Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, May 24, 2021.
Yes, but it’s also our life experiences that make us think in a certain way...
There are many essential things I’ve had to do promise on, because I’m not earning..many expenses am due personal sacrifices I’ve made.
Also have seen my in-laws glorifying other DILs who are in top positions and earning fat salary packages and leading luxurious lifestyles..
Maybe society norms are like this...but due to having a big family circle I do not have a choice of being isolated, and lot of manipulation and power games do happen.
Money is needed to survive and lead a comfortable lifestyle. Being unable to earn it causes many limitations in the quality of life and unnecessary taunts and criticisms, fear and uncertainty about the future.
My experiences, my perceptions.
Glad to know you feel different and confident in your skin.
Now that you confirm it is a typo, you were likely going for a rhyming phrase, as in, means and materialistic things.
Typo's happen from the same row of a qwerty keyboard: b and m are not too far apart.
Dictionary meaning of "means" includes:
financial resources; income.
"he came from a family of very modest means"
Beans torture other peoples ears and souls .. definitely NOT pleasurable
I had written a self respect 'essay' to Needtobestrong but I realised the best is to listen to her than preach. I get carried way and start to write essays,sorry!
You are a gentle and kind lady @Needtobestrong you will find a way to swim thru this alive soon.
I understand but the only thing I wanted to express was..even if you earn a paycheck..your in laws will still find some other fault Their idea is just to vent their frustration and irritate you.
Secondly..there should be basic respect between people.Respect given only because of money is not really respect.society works that way but society is not just those people.There are many others who are in worse situations than us and end goal is to be peaceful and happy.It has to begin with a shift in the mind set which is the base foundation and then slowly we can build up.
Doing anything for ourself is different but for other people so that they will treat you right,so that they will see you differently...is not stable in the long run.
At the same time..if that money is going to make you comfortable and happy personally..then for sure you should try for a job.Once Covid situation relaxes..things can change.
Anyways..again just thought of helping coz I was also on the same boat once.sorry if I said anything out of line.
All will be well.All the best and hope your dreams come true.
1) NOTHING is more valuable than peace of mind. When I say nothing, I mean absolutely NOTHING - be it relationship, money, a bad boss.. If it is meddling with your peace of mind, work towards eliminating it .
2) Everybody is a bad guy in someone's story. Even Mahatma Gandhi was a bad guy in someone else's story and Duryodhana was a good guy in someone's story. So, whatever you do, sometimes you are the bad person (even without knowing it)
3) Kids grow up FAST. Savor every moment .
4) Eat that pizza slice or cake. Tomorrow, when you are old - you will regret not eating it
5) Learn to Say NO.
6) Looks for the Helpers , not the Saviors. Look for the helpers who text you "how are you? doing ok?" regularly and check up on you, not the saviors who proclaim "I will be there for you" and then totally disappear until you seek them out.
working on the fourth point..5th honestly..I stopped even expecting basic helper also..life teaches you a lot!
loved the first 3 points! Salute to point no 1 !
You’re right, respect given because of money isn’t true respect...
But society is like this..what to do..
I seriously mean it when I say that a woman in my situation is better off working.Even when I was working, my In laws were damn irritating...that time too they used to show frustration on me...they would crib and complain..but there was a lot of difference, because I used to finish my morning kitchen duties and leave for office by 9 am, would reach home late by 8 pm.. so dint spend much time with them and got escape from their nagging, that time I was earning decent amount and could afford extra help like maid, cook, laundry person to iron clothes etc..so manual task was reduced..during their stay , if I paid extra money to maid or cook they would do additional work, and I was not burdened much..I could afford vacations and staying in good hotels, eating out at good restaurants where the meal for each person is 1000 Rs etc...could make savings and investments..
That time my husband also was sympathetic when I couldn’t get up early to cook lunch on weekdays sometimes if I had late night calls..but...now , even if I am unwell I don’t have the luxury of sleeping in...
After leaving job I had to cut down on expenses.
When I had to leave my job, my husband assured me that his respect for me will not reduce and that he will value me...
But now, after some years i can see his bitterness when other guys are able to afford good lifestyle with double income ,pay off loans quickly..resentment when his cousins wives earn on par with their spouses and are in top positions..and contempt for me when my efforts to get job were unsuccessful, and sarcastic remarks implying that i should do all household chores as I don’t have any better work etc,.
My DH has changed drastically from a good, supportive , easy going , sweet natured guy to a totally different bitter, short tempered person who can treat his wife, like unwanted load of crap, infront of his parents.
Sorry, I’m ranting endlessly...I’m very depressed ...due to my experiences, I always advice my juniors to concentrate on studies and job so that they don’t go through all this...This is a major life experience,,.i get panic attacks everytime I see the profiles of my contemporaries on LinkedIn. Or maybe I’m going crazy.
No dear, you didn’t say anything out of line at all...we all have different views , as we are all in geographically different locations, from different backgrounds, followed different paths in life, that’s all...if you’re happy and content being a home maker there is no issue.
Hope we succeed in getting what we want from life and be happy that’s all..
Thank you for the kind words Anika. And let me say, great thread!
"Look for the helpers" is a quote from Mr. Rogers (a very popular American show host) with reference to a conversation he had with his mom when he was a kid . I just extended it in my way
But actually, what I meant was - we all tend to look for support from husbands/family members in the form of an everlasting promise to "save us". We expect the husband to be the superhero and defend us, or our mom/sister/brother to soothe us etc. But expectations are barely met and inevitably there is a sense of "no one cares about me. I am alone and I am a failure". We often tend to ignore the people who just do an occasional check-in with no reason . We think "Oh, why are they simply texting us? I am not interested in small talk". But the lesson I learnt is that some of these small talkers are people who actually care for us. A lot of them are just gossip mongers or stalkers looking for news about us, but a very few are ACTUAL well wishers. They may not be saviors, but you'll always find some kind of peace when you talk to them. My point is to look for such people and keep them close