Just wanted to vent =)

indigrl · Oct 8, 2009

Here is some background. I have been married for over 3 yrs and live in a joint family of 9 now (my oldest SIL just moved to US with her son and DH), my MIL, me, DS, DH, 2 single SILs and my oldest SIL with her DS and DH.

Since the beginning me and my husband pay for the house and all the bills. On top of that I also pay for youngest SIL car insurance and middle SIL cell phone bill. Even though they both work I haven’t had any problem with that. It’s total of $150 per month.
Yesterday my youngest SIL took my son (who is 2.5 yrs old) and nephew (who is 9 yrs old) to Chuck e Cheese. In the past so far whenever she took him with her she paid for him. Yesterday she asked $20 from my oldest SIL for her son and $20 from me to spend on my son. The way she said it, “Bhabhi give me $20 for your son. No free ride anymore”. I gave it to her.
I spend $100 on her every month for her insurance. On top of it, this year alone, I bought her an I-phone ($140), which she had told me she will pay for it but never did. For her birthday between me and my husband we gave her $250 worth of gifts and we gave her $1000 for my son’s mundan (hair shaving ceremony) and yet she can’t spend $20 on my son. Nothing has changed as far as her income. She makes good money for her and spends mostly on her. I don’t know if it was because now she has to spend on two of her nephews but it hurt me a little bit not enough to tell my husband but enough to complain to you guys about it. BTW, thanks for listening to me complain :rant It already feels better

lavii · Oct 8, 2009

cmon dear ignore it
good that u spend so much for ur family .we dont find many people taking up responsibbilties.
u know they are lucky to have u as bhabi
now that u said she never asked before and was happy to take ur son..there could be some reason behind her asking this time ..or ..may be she juz said it(probably her sister never pays ..or never cares) so she was asking both of u ..all these are may be's...but ur doing ur job and lets not expect someone to do the same

ashwini999 · Oct 8, 2009

may be she made a generalized statement so that she doesnt have to spend on any nephews....

Priya16 · Oct 8, 2009

indigrl,

There will be always small small thing goes in family.But slowly cutdown here insurance and tell her she has to take care,that way you don't repent later on.
Birthday gift and otehr things you did for your happiness and she din't ask.
Next time be careful what you are spending.There is no use of repenting later on.
If she earing good then I advise you cutdown her expensives.I don't know why you are guys are paying for it though?
Anyhow you might have to take your IL's.Not right now but slowly do it.
This is not a tit for tat but if you do that then you feel good and you dont keep in mind that you are doing favour for your SIL.

Take Care.

reshsabu · Oct 8, 2009

This is ridiculous!!! I can understand if she is not having an income of her on. If she is earning well , why should you guys pay for her car insurance and i-phone?? Whose idea is it? Your Dh's or yours?

IMO, giving her 1000 USD for ur son's mundan ceremony is way too much !!

Dont make a big deal of it now. Infact, there is no need to discuss about this to your DH.You can continue buying her gifts on occassions, but keep it less expensive (depending on how much she would spend to get gifts on your DH / son on their birthdays). There is nothing to feel embarassed about not buying expensive stuff for her.

If possible, going forward make some excuse to make her pay her car insurance by herself.

GiJoe · Oct 9, 2009

Looks like your SIL is having too much fun that she does not know that you and your DH are spending money on her this is the right time to put a stop to this, when she asked for $20, you should have said that from next month you should pay your own insurance, if you don’t then you will just become an ATM

poojagobi · Oct 9, 2009

hi,
must say you are doing a great deal already.
what i cant understand is that if she is already earning a decent amount, why must u pay for her insurance and daily expenses??????? birhday gifts etc is fine but maybe you shud consider asking her to deal with her car insurance for starters. you need to save for your son too.

tuliplady · Oct 9, 2009

You should just tell her "No free ride anymore" slowly divert insurance bills towards her..or just say "Give me X$ for your car insurance"

Cool1 · Oct 9, 2009

I agree to others...When you know you are doing so much then the least you can ask her is to pay for her own expenses..Since she is staying with you guys,she should take up some responsibilities...I commend you for your patience.She asking you for money to take your son out is Ok sincve she must be having something in her mind,but if You are paying her car insurance and you are not Ok with it then you can tell her this..it hurts if favours are not returned in a decent way...

asuitablegirl · Oct 9, 2009

I agree with Tulip. When the car insurance bill comes, just write on the envelope, "Sorry, no free ride anymore." And give it to her.

If she is an adult, old enough to work and have kids, she is old enough to pay for her own car insurance anyways. Seems to me in a joint family, one or two people get screwed paying most of the bills, while the rest just sit back and take advantage.

I think you should have a talk with everyone in the house about fairly dividing up the bills. Since EVERYONE works, everyone should be contributing financially to the upkeep of the house, and most definitely should be paying their OWN bills. The way you have been doing things so far is just crazy!