Lets share our feelings - Season 5

shrukri · Jul 9, 2010

Latha just peeped but couldn't resist replying you......
That was very cute indeed........So feeling better ahh, Get refreshed and come back with cheerful posts...
Now coming to your doubt about my understanding......I absolutely understood and that's what i wanted...just right points.....
let me explain my prob in detail i have already mentioned about dominating etc etc.......let her be....In terms of DH.......She loves going out, but only with DH alone, chat with him till midnight, lunch n dinner she shld have with DH ONLY and i shld not be present....Only the impossible thing is left to me(hope u all can understand).......Since she's coming n I'm leaving my SIL(s she stays here, but not harmful to me, as we don't even meet)had informed DH to ask her to stay there during weekdays and come back here on weekends....She refused to go even to the daughter's place ridiculous...no love on grandchildren(daughter's as well)....What creature is she n how would I respect n stay under one roof....
My FIL's death is lottery to her as she can gain son's sympathy......As her expectation DH is full of sympathy for her......I knw it's going to be tough, but I have hope in our relationship.....that's it...let's see how it goes as i'm not going to face it immediate.......

Aadhusmom · Jul 9, 2010

just popped in for a quick hi...I just finished packing and we leave tomorrow. Going to Thanjavur and Kumbakonam - I love those places! See you all on Monday and have a great weekend

V.

Vishalini3 · Jul 9, 2010

Girls, i have been really busy, all my free time goes in talking to my co-sis, BIL has again started living-with-parents-together talks. She is sooooooo low and upset. BIL did this 2yrs back. SOmehow me and DH interfered, told him it wont work out, etc. DH managed to make him understand a lot on how his mother is, etc. DH is not an easy person with respect to forgiving, he remembers all gray incidents, wherein co-sis wasnt behaving well. Well ya i too agree, she didnt, but i still think she is good, i blame the situations and not her. But DH has a diff opinion, he doesnt support her views anymore. So its only me talking, giving her ideas, thinking about other ways to escape, etc. Its draining me out physically and mentally too. Am not going to reply to you all today, sorry girls, i just dont have the energy right now
But do pls pray for her, that she should shift somewhere even more far off from in-laws. It will simply not work. MIL is good 50%, bad 50% but thats with me. With her, she is 90% bad and 10% good. BIL tries to highlight that 10% and asking her to trust him and live with them with high hopes. But she has to go through a lot girls, second delivery, first child, new born, her own health, everything they have to handle single handedly. First one too, she handled it on her own. Her siblings might help for 10days, not more than that. Staying with in-laws will invite more trouble than comfort. She cannot even ask a cup of hot water to drink from MIL. Then how can she go there and stay? Whats the use? All relationships would go awry. I can forsee a total damage there, but BIL and DH cant, bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I told her, if not for their DD's school, just walk in here for the baby's delivery. We can manage better here, instead of she being alone or with in-laws. I have asked her to talk to BIL on shifting to the place where she has just got transfers, instead of in-laws. That would be nearby for her, there are good schools and hospitals too. I wish this could happen for her. bye girls.

smart_soul · Jul 9, 2010

Hi Ladies, Here after a week again.... Missed you all. Was/Am kind of busy prepping for DD's b'day party, work and hashing out some other issues. Read only till page 67 ... Will read the rest soon..
It's HOT here ladies. On july 4th it was 62 degrees and cold and 2 days from then it's 87F at 9.00am in the morning. Can't believe it. I had a Heart to heart emotional outburst with DH on Sunday and he listened. I had reached my threshold too. And since then things are kinda ok. I guess the reasons are multiple starting from handling A to Z at home alone to as Latha said, taking no breaks from each other kind of gets overboard at times.

Pon, Me too on the same lines last week. Congrats on your oven.

Latha, I like the idea of 'miserable monthly menace club' count me in... For me my symptoms and misery starts about 10-14 days before the actual... DH says I'm being unreasonable being cranky half the month..LOL..
Latha, Post the strawberry-blueberry-mint jam recipe or the link to it. Would love to try that.

