Lengthy Phone Calls

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by shravs3, Dec 12, 2020.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    From past few months there is this one person who keeps calling me almost every week and sometimes more than once in a week. And the thing is the calls are not short, it usually last more than an hour.

    Most of the times I do not respond immediately as I’m busy and I really do not have patience for long calls these days. So whenever I’m free I will either call or message that person only after a while.
    Even though I message lately I receive the call again but I don’t pickup most of the times .

    And the calls are nothing but usually the other person keeps venting always and also some general conversation.

    I honestly don’t have patience to talk to the person so frequently as it’s usually the same usual venting stuff(mostly negative stuff)as I already am little stressful and less energetic these days.

    I do ignore the calls most of the times but I find it annoying to even see the notification.

    I know the person is going through stressful situation but right now all I want is to hear less negative things now.

    I don’t know how to deal with this apart from ignoring the calls and message.
     
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't iphones and android phones have a block-contact feature ? I think it is in "settings". You can create a list of phone numbers from which the calls will be automatically rejected.

    @shravs3 : if you want to take only calls once a month from this person, I don't know how to do that, but you can add and remove numbers from that list, as a manual workaround.
    FYI:
    Can a blocked number tell they are blocked?
    When you block a phone number or contact, they can still leave a voicemail, but you won't get a notification. Messages that are sent or received won't be delivered. Also, the contact won't get a notification that the call or message was blocked.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmm.. I thought shravs was looking for options that do not use technology...


    I have one friend like this too. Calls come at dinner time, weekend morning and if cell phone is not answered, the landline rings which hardly rings now-a-days.

    She is now pretty much the only friend who calls without us first setting up a time by whatspp text to talk. Not only will she call, but if I multi-task, I get a lecture and pointed questions. I simply don't have time to sit and talk without doing anything else. Finally, folding clothes is the only thing I can do when talking with her.

    And it is hard to end the conversation. Even if at a logical point you manage a, "OK .. bye..." they will ignore that and say something like, "you won't believe this..." or "guess what happened when ..."

    I don't have suggestions really... I have told family not to answer the home phone or my satyaharishchandra child will simply bring the phone to me even if I wildly gesticulate don't.
     
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  4. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    If i were you i would politely say i am myself battling some downtime and dont want to hear more or say sorry cannot help much . So for a few days i would want to be left alone if she doesnt mind. Send across a text message if you arent comfortable talking.
     
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  5. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Honesty can be a bitter pill to swallow. But, it really helps you and the other person. You need to let her know. Some people can never see how their behaviour is impacting others, without being told.

    Something like - "I empathise with your situation and feel sorry for what you are going through. But, currently I am myself feeling more stressful & less energetic and badly in need of sometime for myself. As a result, I don't think I can do much help to you given the state I am in. I only wish you will have enough strength to deal with stuff going on in your life. Give me some time to recover, I will call you back." will help you deliver the message to her and save yourself from the weight.

    I am currently living in a Country the people of which are known to be very straight forward. At times, they sound really rude. But, after living here for a while, I started realising it to be a better way of living. I mean being straight forward and not the rudeness. We endure lot of inconvenience just because we are not equipped to say 'no'. We are busy ensuring that others are not hurt and conveniently forget the well-being of us. We let others dump weight we cannot carry, say words we cannot handle and stuff we cannot swallow most of the times unknowingly under the name of 'relationship'. We do not realise that we are stressing our lives and letting others live without knowing boundaries.

    Relationships are more authentic, meaningful and healthy when we are honest to say 'no' and the other person is big enough to take it and respect our space.

    Just because we have a right to say 'no', doesn't entitle us to be rude or mean to others. Things can be communicated in a polite way. Each relationship has a tone. One must keep that in mind while exercising their right to say 'no'.

    So, I would suggest you to be honest with her about how you are unfortunately lacking the ability, at present, to share her pain. Depending on the relationship you share with her, you may also go a little further to assure her that you will get back to her when you recover. You can save yourself and keep the relationship too.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 22, 2020
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  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am not looking for blocking that person. I have already several unknown/unwanted numbers in my block list.
     
  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have faced this several times :smash2:
    Somehow the conversation goes on and on.. At times I do try escaping by telling sorry I’m busy but how do I do it always without guilt :confundio1:

    Whenever I get a call from her my spouse is like how much do you keep talking the same stuff and ask me to cut the call :sweatsmile:
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2020
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I tried even texting but after few hours there will still be a missed call on that day or the next day.
    Maybe the only option is to tell her directly like you told.
     
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  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Very true. I’m planning to do that next time. I somehow feel the guilt for not responding to her calls always. But I have no other option..

    And the thing is she has told me directly that somehow she feels like venting everything to me.

    But like I already said nowadays I don’t want to listen to vents when I’m already in a stressful situation.

    I want to hear only positive or atleast the usual stuff so that my mind doesn’t go non stop thinking about her :blush:
     
  10. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    Excellent text to politely convey

    @shravs3
    it is okay to politely say no
     
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