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Life after divorce

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by cuppcake, May 28, 2012.

  1. cuppcake

    cuppcake Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you Wondergirl..I have read and commented on your post, and I feel that you have already passed the most difficult phase. Life's wonderful and time does heal..right now it may be hard to believe that you can be as happy as before you were married, infact you'd be more. Be done with the divorce procedure as quickly as possible, don't let your case drag for maintainence/alimony unless you're in dire need of money. Your freedom and new life is your biggest alimony. Be totally blind to the negatives which have resulted from this change, there are many, but just pretend they don't exist. Bad memories and doubts will come and go, let them come and float away like clouds. Cry a little, vent a little and go back to what you love doing.

    Now you will have a lot of clarity, confidence and independence. The world will have lesser expectations from you and you truly have nothing to lose now. Life's like a blank canvas again, and now you're free from societal bonds- as in from the relatives/friends side ( atleast thats what i felt)..I never thought getting divorced would also be liberating in so many ways, people usually won't wanna mix up in your affairs now- which is good. You are free, chirpy bird- the sky is yours to fly..fly away!

    I hope you have a great, fulfilling life ahead, and don't ever give up on love.
     
    6 people like this.
  2. Uttaraa

    Uttaraa Platinum IL'ite

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    Your post (as a whole) is outstanding by all standards of hardship, determination, optimism which is tremendously inspirational! But that one line outshone in particular. When most (yes - I top in that category) struggle to balance life with our mundane chores you held your head firm and accomplished the near 'impossible' - studying, going through a divorce and securing a future which you have always dreamt of!

    I've goosebumps reading these tales of bravery, fortitude in adversity where the 'real' ferocious strength of a woman smolders from ashes of vulnerability that she chooses to cremate and rise from.

    Awe at the emergence of this 'new' you who is happier, content, successful and above all a reigning lioness with a roar that frights anyone to accept/respect/admire the only way you deserve - high regard.

    Good luck and may you have the best and only the best here forth in life.
     
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  3. cuppcake

    cuppcake Gold IL'ite

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    Uttara..coming from you this encouragement and appreciation holds a special place in my heart..thank you so much..:)
     
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  4. Wondergirl137

    Wondergirl137 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you so much Cuppcake for your encouraging words. I really loved your alimony point of view....I am feeling confused about it. Thankfully I have strong academic background and was doing excellent in my career (am looking for work these day.....resigned from my job to join him at his place post wedding) and don't need his money (dirty money)...don't believe something good will happen to me from such money.The only thing that bugs me at-times is that such people get away so easily and move on from all this.....to spoil another life again...n then maybe one more life and they never realize it. My husband had 3 broken engagements (2 times love and one arranged) before I became the final bakra...but seems like he or his family did not learn anything from it. I got to know about all these recently only.
    Look forward to more pearls of wisdom from you dear.
    Thanks and best wishes to you too :)
    Love
    Wisdomgirl
     
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  5. hgulla

    hgulla Silver IL'ite

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    Inspiring cuppcake. I wish you all the best for a peaceful, happy and successful life ahead.
     
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  6. prettydevil

    prettydevil Platinum IL'ite

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    CC dear.... just read this post of yours. Dear... I won't say hugs to you... but really want to say "HATS OFF" to you.... You are such a brave girl. I don't have any words to describe your strength, your determination, your efforts to live a successful life despite of all the chaos. You are truly an inspiration to everyone.

    May God give you the best and lay a bed of beautiful red roses without 'any' thorns in your life ahead.

    God Bless you.
     
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  7. Uttaraa

    Uttaraa Platinum IL'ite

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    Cupcake,

    Don't put me on any pedestal than the lofty niche you carved for yourself!

    Threads like this jolt me from my slumber of 'will do it tomorrow', 'will enrol next week', 'will plan next year' inertia that a weekend like this injects in me.

