Kindergartner Troubles At School

When a parent writes about a situation like you have written, it means the parent is well-informed, does research, and wants to do what is best for the child in the short-term and long-term. That is the biggest advantage parent and child can have. Kudos to you for having analyzed it so well and most importantly IMO with minimal blaming of others. You are singularly focused on finding what is the best for your child. I've spent umpteen hours in KG classrooms and talked about similar situations with many parents. This is my un-sugarcoated response.

Almost 80% of kids in a good school district's public school or in a private school will be good academically. This will continue till 3rd or 4th grade after which more latent abilities come to the fore.

Teachers will usually want to give a rosy picture and if they talk about an issue that means it is worthy of attention.

Quite common. The reason behind classroom rules are sometimes not obvious to the children. Don't hit, don't run etc they get, but other rules they don't understand. The rules are in place because teachers have to deal with 15-20 five year old's for 3-5 hours and get them to do tasks.

Happens. Kids do not read instructions and do not wait for those to be read by the teacher. But, it is important to learn to read, understand instructions, ask questions, and then start the task. From a practical perspective, if each child needs one instruction to be repeated, nothing will get done in class. In 1st or 2nd grade, teacher will simply put in trash homework with no name on it, for example. So, better learn in KG.

Agreed that is discouraging your DD from giving her best. So, what was the teacher to do? There were let's say 15 other students looking on to see how she would respond. Classroom has more than enough occasion and opportunity for children to be curious and teachers in fact aim to make students in-charge of their learning. Teacher must have tried many other ways, and it must have been hard for her also to strike out the sheet. If she accepted the work, teacher's credibility and authority gets even more weakened.

Teachers (and parents) have hardly any things they can withhold from children to get them to follow class or home rules. Once again, teacher has few other choices. If she gives her the challenge pack, DD will race through those sheets also.

I did say at the top this response is un-sugarcoated. So here goes: Most of the "bored" kids in a classroom are not bored by themselves. It is hearing parents tell that to each other and on phone to mommy-friends that reinforces in the child that she is ahead of the class' academics and "bored" and not challenged enough. There are enough parenting articles that say do not praise the child himself, praise his effort or the task accomplished. Rather than worry about the teacher's comment (and they make many clueless ones!) you should think about the conversations at home. And, why did the child relate that to the teacher. Give it some thought. Kindergartners relate the darnedest family details in class. Why did your child want to share this. Was it a loving and casual remark made one time, or is "smartness" and "smartest kid" oft repeated at home? And, what could the teacher have told her in response? Such plain-speak from teacher is better than a soft response aimed at (over) protecting self-esteem etc.

No, the office visit doesn't have anything to do with defiance or pattern. Allergies is a very serious problem in classrooms, and if teacher and school are not firm about reinforcing no-sharing rules, they can have a life and death situation in the classroom without even knowing what happened. "Repeatedly breaking" this rule --> visit to office is fair enough.

 

Good definition of what you need and want to do. If both you and your husband are on the same page about this and both see it as important, that is in itself a big first step. Many parents don't have agreement on these things.

So, now you know. You have to enforce multiple times and she takes liberties with you. 5 or 6 is a good enough age to ramp up the discipline at home while remaining loving and firm. It will seem at first like you are curbing her independence, initiative etc. But, it is not so. When some basic discipline becomes second nature, it frees up a lot of time and reserves of patience. Your energies get spent on bigger issues. I highly recommend the method and book called 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Phelan. Go for the one for children aged 2-12. One of the best no-nonsense parenting books I've ever read. And I've borrowed these by the car-trunk loads from the library.

Human nature. But unless you plan to home-school her she has to learn to follow rules. There is no two ways about that.

Compassion, empathy are good but not related to and not substitutes for learning how to function in a group.

Rules will be pretty much like this in most schools. Teachers have ways to keep advanced kids engaged. That is their job.

You feel she will respond better if given the challenge pack. You do not know it from prior experience at home of giving her something she wants and she living up to the trust placed in her. So, even if you suggest it to the teacher, why would the teacher try it?

"More emotionally mature"? That is parental pride speaking. Unable to keep her hands off others' food even after repeated warnings is not mature, even for a 5 yr old. Natural personality won't vanish. It will get better channeled to work with others. If she does a little better at following rules, teacher will most likely have her help other kids, or give her small tasks like file papers etc.

My DD was like yours in some ways. Teacher denied her the chance to take paperwork to office which was a "job" many wanted. Around Nov, Dec, she learnt that some behavior means some "cool" things won't come her way.

Treasure these. I have a few loving memories when strangers or other parents complimented me. I was tempted to tell them, 'you can keep my child." But these are not reliable evaluations of our parenting or our child in any way.

Read the 1-2-3 Magic book. Peacefully and when not full of angst and frustrated. If husband is not the kind to read books, give him a summary. Pick a few things to follow from it. Do it consistently for 3 months. You will see improvement or your money back. : )

If you decide to go with the 1-2-3 Magic method, tell the teacher also what you are trying at home. Just knowing that parents are trying will mellow her down a little.

To watch one's child not get coveted things like 'challenge pack' is one of the hardest things to go through as a parent. The hardest IMO is child getting bullied or struggling to make even one friend, but being denied challenge pack when she has the academic ability for it is hard too. All these eventually default to "this too, shall pass." So, thicken that skin a bit, shrug those shoulders a little. All will be well. : )

 

gamma, I have already posted chapter-book long responses. Response to your follow-up questions will need me to look up current recommendations of age for gifted testing, what type of gifted testing to go for, how/do private schools take care of gifted students, how reading and math abilities are currently tested, how use of iPads and technology in KG has changed learning and teaching, and so on.

My experience is quite some years old. For example, when my DD was in KG, I felt bad that I was one of only SAHM's to send store bought cup-cakes while other moms sent fancy home baked cakes. Fast forward to now, when I visit the same KG classroom and same KG teacher, she tells me how strict the school is about no sharing, and no home-made food, and plenty of restrictions on store-bought food too. I thought the precautions were overkill in a time of trigger-happy suing by parents until I learnt just how quickly a child can die from eating or even inhaling the most innocuous of ingredients from popular children's snacks:
Food Allergy Bullying Leads to Death of 13 Year Old Boy, Arrest of Another | SnackSafely.com
Family shares tragic story of child lost as food allergies skyrocket

For now, without looking up the things I listed above, without finding reliable links to support my suggestions, I can say this:
- By December of the school year, most primary grade children fall in love with their teachers. : )
- Understand why the office visit happened and how serious that was.
- for now, try the 1-2-3 Magic method consistently and check out a Russian School of Mathematics nearby. Ask the teachers in RSM what their most talented 6 year old's do.
- Keep discussing with husband and reading up about conformance and subduing her personality and curiosity. As part of that, take a look at math competitions like Math Kangaroo, look at what local public, private schools look for in their science fair projects.