Lessons In Life And Relationships

gamma50g · Sep 1, 2023

When I was 10 years old, my Godrej cupboard (yes, the ubiquitous grey elephant) was 20 years old. At that time I thought 20 was soooo old.

When I was 20 years old, I realized I was as old as my Godrej cupboard was 10 years ago, that a decade just slipped through my fingers like the grains of sand.

When I was 30 years old, I realized that my 20s had crossed in the blink of an eye and I never really got to do any fun, adventurous things that I really wanted to do due to circumstances beyond my control.

Now, I feel that every day is a bonus touched by the ageless death. You may be fit, eating right and doing all the correct things and yet you are here today but gone tomorrow.

After my mom passed, I changed my approach to relationships and life:

I try to not think about or dwell on negativity - both people and events. When my mind goes to a particular negative person or an event, I try to consciously try to think of something good that is in my life. I know that getting angry and bitter only ruins my own life and affects my clarity and peace of mind.

I understand that whatever little time is left on this earth is just too little to have regrets and hold on to 'those vile people who talked such bad things to me or my parents' - just to maintain a relationship. In cases where things become intolerable to me and I can let them go, I choose to let them go no regrets because I believe that a relationship should cause happiness and positivity and not negativity and stress .

If I don't have an option to let go of that relationship because of other close relationships tied to it, I make sure that I am courteous to them even if they have been negative to me in the past and do not have any basic courtesy in the present.

That is not saying that I am perfect. Because I am not. I am unable to forget and therefore forgive. But I try my best not to dwell on the past and move on without wishing ill.

Regarding people like in-laws, I try to look at the big picture and think, when I become a mother-in-law myself, would I like to be treated the way I am treating them. That mostly answers all my dilemmas. That is not to say they are perfect. There are a lot of things that they do which I don't like. I have made a list of those things for my own reference so that when I become a mother-in-law, I do not repeat the same mistakes that they do with my daughter-in-law. No age after marriage is too early to start such a list. Moreover, it is not worth ruining your relationship with your spouse because of your in-laws. No child, your spouse included would like to hear anything against his parents, even if his parents are super villans.

According to my friends, I am a person with immense patience and tolerance. I would like to think that I am because its very easy to talk hurtful words, but words once spoken can never be taken back. Hence, I choose not to retaliate, even if others see it as a sign of weakness.

Thus, I inscribe my thoughts, etching them digitally, a testament to a life embraced, relationships nurtured, and lessons unfurled.

stayblessed · Sep 1, 2023

Really liked this post of yours. My in laws are extremely mean to me and my parents. Like you I also don't retaliate. But unlike you I haven't embraced this quality of mine. I feel I am so weak. This post is an eye opener for me. Thank you so much for helping me see it as a positive quality. I dont have it in me to talk back. But I store the bitterness in my heart which is of no use. I must learn to let go instead of revisiting the bitter memories. People are who they are. We must understand and let go and not let it affect us.

Sweety2016 · Sep 1, 2023

A wonderful post, @gamma50g...

Amongst electromagnetic radiation, I like gamma radiation...Inspite of having the shortest wavelength amongst the other electromagnetic rays, it is very powerful and has a very high penetrating power. That is why we need proper containment around our nuclear power plants. Gamma rays are like a villain with his own charm. It is carcinogenic and is the main cause of radiation poisoning and death in overexposed nuclear plant workers. But at the same time, it also has an important application in nuclear medicine to identify cancerous tissues.
I am not even sure why I shared about gamma rays.

