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Life in a Metro

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Feb 18, 2010.

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  1. Feb 18, 2010 #11
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Exactly...

    When dating life seems so beautiful... And also people are so blinded with love words and talks when they are in love. Be it a real love or EMA. But when it comes to reality, many of the EMAs are not in a position to marry.

    Either they have no plans to leave the society or no urge to marry the person with whom they are having this affair currently. For them it is just a way of releasing their emotions.

    As someone mentioned, they will have to pay a big price in their personal life if they chose to be in EMAs.

    I always suggest couples to get divorced if they see there is no possible ways of fixing their marriage. It is far better than having and EMA while staying in a loveless marriage.

    Also, I have asked my friends those in EMA to find a partner who is not committed with anyone else. Either he/she could be a single or a separated/divorcee. It does make sense and you are not hurting anyone by doing so.

    But unfortunately, many people have EMAs with someone's partner. That's the bitter truth.
     
    Tugga, Feb 18, 2010
    Tugga, Feb 18, 2010
    #11
  2. Feb 18, 2010 #12
    Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    A very good thread.I have pondered about this a lot. I live in US and have lived in small towns as well as metros in India.

    This is what I have noticed.It takes a very different mindset to have a EMA.

    I say this because I was in a very bad marriage but never thought about EMA. After I separated and lived alone for a while did I start openly thinking and did find someone.I have friends( very close ones) who are in some bad situations but their solution is to have an EMA. No matter of convincing helps.They want to have their cake and eat it too.

    Also I have seen in small towns and joint families there is EMA within families or close friends and its kept secret under the guise of devar-bhabhi relationship.

    There are some people no matter where they stay or what they do will have EMA if given a chance and if they know they can get away with it.
     
    Foundlove, Feb 18, 2010
    Foundlove, Feb 18, 2010
    #12
  3. Feb 18, 2010 #13
    saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [justify]Also in my opinion its not about being Indians or from Indian culture. EMA is cheating .....be it any culture. After all Indians are also humans like Americans or any country citizens. Arranged marriages can't be blamed for EMA's. its just an excuse. Most of the arranged marriages happen with consent of groom and bride. they are not necessarily forced marriages.

    Arranged marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    I took it from Wikipedia. it says the concept of arranged marriages is practiced not only in India but also many parts of the world. I think Indians did not invent it. (Please correct me if I am wrong) Marriage is marriage whether love or arranged. both of them face similar issues after certain years. In my relatives/friends I've seen arranged marriages leading to divorce conditions and also love marriages ready to break up....
    [/justify]
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2010
    saipavani123, Feb 18, 2010
    saipavani123, Feb 18, 2010
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  4. Feb 19, 2010 #14
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Foundlove (nice name),

    Nice to hear your story...
    This is exactly the case!

    Hi Sri,
    Please don't feel bad... we didn't say arranged marriages are the sole reason for EMAs, nor Indians only have that concept. Arranged marriage is everywhere, but mainly in the Indian subcontinent.

    Though the bride and groom are allowed to say their opinions before marriage, I feel in most of the arranged marriages, the couples are compelled to love each other.

    Its like a long distance flight journey. We know someone will be siting in our next seat, but we have no control over the person. We somehow make up our mind to accept the person and sit with him/her during the journey. If we are lucky, the fellow traveller could be an interesting person, and we can immediately start a friendship with him/her, so the travel will be very interesting. But if we are not lucky, the fellow traveller could be a very nasty, dirty, boring fellow, or kind of irritation type.. Then either we should find a vacant seat or report to the crew or manage to travel with this nasty fellow until the last destination.
    This journey cannot be equated with our journey with our loved ones.
     
    Tugga, Feb 19, 2010
    Tugga, Feb 19, 2010
    #14
  5. Feb 19, 2010 #15
    saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry Tugga ...my mistake i forgot to quote :bonk. Dear Mithy...this is not to oppose you...but just my opinion....[​IMG]
    '
    Arranged marriages might wok or might not work same as love marriages. Have you seen the movie "just married"( fardeen khan and hemamalini's daugther ( i forgot her name :( ) starrer ?? Its sooo lovely...it showed the concept of "great Indian arranged marriages"......
    Some arranged marriages do work like that.

    In socities such as US,UK...etc where arranged marriages does not exist or exists in minimal amounts.....do they don't have EMA's ?? they are more or equal number of EMA's . EMA's totally depend on mind of individuals not on society and its culture.... Its people's mind that diverts them to find second love .....
     
    saipavani123, Feb 19, 2010
    saipavani123, Feb 19, 2010
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  6. Feb 19, 2010 #16
    mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Sai,

    Thanks for your information on Arranged marriages. I am not saying Arranged marriages alone leads to EMA. But definitely it leads to unhappy marriage life and that in turn leads to EMA compared to love marriages. Arranged or love marriage, I think you need at least a year to understand a person. Unfortunately arranged marriages doesn't offer you time to interpret a person. Anyways that is not the discussion here. No offense!! :)

    Sorry Tugga for diverting this thread. :bonk
     
    mithy232, Feb 19, 2010
    mithy232, Feb 19, 2010
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  7. Feb 19, 2010 #17
    saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    No problem Mithy...as I said just my point of view :) .... [​IMG] .... Btw you all can call me Pavani...Sai is just part of my name.... yeah and about arranged marriages..me too sorry for diverting the topic Tugga
     
    saipavani123, Feb 19, 2010
    saipavani123, Feb 19, 2010
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  8. Feb 20, 2010 #18
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Its OK girls...

    You both are right:)

    Every marriage has its own problem.... Because no one is Mr or Mrs Perfect in this world.

    I believe, if there is real love in that marriage, these little problems can be solved with time. But if there is no love, and the couple just live for the sake of their family or society, then EMAs naturally happen. As we humans are emotional beings.

    I have come across to meet many EMAs among my friends both in India and abroad due to the fact that they lack love and affection in their marriage.

    But many of the EMAs just give temporary happiness only... Just like dating/courtship, many couple do not show their actual character while having EMAs. They always tend to show the positive sides with the opposite sex, and hence the initial stage of this relationship would be much happier.
    As time pasess, the couples unfortunately start opening their eyes and sees the negatives of their new partners (EMAs), but it is always too late to repair the damage of their personal life.
     
    Tugga, Feb 20, 2010
    Tugga, Feb 20, 2010
    #18
  9. Feb 20, 2010 #19
    saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [justify]
    You are right Tugga.. [​IMG] ...be it any marriage... anywhere...any country if the bond LOVE is missing it does sometimes leads to EMA... But its temporary happiness( excitement...kick) ....but not at all a solution..unfortunately it does destroy personal life of the people involved.

    but just a doubt....

    Did EMA's increase in recent generation compared to generation of our grand parents or parents generation ?? If they are same amount then it cannot be attributed to busy lives this generation is living now.....if at all it has increased ..can we blame it on the "corporate life" we are leading now ??? Any opnion ladies ??[/justify]
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2010
    saipavani123, Feb 20, 2010
    saipavani123, Feb 20, 2010
    #19
  10. Feb 20, 2010 #20
    mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    This is what I feel....

    Corporate life opened up the door to women. Women have lot of opportunities in IT sector. Few mis-utilize the opportunity and lead a wrong life for the sake of money and the recognition they get. For this, corporate life cannot be blamed. Corporate life is bringing many positive changes too....
     
    mithy232, Feb 20, 2010
    mithy232, Feb 20, 2010
    #20
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