Nitha, I'm imagining you non-stop kissing.. Can't control my laughter girl...ROFL

Ladies, German, Japanese and Spanish learning.. you are all STARS

Vanathi, Thats a good idea about noting the PMS dates. How's Aadhu by the way? How's his school going?

Asha, Wish your kids a very happy Birthday.

YesBee, I would be concerned too if someone else touches DD. Thankfully here the culture is no-touch. So saves our sanity.

Nice to see you back Amitha... And glad you enjoyed your Niagara trip.How are your kids doing?

Off to meet with the dermatologist for DD. Will update you soon ladies...

Traveller · Jul 10, 2010

Uma,

don't know what to say. this is an extreme case. i think your DH is like mine... trying to avoid conflict in such situations. and also the 'amma paavam' factor sets in for now just enjoy your time at your parents and there too don't worry about how things are between your MIL and DH. i have done that and it's really painful.. all the time fighting over phone with DH when i went on holidays alone to my parents. i'm sure DH carries some hurt from those times.

SS,

how's LO's allergy now? the jam is very simple because i use 'gelling sugar'. it's available in several ratios - i mean the ratio of pectin to sugar. it's commonly used here to make jams. i'll still give you the recipe:

1 kg straweberries, washed, dried and hulled. chop finely
(i had only 800 gms strawberries so added 200gms blueberries. it gave such a deep red colour)
few stalks of mint (i used lemon balm), washed, patted dry and finely minced
grated skin of 1 lemon.
500gms gelling sugar 2:1 (i used raw cane gelling sugar..benefits of living in Germany!)

mix in everything and let them soak for 2 hours.

close to the end of soaking time prepare your bottles - this is very vital to keep the jam for long time. thanks to google wash 4 bottles (one bottle extra is a clever step) in warm soap water. pre-heat your oven to 175-180 degC - not more else you'll end up cleaning glass shards. on the oven rack place the glass and lids (the glass mouth facing down) and let them sterilise and dry for 20 minutes.

keep a saucer or plate in the fridge chilled to check if jam is done.

while this is happening start preparing your jam. you'll need to cook in a laaarge pot to avoid splashing. first bring to a boil on high flame and then reduce the flame. keep on mashing and stirring. it'll take about 5-8 minutes after the boil to get the right consistency. it'll become thick but still runny. when you place a tsp of jam on the chilled plate a skin will form upon cooling. when you pour back it'll drop as a single blob. it's done.

remember that a hot jam should be filled only inside a hot bottle. if the 20 minutes time (glass heating in oven) is over even before the jam is ready just shut down the oven and keep the door slightly open. else water condensation will occur. the bottles will stay hot inside the oven. fill the jam in hot bottles leaving an inch space on the top. close and let the bottles stand upside down (on the lid) for about 5 minutes. then turn to normal position and let them stay until completely cooled (with lid on). i store my jam bottles in fridge. i don't want to risk keeping outside

Pon,

for all your good heart and wishes your co-sis's problems will be solved. my prayers are with her. what a confusion and stress during pregnancy

V,

enjoy your stay and do tell us what all you saw. DH has been planning a pilgrimage in that area since a long time. our friends who visited us now, had been there last year and were raving about the greenery in those districts. we were even talking about buying lands and building an old-style farm house

Nitha,

is your AC working now? i'm quite surprised that you have AC over there. here we have excellent heating systems but during summer it's stand-alone cooler or fans or open windows

me and kids took a 3 hr nap from 4-7. now DH is sitting all tired and exhausted and we 3 are bright and DS insisting on doing lego blocks with appa only. let me go and rescue my husband

Nitha J · Jul 10, 2010

Latha;We do have the AC's. How are houses bult there? Here it is with wood. So the heat stays inside longer.
Last two days it was the highest temperature in last 7 years; and you can imagine how hard it would have been w/o AC. Chinnu got prickly heat in neck and cheeks Today they installed a new AC unit )) It is digital with settings from mon-fri; weekend settings etc etc.. I have to read the manual.

S-s How is LO's skin now?

