Keep my 4 year old in his play-based day care or move him to an academic one?

Seema2016 · Mar 7, 2016

My son has been attending a professionally run, highly regarded private day care center since he was 4 months old. The teachers are extremely attentive, nurturing, and do a great job taking care of the kids and entertaining them with fun activities. I have always felt that my son was well cared for and he loves going there. It's the only place he's known and I have peace of mind knowing he's well taking care of and happy. However, the director and teacher don't believe in teaching academics before age 6. They just do a lot of stories and songs and play activities. He does recognize his letters and can count to 20 but can only write a few letters and often reverses them. Compared to what I see kids in India his age fully writing all their upper case and lower case letters correctly, writing small words, numbers, adding, subtracting, and more. My son turns 5 in November and won't be eligible to start kindergarten until fall of 2017 so we have a year and half to. I am torn between keeping him at his current day care for another year or moving him to a more academic school this fall.

He is already in the 4-5 year old room and would in the same classroom for another year if we choose to stay (there are usually 18-20 kids per day with 3 teachers so he gets a lot of individual attention). They provide family style lunches and encourage the kids to try everything. If I move him to a more academic school setting, it will be up to 24 kids with only 2 teacher and I have to send lunch.

I've tried to sit down and teach him letters and numbers at home but he doesn't like to write and gets frustrated. He's very playful and has a hard time sitting still and focusing. We are also all tired after work so usually, it's just dinner, bath, and play/video time in the evening.

I feel bad because I have a hard time teaching him and his teachers think I shouldn't worry about academics at this age but I see how much ahead the kids in India are. Maybe I could keep him at his day care and send him to Kumon on Saturdays or should I change his school? If it was just a 2-3 hour program, I wouldn't hesitate to change his school in fall but he's in day care every day from 8-6 and its essential that he's well taken care of and happy for being there such a long time. Putting him a half day academic program is not an option because both the play based day care and the academic preschool are close to our house and we commute half an hour to work every day.

We intend on sending him to the neighborhood public school (highly rated 10 out of 10) for fall of 2017 and their on site after school program.

What would you do if you were me?

hope2b · Mar 8, 2016

Hope this helps. I would leave the kid enjoy childhood. In India it's different. Living in US, you should not compare to children here. Will add more later.Academic stress in kids spurring ADHD - TOI Mobile | The Times of India Mobile Site

butterflyice · Apr 13, 2016

@Seema2016, you have no idea what a great gift you have been giving your child. The environment that he has currently is indeed the best preschool environment.

There is plenty of research that points to play being the most important part of development in childhood (perhaps even in adults). Finland has one of the best academic systems in the world, kids start academics only at 8 years!! Since you are keen on comparing to India, may I remind you that kids in ancient India started education at a guru's ashram only at 8 years or later?

Children do not develop the fine motor skills required to write at 3 years!!! They are coerced to write. Certainly not pages and pages. I am sure the daycare does a good job of exercising these little muscles. You can help by letting the kid play with play dough, chapati dough would suffice too, doodling, coloring with crayons etc.

Ditch the kumon! You might want to start practising writing letters by cutting pasting pasta, noodles and then progressing to tracing and eventually writing. Trace on a tray of salt/sand.