29
  10. Apr 1, 2010 #30
    Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,555
    Likes Received:
    102
    Trophy Points:
    130
    Gender:
    Male
    ^ :8)


    Coming to the original discussion:
    I happened to look for this thread since Tugga had mentioned this in another thread. I dont agree that "IT"/"Corporate" is the reason behind EMA. I think they were under the carpet earlier, and now it is coming out into the open.

    EMAs are always devastating to families in earlier generation or currently.
     
    Spiderman1, Apr 1, 2010
    Spiderman1, Apr 1, 2010
    #30
Page 3 of 4

Share This Page