Pon; Hope your SIL And BIL sort out the issues soon.
One of my friends here is in the same fix. She and her IL's do not share even an ounce of understanding; forget love. But her DH invited his parents (and they came to US) for her delivery; which is due after next four months. Poor girl; she is so tensed; that she is not even enjoying her last months of pregnancy. I cannot understand how her husband doesn't see her fear or value it (

Poornima; Nice to see you back. Sorry to hear about your health. Hope everything is fine now. Reg: job; I think after two years; kids will def. enjoy going to playschool; as there are more interested in social interactions.
Vanathi; Have agreat trip;
Uma; Bhavani; Ramya; Padmini; Vidya; K (who is missing; sindhu; Amitha;CC; ASha; Sri; Lyn(another missing person AD; Raj..... all have a great weekend.
-Nitha

Pavarun · Jul 10, 2010

Nitha, is the A/C back up now? Pretty hot these days, right?

Latha, I can't imagine how much patience you have (making the jam I mean).

V, have a great trip! I would love to see those places...

S_s, how is LO's skin and allergies now? When is the birthday party?

Pon, praying for your co-sis and BIL for things to settle down peacefully.

Uma, your MIL seems a very peculiar character. Try to be emotionally detached, like Latha says. Can't think of anything else.

CC, hugs. Must be really tough to be the providers all the time.

Poornima, hugs to you too. Take care of your health. If you are not comfortable leaving Vinu at daycare then maybe giving up the job is the right decision. You sound overwhelmed by all the changes and happenings, take care and take some time for everything to sink in, and hope things settle down soon. Some kids are a little stubborn and strong willed by nature, so don't be hard on yourself.

Padmini, belated birthday wishes to you!

Latha, that was a nice gesture from Legoland - what a great marketing technique. I would surely fall for it and go back there for my next vacation

P has a birthday party to go to tomorrow. It is his classmate's (a girl) He insisted on buying a car for her, but I talked him into a gift card. They had a field trip today to the local library and P was so excited to ride on a school bus.

Everyone have a good weekend.

Traveller · Jul 11, 2010

Sindhu,

my patience,sadly, is severely restricted to only things like cooking, knitting etc., may be it's also because they kind of 'listen' to me

so you all busy bees... hope you're having a relaxing week-end.

ours was busy today. we finally bought a coffee machine - a Jura. once i understand how it works we can enjoy cappuccino etc., at home. i'm excited but alas more work

my fridge is so absolutely full that i broke a glass of fruit yogurt while trying to put in more stuff. damn i have to clean it again tomorrow. i cleared space only last week. now more fruits occupying space.. i really don't know what at all i keep in the fridge. it's always over flowing

now onto DS - he's getting nastier by the minute. i don't know why he appears so unhappy to me. he starts and ends the day with screams, snatching things from his sis, irritating her and also me, doing trouble on purpose... this morning DH got so furious that he was spanked after what seems like ages. his eating habits has gone in for a toss. and the way he speaks - quite rude. so next week's project - rework on certain things pertaining to him. sometimes i feel that nothing works with him - cajoling, distracting, bribes, point system, rules... nothing.

our friends' kids who visited us- now i hate comparisons - but one can't help but notice how different my kids are they eat properly, listen to their parents. i don't know why my children are so firm-minded... there must be something that i'm doing wrong.

tomorrow got lots to clear given that i relaxed a bit too much today. i took the day easily and forgot that the tasks will stare at me the next day bahhhhhh...

will be back later...

Vishalini3 · Jul 11, 2010

Girls, How are you all? I thought i would have 3-4pages to read after a day off, but no, less than 2pages

Latha, With Aniish, may be he is sensing there are some tensions at home? Sometimes DD behaves that way, all irritated and annoying, only when me and DH have a tiff. Though we avoid such 'talks' before her, she somehow gets that we are not getting along well 'those' days. Her school head says, everyday in school, he can clearly identify kids who have a peaceful happy home, parents that is, and he can clearly identify from the kids' temperament that some families having issues. Infact, whenever me and DH have a major tiff, next day i would get a call from her school head, asking is that anything wrong at home. I would 'samalichify' that am sick bahhhhhhhhhh! They dont call every other parent, but to some parents whom they know personally! I fall under than category, and hence have to answer them too. It happened last Monday, when me and DH were talking all rubbish last weekend, with my PMS
From Monday, we were all hugging, kissing, laughing together, before kids and she seem to be back in happy-happy mode it seems. :bonk I somehow cant agree that a chid's mood is all the time dependent on parents'. But her school head says that strongly, if the parents are majorly happy, +ve, that reflects a lot on the children, no matter what genes they carry:hide:

