Kidnapped by Ego, Searching for my Home

This morning, I was running for the train, but my Metro Card didn't swipe properly, so by the time I swiped again, I missed my train. Naturally, I was annoyed.

I walked my usual waiting place, rationalizing that God didn't want me to take this particular train.

Then, I saw a young Desi (not sure if he was from India, or ABCD, but that's beside the point) gentleman who I usually see around the same time each morning. Even before knowing him, I had an opinion that he was a timid guy who couldn't fend for himself. The type of guy my dad would want me to marry. Thinking about it would make me furious.

About a few months ago, I corresponded with a guy who looked similar to him, and before I met him, my dad told me that even though he himself wanted a better groom for me, I myself have my own problems (i.e. forgetfulness, lack-of-attention, etc), hence I should give the guy a chance. That made me furious, but I went ahead half-heartedly. Spoke with him by phone, he sounded like my best friend, met him in person, and I wanted to run away. Afterwards, we dropped the correspondence (my father doesn't push).

Since then, we had situations beyond our control that put pursuit of matrimonial correspondence to a screeching halt. However, when I was alone, particularly in the morning, I would ruminate over and over, how could my dad think so poorly of me, and who does that guy (the one I corresponded with) think he is?

Eventually, I have been getting busy in other things. Work, taking care of my dad, and trying to create beautiful things, especially to assuage the inner beast.

Which brings me to the Desi at the subway stop. When I see him, and compare him to well-manicured, handsome white young men in suits I think, can't this guy get a shave, fix his hair, get better looking eyeglasses or contact lenses and wear something decent?

But this morning was different. Sure, when I saw him, I started ruminating about the last matrimonial correspondence.

But then, something interesting happened.

He got in the train, found a seat, and took out a financial newspaper to read (not sure of the name, but it wasn't the Wall Street Journal).

At that point, you could have blown me like a feather, although the jerky motion of the train did the same.

I failed to see the beauty of this guy!

I think I know who I am looking for, yet, I am clueless.

Sure, everyone wants the best of everything, and many people think they are better than the next person (this is a generalization, I know).

Because of this Ego, a person doesn't get married, doesn't have friends, etc, because they make a snap decision that a person isn't worth their time.

On the other hand, it is easy to get fooled by outside appearances. Just because a person is well-manicured, dresses nice, are they nice? Do they empathize with your hope, fears, and dreams? Will they stand by your side, no matter what?

Now, I don't know this Desi subway guy, he's just another New Yorker, but seeing him keenly read a financial newspaper (for me it's finance, for another person it may be fashion, etc) hit me like a ton of bricks.

How can you make a snap decision as to whether you will get along with a person or not? You have to OPEN YOUR HEART AND MIND first. You have to look for beauty, instead of getting fooled by outside appearances.

And for marriage, you have to ask yourself
- Can I make this person happy?
- Can I respect and support this person my whole life?

If I would have opened my heart and mind in my last matrimonial meeting, there is no guarantee that it would have clicked, but at least there would be no rumination and resentment. At least I would have known that I am utilizing what God gave me, which is more than what God gives most people.

And God gives you the tools to escape from the horrible oppressor called Ego, it's up to you to take the first steps.

 

Glad you enjoyed.

Since you asked, my name is Ziddhi.

 

I'm really glad you enjoyed this post.

 

Thank you, thank you, I whole-heartedly agree!