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Life in a Metro

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Feb 18, 2010.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    Last night I happened to watch this Indian Movie called Life in a Metro, staring by Shilpa Shetty, Kay Kay Menon and a few others.
    It is a very practical movie, and that talks about all the real life stories of a metro life in India.

    The theme of this movie is EXTRA MARITAL AFFAIRS.

    I believe that a marriage is a way of sharing life with someone forever, but when the basics purposes of marriage is violated, it leads to extra marital affairs. When both or any of the spouses are not able to get basic needs satiated they look forward to other person to pacify their unfulfilled desire.

    The hardest truth is India is not an exception to it.

    In urban areas extra marital affairs are more prominent as compare to rural areas as in villages people are more contented with what they have, unlike in urban areas. Nevertheless, in India these affairs are commonly under the cover unlike in western countries as in India there is low tolerance level towards the extra marital affairs and considered as anti social.

    After watching this movie, last night I had an open discussion with my house mets about this subject. Many of them are married women, but not happy about their marriage life.

    They say, extra relations are taking places due to the following reasons:-
    - Lack of time spending with each other because of busy schedules of their work
    - The Sex Problems or not getting satisfied with the spouse.
    - Lack of emotional closeness
    - Lack of interest in each other
    - Lack of communication, passion has died down, or it has never existed, - - Lack of commitment to each other
    - Lack of understanding, over possessiveness,
    - Loneliness and boredom

    What do you think? We Indians cannot simply hide the fact that we do not have EMA in our culture, which is not true.

    Nevertheless, the raising number of EMA is not a good sign for our future... Ladies, please feel free to share your opinion about this topic?
     
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  2. radhaparth2000

    radhaparth2000 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Tugga,

    Its a fact that all should accept that EMA exists in India also. This is mainly due to sudden growth of too many MNC's and this is all taken very common in corporate culture. I have seen cases of EMA, but unfortunately those involved in that had to pay a heavy price in their personal life.
     
  3. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Tugga,

    Life in a Metro is a good film exposing the real facts about Indian culture system. We Indians are also human beings and we do feel like everyone in the world. I won't say EMA doesn't exist at all in the past, it was there but now it is much exposed. Again I won't agree that Urban & rural comparison. It exist in all parts of India. In fact, people in metro have the guts to come out of an unhappy marriage and take up another life where it is not called as EMA. Whereas in villages, they have lot of customs and one cannot break marriage easily; so people prefer EMA.

    Our culture system has to be changed in few ways to control EMA.

    One, 'Arranged marriages'. I guess we Indians invented the arranged marriage concept. Two unknown people are forced to live together. This leads to unhappy marriage life which in turn encourages EMA. :bonk Instead, I don't defend Love marriages.Marriage has lot of problems to be faced. It has to be worked out!

    Second, 'Living for the society' We take decisions based on what others think. :hide:

    Above all, it is one's personal choice.
     
  4. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Radha for your first feedback.

    Unfortunately I too have seen many EMAs in my life. Very closely as some of them used to be my friends. Contrastingly, they say they had lost EVERYTHING in their personal life, hence they are seeking some sort of mental peace from this EMA. Not sure how long this mental peace can last:hide:
     
  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Tugga, its seen less in indian society because many DILs still stay with their InLaws who have a strong control over what a DIL can think & how they can keep a watch & control over her. Also MILs typically keep these DILs over occupied so that they have minimal time to just barely eat and sleep and not even look into mirror... then when to eye/ entertain another guy :bonk.

    Even tho a lady has lost everything in her marital life, the great indian parents & greatest indian inlaws make lifetime attempts to keep the marriage cart (without wheels) running till your hairs turn grey or they leave this planet :bowdown.

    Yes all Madhur Bhandarkar & Anurag Mathur movies are very close to real life.. to add a few are corporate & fashion....
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2010
  6. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Mithy,

    Nice points.
    Just because you have different ideas about arranged marriages doesn't mean you defend for love marriage. I too have the same opinion like you.