    You are bound to have a fabulous life ahead - trust me! And when you look back, you'll be amazed at how fascinatingly enriching this journey has been. You will experience sooooonn..the couch thumping moments that Oprah's guests exhibit - 'I luuuurve my life!' :biggrin2:

    Responding to your other thread here - you will meet someone! surely you will meet someone ..that is how it works..it always comes a full circle. (everything you work against , something works towards it) :)

    It is that one 'small' step that brings a 'huge' difference in life! Good luck ..


     
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  8. sunshine2

    sunshine2 New IL'ite

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    Dear Cuppcake,


    Congratulations for all your efforts.You deserved it. May God bless you.
    I am also going through a separation process right now and it took me 3 long years to come to a decision.

    My story is similar to you in many ways. The only difference is that you got divorced earlier which I now feel I should have done long before.

    Mine was an arranged marriage. We were staying in the same city.before marriage we went out together a couple of times which was fixed in 4 months. At that time I was working in private sector and so was he. We both had discussed about each others family, education, career. Everything seemed fine to me. Then we got married. As days went by I used to feel that there is no respect for me in his mind nor is any love . Once I found about this special friend (and still has ) whom he used to call every day from his office. Many days I found him talking to her on the phone at home after I got back from office. Whenever I asked him he never bothered to reply or got angry. I really felt bad because I expected him to be honest on this matter. I think he had this habit before marriage also but hedid never let me know. We had lot of fights on this . 3 months after our marriage he brought his mother from hometown to stay with us. Thats when our relation worsened. My MIL had numerous complaints on why I came late from office ?, I am not good in house hold work and bla bla.I tried my best to do whatever I could to please her but alas she never spoke to me properly even and things worsened . And my husband also supported her surprisingly .I felt as if he hated me to the core. I really could not understand what was going on and was isolated at home. This affected my office work as well. As I never reacted to what they said they got even more angry and started abusing my parents also. They used to taunt that they have not received "änything" in the marriage allthough my father had clearly discussed this before marriage and they said that they did not want anything. Then One day I found out that my husband had lied to me about his educational qualification/degrees. I was completely heartbroken then.When I asked about this he completely denied . Why did he have to do this ? why did he have to lie to me?. He never used to share anything with me . When my parents came he behaved badly with them . It was no normal husband wife relationship. I didnt know what to do. He thought I would accept everything . He abused me physically also.
    Then one day he said that he has got a job abroad and wants to go. He told me that i should come after 6-9 months once he settles there. He never discussed this with my parents. 2 months after he went I myself went there bcos I was not getting a positive answer from him . Then he said that he wanted to settle in India and it would be better if I go . I came back and wrote various competitive examinations for a year and got myself through for a very important govt. organisation in India as an officer .Till this time my husband never helped me financially. I was staying in a hostel .Before going my husband never bothered where I should stay in India. It was my parents who helped me arrange my hostel . I had to manage my demanding job as well as preparation . Then when my DH came to know about my job he started showing interest in coming to India. Prior to this he was never interested in meeting me even.
    I said to him clearly that if he was really interested in keeping this marriage and staying honestly then we may stay together. But this time also I did the same mistake. for believing him . He could never change and never paid importance to what i said. He came back and stayed with me for a couple of months He was searching for a job. I gave him all the support I could . I never talked to him abt. his job as I thought he would be unnecessarily pressurised. Still he continued the same dialogue "what have you/my parents given us after marriage" . He once said clearly that he was staying with me only because he did not have a job He neither took me to his house as he felt that it was not my house and also his mother did not like it. He went home last October . I called him for 3 months and never got a decent reply about when he is coming. I realised that I should not tolerate this any more and it is time we talk to him clearly. My father had a talk with him and he said that he has been selected for a job abroad. If it is true then why he did not talk to me about this. Why so submissiveness? I will not be able to stay in this relation full of uncertainity and lack of ranparency in every aspect. Thus I decided to call it off. If you are in the right path GOD will always be by your side .My life has been a roller coaster for last 3 yrs but I am thankful to my parents and my brother and a very close friend of mine who were beside me during my tough days.


    Thank you
     
  9. shobatharun

    shobatharun Senior IL'ite

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    like to knw if had filed any 498a case to extract money or to harrase them......if so can u plz tell how won the case....
     

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