For DS, DD's cupboard is kinda tressure hunt )) She has a secret hand bag, she has stuffed in all old wedding cards, some papers which she found interesting, all those kutty kutty broken items. DS found that bag somehow, toook out all things and happily banged all of them. The moment DD saw that, she was in tears, she couldnt control herself screaming, she was like - how can he touch my personal bag(??!)!

Sindhu, I listened yuhi chala chal soo many times, after reading your post HOw are things at work?

Poornima, Hugs girl, do some part time job from home, just to divert yourself. If not here, do mail us, if you feel better ranting that way. Somehow there should be an outlet for all our emotional outbursts, otherwise that would for sure blow up on DHs and kids. Right now, your health is of the high priority. Everything else comes next. Now that you have all the time, why dont try some of chithramma's receipes? Cook and treat yourself??

Traveller · Jul 12, 2010

Pon,

frankly me too don't agree with tension between parents=cranky kids all the time. there are days when we start perfectly fan and this boy drives us nuts and in the end me and DH start fighting there are couple of important things i'm unable to fix - talking in between (or interrupting with silly queries) whenever me or DH start conversation amongst each other or with others. i've tried ignoring, asking him to wait nothing works except a big scream 'wait' in the end.

him not taking seriously at all - i mean not at all, when simple rules are enforced. like for example when he's playing rough with his sis, she cries, the rule is to leave her alone. i've to physically remove him from the scene of 'crime'.

eating - this is the most frustrating issue. i've learnt to starve him rather than run around and get exhausted and lose my sanity in the process. but still he doesn't come around eating properly. i sometimes think may be the 'snacks' is what causing the issue. but i make sure he gets proper snacks like cheese, fruits, yogurt and some junk - like cookies, a little candy. i figure out that he's like me - his body needs snacking - the metabolic issue you see. so i respect that. but when i recently saw our friends' children eating properly at meal time and leaving the mom in peace i cried inside... really those children do not snack on biscuits or anything. i don't know how they're in their home but atleast they ate well in my home and that has left me disappointed with my own

but you know my boy is pretty clever. today on our way back from the little escapade (the details follow below), DH was saying 'we'll be home in 10 minutes. what do we do? amma will make dinner and A n A will play with appa'. to this DS replies promptly 'noooo i'm going to trouble amma in kitchen haa haa haa'

so girls... no one here today? i got up royally at 9.30!!!!!! can't remember when was the last time i got up so late but DD also woke up with me so no guilt feeling. DH said we will go somewhere. the last many week-ends we have been just cleaning/clearing, not taking time out with kids. here summer is so very precious that it's highly recommended to just step out and have some fun.

so i turned a blind eye to all the mess, pending errands and we went to a little fun park kind of thing in the austrian border. this is in a small mountain, usually a ski place. but from may-october they open up with some little water spots all themed around witches if we had gone earlier we'd have got a guided tour on a huge sun dial, traditional flour mill etc., but we went around 3 which is still good - sun is tolerable we had to park the car down and take cable car. that itself was so much fun. then once up DD had a blast.

she was wandering around in water-proof diapers and refusing to get out of the water. she was screaming and hitting her dad when we had to leave. DS got in water only towards the end. 2 hrs of awesome fun. i'm so surprised at myself - didn't worry about food, what to prepare nothing. we had bread (with home made jam hee hee) for breakfast, picked up some lunch on the way (the pasta was excellent though), got fruits too on the way and had fun, only fun. i can see we are all relaxed. so now we've decided to do such trips until august when the next set of guests arrive you can have a look at the place here hexenwasser.bergbahnsoell.at/

tomorrow i got to work harder. i've a huuuuuge load to iron, some clothes to hand wash and also shopping. but well happiness too comes at a price

i'm off to hit the bed. walked a bit too much and am going to sleep really well

see you all tomorrow. i've taken pictures of the cake deco and my plants. will post them this week.