Last child syndrome

I can identify with your story
DH and I are both youngest. We both have elder siblings who have a big age difference. We married late and chose to have a kid late.
So , both sides grand dads are gone
and DH's mom is almost senile .. so can not travel and can not even take care of herself, leave alone traveling to US to see her grand son
And my mom is the only living grand parents with strength and will to do so..
DH's sis and my sis got a lot of support from their parents .
But then, I never expected that for myself, After all, we chose to get married in late 20s and have kids after we were both in our early 30s. WE should be able to bring them up because we waited so long to get setteled in our lives and careers. I do get frustrated at times doing it all alone : work, managing house, kid and another one on the way
But I understand that I am mature and strong enough to handle it, It was our decision and we have to live with it. There are perks of having kids late and we are enjoying them too.. like settled jobs, settled teams, good relations with boss, big house, fianancial flexibility. I know my sister and my sister in law had a hard time being young mothers and managing work which was in initial stage of their careers and they did not ahve too many rights or choices.
So, I guess, count your blessings.. dont get too bitter thinking about what your parents are not doing. Of course, get your DH on your side and try to have good realtionship withnhim. If you need to talk to someone, get a counsellor or psychologist, dont bother your parents..
One thing I would say, NEVER QUIT YOUR JOB FOR A KID.. Quit it if you want to do it for yourself..Not for the kid. The kid did not ask you to leave your job and take care of him.. If possible try to get some part time job that keeps you going outside and meeting other people..

 

That was just my opinion as in general to everybody not to you so don't take it personal. Didn't mean to hurt you but at the same time that was the conclusion I came to from little details from your post. It's not being a last child but others who do not get parents support to take care of their children also complain. So I was talking in general that our children are our responsibility. And I never ever take others problems for granted so it's not that I do not courtesy you, I just gave an honest opinion about grand parents taking care of grand children. I somehow did not like the sentence in your post that a taking care of a child is so exhaustive that it leads to divorce.

 

Hi
Looks like you are in India, why dont your hire a full time servant for looking after the kid or to do the house work so that you are not overwhelmed.
Cribbing that your inlaws are no more and your parents are old is not going to solve anything.

Be proactive and get some help. If you and your husband are tired and yelling at each other, its time to get a domestic help.

 

Madhu,


I you are frustated with something,typically this place to find that and give the solution.It's looks to me more then your house work you need to some one to give you emotional support right.I know your husband busy wih work and don't have any time for you and you are looking for your parents and sister support.Is in't it.
This is my understanding from your post.Since your sister was working then parents would felt need of that.Since you are not working,they don't see any meaning to give you support.Yes that's how the people look into it.Even though your sister kids grow up,she might have her plate full of work.Especially with there work and other things.You might feel that you are busy with small kid but they have there own things to worry and your thing may not big deal for them.
I have 2 small kids and work and my sister live here and I no way would go to her and complain on my life.I would only good things and they like to hear.No one likes to hear your issues on day to day basis.It could be your sister or parents or friends.Once in a while ok but that it get bored after a while.My second sister had habit feeling negative for the thing,to be frank we don't like it.We feel like why can't she positive about the things and be happy in her life instead of worrying about the things.That's how the people.You need to be happy and positive then only other people like to talk with you.People talk on phone for relaxation especially if your sister is working.
I hope you got my point.if you can handle your house then find some friends where you can hang on every day.That may be the best thing for you.I suggest going for some exercise that would relax you lot mentally and physically.Go out yourself by leaving your kids with your husband for sometime.Go to movie with friends.Find something which makes you happy.
No use of cribbing about past like parents not able to help you.done is done and you can't change it and only hope for better.

 

Hang in there grrl!
I am so sorry some posters have been obnoxious to you! People tend to let thier own issues creep in when they hear other peoples issues.
First off *HUGS*, yeah carrying the burden of childcare is tough. Thats why people usually raise children in extended families.

I'm the youngest, and my DH is the oldest. My parents and family are pretty useless to me, but we are very involved with his family.

What you really need these days is *friends*!
Other women who are in a similar situation with a small child.
You can help each other emotionally and by swapping child care.

Don't pay any attention to people giving you grief!
Cheers,
Amy