    The concept arranged marriage might work in the rural areas, where women have very limited expectations, and there is a very strong family support system excist in the villages.
    Women are just home makers... They have plenty of time in hand to cook and please their hubbies. Simultaneousely the men too have no options like in metro cities. They hardly get time and persons to have EMAs with the closest setting of their life. Besides, villegers used to be more contented with what they have.

    For instance, we can't simply pass a day without a computer, internet or a mobile phone. When I go to refugee's camps in Sudan, sometimes I used to feel dead because there won't be any internet or mobile connections in those places. I just could not tolerate a few days without these facilities. But the refugees, or villagers in India (though they are very rich) can pass their times without these IT stuff. They have their own coping mechanism which we lack in the metros. They managed to be happy with what they have!!!!

    Here, we expect our spouses to be more affectionate, more expressive and more loving/understanding and friendly. If not, we have options as we meet some nice guys out here in our work place or somewhere. Similarly our DHs too have their own expectations, disapointments and then alternatives.

    If you ask a village women about her expectation about marriage... She would say, I am happy as long as my DH is alive or something similar to that.

    But last but not the least... I don't buy the personal choice thing from your post. Your personal choice should not affect anyone.. Specially think about the children or affected spouces of those persons who has EMAs?????
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2010
  7. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Tugga,

    I had the same opinion like you about village women since I was born and brought up in Chennai. But this is not true. Now I am in a different city and had the chance of interacting with village women here. They do have lot of expectations. They have a different equation about love....love is equated to money. Husbands satisfy their wives by buying this and that. They don't go out, spend time, talk to each other or share things. They don't know what is love but they have few rules to be followed as a husband/wife.

    In metro, women have lot of chances to do mistakes compared to women in rural places. I have seen women with lot of troubles in metro places leading a disciplined life and also women in rural places having EMA's. I am talking about the chances, who does what is of personal choice. I agree with you EMA affects family very very badly.
     
  8. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    I agree with you 200%

    Yes, there are plenty of discipline women in metros... Why to find examples from outside.. I consider my self as a very disciplined girl in this aspect of my life. At the same time, I have seen so many EMAs in the village too. So, it is not about this and that.

    Generally speaking, the village women have limited expectations or they have different equation about marriage and love. As you said, like in movies, you can make village women happy and content with a new saree, a jewelary and some flowers. Similarly a wife can make a village husband satisfied by fullfiling all his needs happily.

    But in metros, the term love leads to more expectations. I just want my husband to call me daily, text me frequently and be friendly with me always. I just don't expect a saree or flowers from him, and that alone doesn't make me happy if he doesn't show his affections otherwise.
    Not sure whether I am right or wrong, but this is how most of my friends too feel... and expect... and literaly most of us feel low due to disapointments.
     
  9. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    I agree with you 200%

    Yes, there are plenty of discipline women in metros... Why to find examples from outside.. I consider my self as a very disciplined girl in this aspect of my life. At the same time, I have seen so many EMAs in the village too. So, it is not about this and that.

    Generally speaking, the village women have limited expectations or they have different equation about marriage and love. As you said, like in movies, you can make village women happy and content with a new saree, a jewelary and some flowers. Similarly a wife can make a village husband satisfied by fullfiling all his needs happily.

    But in metros, the term love leads more expectations. I just want my husband to call me daily, text me frequently and be friendly with me always. I just don't expect a saree or flowers from him, and that alone doesn't make me happy if he doesn't show his affections otherwise.
    Not sure whether I am right or wrong, but this is how most of my friends too feel... and expect... and literaly most of us feel low due to disapointments.
     
  10. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]yeah all of you are right... :) .... in today's world women do have loooots of expectations... just a doubt... suppose there is a couple who are not satisfied with their current married life and are into EMA.. they break up,take divorce and marry their current love(EMA one) ...but doesn't this marriage again turn monotonous after certain period of time..?? because as long as people are in just in courtship (whether its EMA or not) they don't realise responsibilities......they date...eat out ...watch movie go to their respective homes...but marriage comes with responsibilities.....and its a fact...are people now-a-days bored of responsibilities ??[/JUSTIFY]
     

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