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Kanyadaan should stop??

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Jhilmill, Nov 25, 2014.

  1. Jhilmill

    Jhilmill Silver IL'ite

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    Premchand was a rebel by nature. He married a child widow, Shivrani, in the year 1906 eventhough his biradri and family socially boycotted him. He not only wrote against practices likekanyadaan but also refused to practice the same at the time of his daughter‟s marriage. He wrote,“Why kanyadaan? Either we give lifeless things as alms or only cow among living things. Is the girl a cow?”

    I personally feel in hinduism (oldest religion) some practices have lost its significance like Kanyadaan...it not only give the boys parent a false hope of security , it is the sole reason behind the pain at birth of girl child in India and one of the main reason of mamma's boys coz they are not adult enough to make a separate home but expects high standard of maturity from women. Do you feel like Sati, this should be stopped or we need some male leader for that?
     
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  2. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Kanyadaan in hinduism is the greatest form of daanam. Thus if you look at it, a girl's father is luckiest to have had the punyam ( good deed) of doing the greatest form of daanam. If we look at it in a more detailed way, it is just that a father hands over his daughter's responsibility to another male such that she enters another stage of life, becomes a complete women, become a mother and even after the father's death there is somebody to take care of her. Kanyadaanam doesnt mean he is mortgaging his daughter to somebody. Its a ritual wherein I feel a father finds biggest happiness in his life. What if the daughter remains unmarried? However broad minded or bold we may become, we indians are traditionally inclined and every father from the day a girl is born wants to see his daughter as a bride some day. I dont know if you all will agree with me. Kanyadaan is not necessarily daanam of a girl. It is father handing over a girls hand to a guy to enable her to develop herself into a new individual handling more roles than being a daughter alone. And after kanyaadanam also, in most cases the girl remains her papa's girl..( atleast i am one) ..:) And speaking of mamma's boy, I would say only one thing.. people r the way they want to be. And in todays generation, it doesnt matter whether a child is boy or a girl because in the quest for earning a livelihood, most of the guys leave their parents and move on just like the girls.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    In my opinion...my girls are too precious to be given away as daan.
    We will not be giving away our daughters.They will be adults marrying adults.No need for daan.My husband is not interested in earning any punya by making our girls feel like give aways.It is easy because my husband and daughters are not religious.
     
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  4. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    In the past women could not survive without men taking care of them. In many cultures there are therefore customs that protect women. In our culture (scandinavia) there was similar concepts of giving daughters away for marriage, oldest son inherited the farm and took care of the elderly.

    The world has changed since that time. Women can live without being married, property is equally inherited etc. So the need for these outdated customs do not exist.
     
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  5. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    Modern or western does not mean puking over Hindu customs which had deep meanings. Unfortunately many dont understand the depth and act as neo modernites trashing deeply spiritual customs or texts. Ppl who think these texts put women lower cannot be MORE wrong lol, it is the reverse infact.
    It is in fact ignorance which causes ppl to write random stuff online saying this is outdated and blah without full understanding.
     
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  6. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    My only question is why is the indian culture inclined to think of a girl as a possession to propogate ideas like 'daan' n all?! U dont go doing daan of something dsnt belong to u?! A girl is a person of her! All this daan business tell me tht as a girl i am a possession like some show piece!!
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    In some western weddings, the father (or step-father) or somebody, usually male, "gives away" the bride. It is symbolic, yet a solemn occasion for the bride, the giver-away-person and all present.

    I like these little symbolic customs and traditions, and it is interesting to see more of them that are common across cultures. I was reading some here, and quite a few seemed familiar to Indian customs. The History of Wedding Traditions : Bride & Groom : BrideandGroom.com

    Maybe instead of doing away with kanyadaan, a groom-daan could also be started. Both bride and groom are given away by respective parents. They get into an autorickshaw and drive away after the ceremony. There is a sign on the back of the autorickshaw that says "buri nazar wali MIL, tera muh wala". Which translates to "MIL with evil eye, your face will become black".
     
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  8. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Maybe the groom is seen as a beggar who is given daan and his life goes from rags to riches after marriage.
     
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  9. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

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    No human being has the right to give another living being as dhanam. If he/she so wants punyam then let him/her dhanam oneself and not another innocent human being. What rights do they have? It is equivalent to killing an innocent goat in the name of sacrifice. Ths is mainly because it is always ONLY the girl that is given as dhanam, why not the guy too for the bride's family?

    I am ashamed of myself for letting my dad do this. we need to eradicate any kind of ineuality, double standard from our society if we need to be treated fairly.
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Not agreeing with a custom or wanting change is not equivalent to 'puking'.We can be adults here.

    I disagree with the symbolism that makes daughters into paraya dhan.That daughters are to give away while boys are keepers. Most of the social evils can be traced to this kind of thinking.

    :thumbsup

    In the west ,it is just symbolic.Unfortunately in India....it turns into an ugly reality where the girl is expected to loosen bonds with birth family that has given her away in daan and tighten her bond with the new family which has accepted the daan. It just reduces the girl to a commodity to be passed around ......much like the gau(cow) that is also given in daan.
     
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