I would feel very happy if the essence of your post could penetrate deep into me and cause a change in me. I aspire to be calmer, composed, forgiving, and have a heart filled with love and compassion. That is possible only when we let it all go, whatever it is. Easier said than done!
It's easy to be calm in a safe, happy environment when things go our way, but I would consider myself lucky when I am able to attain inner peace amidst turbulence, contentment amidst pain, and practice gratitude amidst misery. That is possible if I could adopt and practice atleast some of the points mentioned in your OP. Thank you for sharing

Viswamitra · Sep 1, 2023

@gamma50g,

Every life experience is unique and independent and they are not interdependent. It is our mind that connects all of them into one giant ball and call it as life. When you break them into individual experiences and deal with them separately, our lives will become peaceful. Our life is like a river trying to reach the Ocean. On its way, it feeds many lives by sharing its stream with the vegetations and by quinching the thirst of human beings, birds and animals. Two banks of the river are pleasure and pain and as long as the river flows towards its goal of reaching the ocean without indulging in pleasure or pain, it will reach the destination. They are pair of opposites to create a barrier to life. Both are essential for the river to flow.

When we separate ourselves from the feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc. we become a witness to what happens. It is human to feel them but one who distance himself/herself from them, conquers all his/her desires and attachments. Many times, we misunderstand we need to become free from this world but we fail to realize the world is built by our feelings, emotions, and thoughts. In other words, in order to break free from the world, we need to break free from our feelings, emotions, and thoughts and become merely a witness. When one is placed in that consciousness, the peace is permanently established. Mind will continue to agitate as long as it exists as it is just cauldron of thoughts but once one raises above it, he or she will become unaffected. The waves will keep coming but a bird that fly is unaffected by it. It is the initial thrust is what is needed for the airplane to become aerodynamic.

Everyone of us are born with a spark of divinity without which our existence is not feasible. We continue to aspire to become pure divine always but it is our mind that indulges us in worldly happiness and make us realize the worldly pleasures. The initial thrust is all about delving into the question as to how to find that spark of divinity inside of us. Every life will definitly have aspiration to become divine like the river running towards the ocean but it is how we regulate our lives that enables us to keep that aspiration alive and carry out actions to find that spart of divinity residing in us.

gamma50g · Sep 1, 2023

@Sweety2016 you guessed the reason behind my username . Like you, I was also fascinated by the alpha, beta and especially the gamma rays and hence the username. I agree with you that it is indeed difficult to keep calm when things are turbulent around us. However, that is what makes us human.

@Viswamitra sir mentioned that if we separate ourselves from our feelings and become a witness to them, we will conquer it all. That is ideal.

However, we are, but human. As a human it is not possible to stay impassive to feelings. Something negative happening around us may evoke feelings of anger or sorrow or other negative emotions within us. Such negative emotions may affect our normal thought process and as a result, our response to them.

However, as humans endowed with superior intellect, it is upto us to find other ways to respond to those negative feelings externally. What we need is a healthy release for our negative feelings and thoughts internally so that we can respond to the most negative and depressing events happening around us positively externally. Thats my take. However if one can follow @Viswamitra sir's comments to the T, then one has truly achieved what 99.99% of us may never achieve in our lifetime.

Viswamitra · Sep 1, 2023

Whatever I said above are not my words but what I had learned from the wisdom of the learned souls. I am with you on struggling to find a way to control emotions, feelings and thoughts. That is why I find every opportunity to learn these steps from whatever source is available to me. When we ask questions like, "Who was responsible for hurting?" and "Who is hurt?", we get answers to the questions that might improve how we react. There are three elements in each experience known as Receipt, Reaction, and Response. Who is the Recipient, who is reacting, and who is responding, should be answered internally. The Recipient is the Soul whereas the reaction and response are respectively from our manas and ahamkara. Aham (Brahmasmi) minus Kara is our true Self. Frankly, the one who hurts and one who got hurt are not the Souls but only the tools that each possesses.

In our worldly life, we move from dependent to independent and finally to interdependent stage whereas in the spiritual world we move from independent to interdependent to finally dependent stage. When our mind functions not regulated is independent stage, somewhat regulated but learns to work with others is interdependent, and finally when it becomes completely embedded into our pure consciousness, it becomes dependent on the Supreme soul realizing all are from the same source.

Breathing reminds us the holy thought "Soham" meaning, "I am He". That is a good place to start transformation. It looks daunting when we see where we are now but once we make steps, the path begins to unfold just like the headlight of the car showing the direction we need to go.