1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Leaving 10 Month Old In India, Will It Affect Baby?

Discussion in 'Infants' started by Anbhu, Jul 14, 2017.

  1. Anbhu

    Anbhu Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    55
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,
    Have a 10 month old son. Plays on his own, does not need me like always cling to me. But is still breastfeeding to good extent. Does not drink water/formula/milk etc. Eats solids and fruits well.

    I am thinking to leave my baby son 10 month old with my inlaws for a month or two due to work. not more than that. Will it affect his mental health? In -laws will take good care for him. He has more cousins to play with.

    What is your experience in this?
     
    Sunshine04 likes this.
    Loading...

  2. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,746
    Likes Received:
    1,707
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Can you call your inlaws here instead if leaving him there .
     
    Archanaanchan likes this.
  3. radhaparth2000

    radhaparth2000 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,663
    Likes Received:
    645
    Trophy Points:
    233
    Gender:
    Female
    I left my daughter when she was 16 months old. My husband and in laws took care of her well, since she was big I used to Skype with her everyday. I was out for 4 weeks. She did bond with me well when I came back. Do you breastfeed your kid at night? If yes it may be an issue.
     
  4. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    992
    Likes Received:
    2,132
    Trophy Points:
    265
    Gender:
    Female
    I did not leave my son for extended periods of time, while breastfeeding my son. When I left him with my mom, he was happy and totally fine to be without me, but he became very clingy after the couple of hours I was gone. If your son has not had any experience in being away from you, I think it would be easier on both of you, by taking it slow.

    • Breastfeeding - This is a 2 person problem. Weaning your child from breastmilk at 10-months is not an easy task. Especially when you don't have a bottle habit already set. Your son might not like the taste of formula and can be quite vocal about it at this age. Also, according to doctor recommendation, you shouldn't be starting cow's milk until the child is 12 months. The other issue is for you. I find that stopping the breastfeeding relationship takes time, and stopping instantly will cause more pain to you. I reduced it by gradually reducing the number of breastmilk feedings per day.
    • Has your son been away from you over night? - Allowing someone else to put your son to sleep, will help get accustomed to be away from you. I was never able to leave my infant son overnight, because he literally slept in my warmth and had trouble sleeping for longer periods of time without me. Also, I was breastfeeding at night, which took a LONG time to wean.

    Afterall this, I only had one friend who left her daughter with her mom and husband for 4-5 days, at this age (10 months). She was not breastfeeding, and her mother was taking care of the daughter during the day and her husband was working from home, so was always there. From just the 4 days, her daughter became increasingly clingy. I can believe that, because even my son becomes very clingy if he can't touch base every day.

    10 months is an age that needs the mother, more than playmates. After noticing how children at this age play, they prefer parallel play and aren't good at playing with other kids. I understand that you are working and cannot be there full-time, but there is still a emotional need for babies to be reconnected with their parent at the end of the day. And vice versa. Ideally, I would suggest you to bring your ILs with you, to support you for the month or two.

    I have seen parents who have left their children for extended periods of time (>6 months), with their grandparents, and the children seem pretty normal. The biggest problem is the regret the parents have on not having the same close relationship with their children. I'm not trying to guilt you or anything, and I really don't know your personal situation or job, but careers can be maintained while having an infant around. I don't think it's very beneficial to anyone, if you leave your child in India.
     
    Adamsribs, teejay, sbonigala and 3 others like this.
  5. Mmaaee

    Mmaaee New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    I am grandma who had to leave behind her 2 little babies with her in laws .... 30 years back. My youngest was 6 months old but I had no other option then.

    It was very hard for me to be away from my babies but somehow I passed through each day. Very often at night, I slept off soaking my pillow with heartfelt tears. It was partially a feeling of guilt and a feeling of motherhood craving.

    My babies were happy and I could hear their lil chatter on the phone. No skype those days. It did not matter much to them so long they had their basics taken care of in time. That is the age when they are bothered on themselves. That is how nature is.

    Today when my young children are forced to leave their babies with me, I have understood how it feels from a grandparent's perspective.

    I adore my grandkids. But at the same time, I do not have the energy to be on my toes to compete with the energy of a hyperactive kid. The kid is growing while my health is reversing as age sets in. But for the sake of my children and their helplessness, I go the extra mile to assist with their babies sitting.

    Finally I told my children to find an alternative to bring up their children on their own. I asked them "what would you do if you had no parents or parents in law living??"

    This was the same question I had asked myself 30 years back, when I finally decided that if we (hubby n me) brought a baby into this world, then we have the responsibility too to take care of him/her.

    Good Luck.
     
    BhumiBabe and Adamsribs like this.

Share This Page