Life after children

Mkyj · Jun 7, 2010

There I lay, staring into the darkness, one glance at the clock
said the time was 2:05 a.m. What do I do next, I wondered, should I
go downstairs into the living room and do some reading or perhaps
watch some tv? but decided against it as I didnt want to move
further away from the only source of human warmth in the house.
my husband slept right next to me, oblivious of the emotional
turmoil i was going through, tonight and most nights for the past 5
years. I lay like that for another 10 minutes perhaps and then
decided to get out of bed, and just go wherever my feet took me.
I closed the door quietly behind me. I noticed the door to sona's
bedroom was slightly ajar. thats strange, i thought that door was
shut last night, I went in to check if everything was in place.
Everything was just as it was after the last they all left. I sat
down on the bed and just looked around. the room was only 14 by 16
big, and yet it held so many memories of laughter, tears sleep-
overs, fights and so much warmth. I looked over each of the
photographs on the wall. There she was as a 10 month old, a big
mischievous smile on her face, that was the smile that welcomed me
and made my day when i returned back from work everyday. My first
child, so precious, she made my life worth living, and made me an
entirely different person from the one that i was only 2 yrs before
she was born. for some strange reason, after she was born, I had
this big compulsion to make the world a better place to live in.
the other photograph was of her all of 5 yrs old, dressed in a
japanese kimono, one we took while on a visit there. went over all
of them recounting all the memories they brought back, but i
couldnt hold back tears when i got to her wedding photo and the
most recent one now - her with Kiran and their daughter, my baby
all grown up, I couldnt bring myself to believe that she was a
mother herself now, and a great one at that.
She never did like the way her make up and dress turned out at her
wedding day, but to me, she looked like an angel. It was that face
that made me all that I am today, she's perfect in everyway, my
baby, my daughter - the joy of my life.
I thought i better get out of the room before i start crying again.
closed the door behind me.
I couldnt get myself to just walk past Charan's room, I just had to
enter. It was the same as the way he left it. Clean, but
nevertheless haphazard. his guitar lay in one corner, oh how he
used to annoy sona with those numerous practice sessions over the
night - him strumming and singing, its definitely paid off, he's
very good at it now, and probably showing off his skills at many of
those gatherings they have at his college. ahhh, brings back
memories of the day he left for college, it seems only a few months
ago, he waved goodbye to me on his first day of kindergarten, and
now he's off at college already !!. sigh! why do they grow up so
fast. I laid down on his bed for a while, there at his bedside was
a picture of all four of us, taken a few months before Sona's
wedding - my family, my children, complete!!. and now the birds
have flown and I am all alone. Is there any meaning left to living
anymore? I couldnt control the sobs.
what should i do next? right, leave Charan's room before i have an
emotional breakdown, i've been having one too many of those lately.
I went down to the hallway, turned on the pc, thought i'll watch a
movie to distract myself, and catch up on my mails. a mail from
Sona, inspite of the fact that something within me said not to read
it now(owing to my over-touchiness) i went ahead and read it, it
said ....
hi ma, we're on our way now, we'll be there in another few hours,
you'll be there at the airport wont u?

oh! glorious me, how could I forget, Sona, her hubby, kids n all
were coming over to spend a week with us, in a few days, it'll be
our 34th wedding anniversary, and they were all coming over to be
with us.
All my gloom disappeared into thin air, my mind now focussed on the
preparation for the coming week, food, places to visit, gifts to
buy for little sania and arshad.....
life is so beautiful !!!

Arunarc · Jun 7, 2010

Hi Mkyj
Your post was full of emotional feeling of a mother I can understand how difficult it is once the birds grow up leave they nest and go in search of they own future. It is the mother's who suffer the most but equally feel happy they are going successfully further towards they bright future.
And when you know they are coming down for a holiday we get so excited and want to do so much for them.
Congrats for your 34th anniversary.
Even I am waiting for my son who will be coming to meet us during his holidays very soon.

Priya_Mommy · Jun 7, 2010

dear mkyj,
Literally your post left me to think. Most of our parents might have gone through this phase and we too will realize when we growup.
Excellent writeup and I am glad I read it!

Mindian · Jun 7, 2010

hi mkyj,

I can absolutely relate to your post my only daughter is in the hostel too and I miss her very much .She is the one who has brought the maximum fun and laughter in my life and is nowadays my BEST friend .now she is at home for the holidays and I am making the most of it.
you too have a great time with your children

Kamla · Jun 8, 2010

Dear Mkyj,

Thanks to Arunarc who nominated this post to the FP of the month, I got to read this lovely and emotional post of your's. First of all, congrats on being nominated.

By expressing your thoughts about missing your grown up children, you would have touched a tender nerve in every mother. I have gone through great pangs of loneliness and depression when both our daughters went away from our home. As they were in another country altogether, the separation was even more painful. Hence I could really feel the tears in my heart!

If you have not read Khalil Gibran's poem on children, I recommend that you read it. Those lines are etched in my heart. Here is the link:
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/p...our-children-not-your-children.html#post11982

L, Kamla

Sobhi · Jun 8, 2010

Hello Mkyj

Its a very touchy and emotional post. You have expressed very well the agony or pain that every mother goes through once their kids seperate.

Iam a mother to a 1.5yr old kid and being at office away from him is so painful.

Wish you a great wedding anniversary.
May god bless you with peace and happiness and lots of love from your children.

regards
Shobha

shreyashreyas · Jun 8, 2010

This is one aspect that i am worrying right now.... the lonliness of my parents after my sister's marriage in january... After reading you post, i am still more tensed thinking how they will cope with that....

The positive ending is the same answer my dad gives me when i talk to him saying that he is waiting for us to come for vacation... its always the same... we spend our summer with them and when we leave they will be waiting for the navrathri holidays.... life goes on ... maybe after some years i will do the same....

your writeup just woke up a string of emotions in me.....

nmmail · Jun 17, 2010

indeed a beautiful post!!

rgds,
nmmail.

Amma15 · Jun 18, 2010

Dear Mkyj.

Enjoyed reading your very emotional post.

I can relate to you. Both ours have left home and I too suffer from this " Empty Nest Syndrome ". The toughest part of being a mother I think is letting them go.

Have a great time with Sona and family when they visit you for your wedding anniversary.

Love,
Usha

Soldier · Jun 27, 2010

Hi.

Very nice post. Naturally all of us will feel the same when our children leave us for betterment. Of course, we will get enthu (had we wings, we would flutter) when we know they are going to be with us for some more time. You know after children grew up, most of my time i used to spend in their company for DH will always be glued to matches on TV - this or that!

I used to tell my DD, I cannot think of her leaving this house so better i look out for a veettoda maappilai - a SIL who would not mind staying with us. So that we can continue to have fun!

Nice and emotional post, well written.