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Life after loosing your partner

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Induslady, May 6, 2007.

  1. paruviji

    paruviji New IL'ite

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    hi friends
    Its great to have such a great friends to share our sorrows pls be in touch with me as me too sailing in the same boat and give me your moral support sandhya now a days your are coming for post why?
     
  2. lifeChallenge

    lifeChallenge New IL'ite

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    Hi Paru,
    I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I can feel the pain that you are going thru. I too lost my beloved in an accident 6 months ago and have two kids who are 9 and 3. For the first two or three months I could not believe that my hubby will never come back. It felt like a bad dream and that I would wake up and everything will be back to normal.

    Life seems very unfair but we have to take it up as a challenge and fight it. My kids are the only motivation for me to live on. I want to give them the best of what I can. Now we have dual responsibility - to be both mom and dad for our kids.
     
  3. paruviji

    paruviji New IL'ite

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    Hi lifechallenge

    Thanks for sharing your feelings.As you are in states why don't you think of a second life. :thumbsupMy kids now becoming normal and not asking about his dad its only 2 months completed. What about your kids are you with your parents? i am with my in-laws.
     
  4. lifeChallenge

    lifeChallenge New IL'ite

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    Hi Paru,
    Yes my parents are with me and helping with the kids and giving me moral support. My older one is very mature and would never show out his feelings. My younger son cries at night asking for his dad. Whenever he sees me crying, he would give me a hug and tell that he too misses daddy very much.

    I am contemplating about moving to India as I will have support from my family. My siblings are in India. Please let me know how life is for a widow. It has been more than 12 years since I lived in India and have been to Chennai only on vacations. Has the soceity changed to respect single women who are handling everything by themselves or are they still treated as untouchables ? I know I shouldn't be concerned about the soceity. But when I am taking my decision to move back to India, I want to think about all the situations. Here people are very compassionate about my situation and help me as much as they can.

    As far as second marriage goes, I haven't even healed yet to think about it.

    Take care,
    LC.
     
  5. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    I'd say single parents living outside India to continue to live there. Indian society is not good for single parents.

    Life after a divorce or after a death of the partner definitely leaves a dent in us. The only question is how do you cope up loneliness. Loneliness is bitter than the arctic winter and only time has to provide the necessary warmth.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2010
  6. paanzaa

    paanzaa Gold IL'ite

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    I have great belief in woman power. If she in her wits, all the problems seem to flyby.So many real life examples.
     
  7. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry about your loss dear.

    I agree with Can wait. Think hard before relocating to India.

    Or if it is possible, take a long vacation may be 6 months and try to see how life is before you actually quit your job / relocate.
     
  8. paruviji

    paruviji New IL'ite

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    HI dear

    As above mentioned take a long leave and try the situation here if you are confortable means stay hear. My neigbours here seeing me with sympathy.I don't know weather they use bad words in my back. I went to office in one month after his death i feel guilt on that time will they think wrong of me. I went to get diversion And about second life if you stay here i don't know if it possible to you here.And if your in-laws family is traditional means you have to think of staying here.My mom is very traditional when she came from temple she gaves me only thiruneer not the kumkum, on that moment that hurt me a lot i dont knos how i am going to join in marriages and other functions here. And my grandparents who are still alive not offering me flowers. To be with parents may be easier.But my hus earned property and his job will give some money so i am in a condition to be here ofcouse they take care of me but being with in-laws without him is something horrible.Each moment i think of the moments we spent in this house.
     
  9. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello everyone,

    sorry to hear your lose. My dad died 57 years back. We are from a conservative family. My mom was 30+ . My family told her not to take of the nose ring etc. She had a small red dot on her forehead. Our culture makes women suffer more. Why shouldn't we wear flowers etc. I talk to people and make sure that they treat women properly. I also give chinthoor, coconut etc to all the women. This should start happening form our own home.

    now a days, even in Chennai I have seen my aunts who are well educated have started wearing pottu etc.

    This is your life. Please live as you want. Don't let others spoil it for you.
     
  10. sankarimaheswar

    sankarimaheswar Senior IL'ite

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    It is very unfortunate to be a widow in young age and a widower in old age.
    1. If the women gets education and employement 90% of the problem will be solved.
    2.if the girls is too young, it is better to get remarried after one year.
    Nowadays even in india remarriages are accepted in relations and social circles.
    3. Dont be discouraged if you do not get any support in this regard from your parents and relatives(especially in laws) .

    4. Nowadays many widows are wearing all the ornaments except mangal sutra and flower.if you do not remarry , you may think that mangal sutra and flower .society has started to accept this chage.
    Even when saradha devi tried to takeuot the bangles after the death of ramakrishna paramahamsa asper the bengali cutoms, it is said that ramakrishna himself told her not to remove the same because he was always with her.

    Be bold and get remarried if young or divert the attention in hobbies, social service, spirituality, tourism etc.
    Things are changing fast nowadays.

    Good luck
    sankarimaheswar (venkataramani)
     

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