kids , kids and kids

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she
heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience
grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed in
to their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.

As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a
trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

____________ ___

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a
swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I
sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

____________ ___

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know
how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

____________ ___

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather' s word
processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "You know I can't read yet."

____________ ___

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color
it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun
for me, so I continued.

At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you
should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

____________ ___

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were
ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell
her what it was.

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take
the covers off thy neighbor's wife."

____________ ___

Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grandfather
about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under
the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had
kept him wide-eyed.

In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What
caused the submarine to sink?"

With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Grandpa, it was the 20,000
leaks!!"

____________ ___

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.

Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered "it's too late grandpa,
the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights. "

____________ ___

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm
not sure."

"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to
six."

____________ ___

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool
even though she was worried what the child may have been told.
"That's interesting, " she said, "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add
'es'

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Children's Logic:

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.

The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what
pregnant means?" she asked.

Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child.

____________ ________

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids
home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat
of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
discussing the dog's duties.

They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No, said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs",
she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant.