Just Venting!!

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by sm123, Nov 16, 2022.

  1. sm123

    sm123 Silver IL'ite

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    Just venting out and trying to get the things back on track.

    Reasons I see already...Hectic schedules for me at work,teenager tantrums,another kid activities stuff, MIL is around and DH recently lost his job.

    Instead of looking for new jobs or career options,DH is spending time or hiding in the basement with my MIL(god only knows what they talk..I am not even having time to think about it,as I am super busy at work)..

    In between,teeenage tantrums as usual...

    Never ending cooking and cleaning...Call it time,my dishwasher gave up :BangHead: washer/dryer/microwave are on their way :smash2:

    So,you can imagine my life since last few weeks.. I try my best all the time to look for positivity and come back,but it seems like the more and more I try,the more and more I am pushed too :)

    I understand I need to count on my blessings..but seems like my harmones also acting up..having the pre pms issues and long period cycles. I want these hectic schedules to go soon..But at the same time,somewhere in the world,someone might be praying to have the day go super slow for whatever reasons.

    May god/nature gives me the energy to come back soon and may be the things gets better soon for me and for everyone..
     
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  2. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    More power to you..
     
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  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Put yourself first @sm123. Give yourself a break. If you don’t look out for yourself, nobody will. It’s not like your spouse/MIL are saying: You’ve done this all day long alongside a full time job. Let me take care of the dishes. Try delegating and asking the spouse to wind up and go into your office and start working. Don’t even wait for an answer.

    Sorry about this. You’ve already been stressed enough and now this job loss. It’s hard. Sometimes you do need to vent. Glad you did.
     
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  4. maalti

    maalti Gold IL'ite

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    I can completely understand your plights. Just don't give up. Take care of yourself. Take a day off for yourself and spend the whole day alone. Watch some movie, go to parlour and groom yourself - just something which will make you happy. As @Laks09 rightly said, ask your hubby to wind up.
    Regards
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @sm123

    I have heard it enough times, but counting the blessings won't help all the time.
    People who have killed themselves or slipped into depression have some or other blessings in life. But what they lacked caused them into trouble.
    It is equally important to count on what you do not have, and act upon it.

    In your life, you may have many blessings, but at this moment you do not have peace of mind. You do not have a supportive family (H and kids). Both H & Kid have different problems, that is adding fuel to the fire.
    You do not have necessary machines to share your workload at home. You do not have time for yourself, and time for the family to share whatever their burden.

    This is all in addition to the already strained relationship you have with your H, and in laws. Plus your kid is turning to teenhood. Needless to say your own hormonal and health complications, that may add more pain to the already stressful life.

    Accept all this.

    This is the package you are blessed with. See how best you can manage this around.

    First of all, prioritize yourself!

    8-9 hrs job with a commute is already draining if you are approaching menopause.
    Leave the cooking, cleaning and maintaining the house job to your husband who is at home these days. He can enjoy the tasks with the company of his mother. Involve your kids if they can pitch in as necessary.

    Hire a maid, or part time helper as appropriate to help around the house if your H and MIL fuss with this responsibility.

    Whatever the decision, it will come with a cost.

    1) If you work and pay less attention to your body & mind, you will pay a big price for the same down the line. Your health, mental peace etc..etc... is very important, especially in such a family where there is lack of love and affection, you are left to care for yourself. No one will ever think for you, unless you do it for yourself. This is the time to act.

    2) If you ask your H to share the chores, or MIL to help in the kitchen, they will fuss. But, they will fuss for other things too.
    They might steal the kitchen and your control in the house. But who cares?
    You have other better areas to control in life.

    3) Your H and MIL may refuse to share the kitchen & household chores with you. Perhaps their tradition, upbringing, H's recent loss of job, insecurity, you name it.... may prohibit them from doing the chores. It is OK. This is not the time to argue or fight over this. This can kill your inner peace and fuel the fire.
    So, hiring helps or ordering food outside is the only available option.
    They can't say NO, when you say NO to overworking.
    Hiring helps may come with a price. But the entire family has to bear the burden. Not just you.
    This may be the cure for your health issues. Why not?

    Learn to say NO, and prioritize yourself, and let the world work on its own.

    You will be at peace. Because you can only control what you have. Do that in a more efficient manner.

    Kind regards
    Ida
     
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  6. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    Start to office like you do every day, but go book a nice (or simple) hotel room for yourself and just order room service or take out from your fav food. Go back home in the evening. Or check in your office if there are girls who live together. You can ask them if you can stay till they get back home - if you like it.
    I gave my house to a lady colleague who was in a similar situation as you. We were close and she used to come home frequently. One day, she just called and said shed like to stay at my place quietly as she doesnt have that at home "quiet". So she did. I just showed her the milk, tea powder, sugar, cookies, bed, blanket, heater setting, etc. And she was fine by the end of the day. But thankfully, she didnt overuse it.

    or just tell them you have a conference and go for a 2 day vacation, maybe with your teenager as it might help him/her also a break.
    You need that rest and reset. You cant afford burn outs for your own sake.
     
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  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I want to do this even though I don’t go to “office”. And I want to make it an entire week.
     
  8. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    go for it my friend ! let me know how it felt. Maybe you can rewatch the millionth rerun of FRIENDS on the hotel tv. Make sure your bag has a pair of pj pants and flipflops.. ooo I almost envy you already !
     
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  9. sm123

    sm123 Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry for the late reply..Got very very busy and I could not reply and yes @SGBV..you are right.

    Somehow I dont feel good these days. I am tired of lifting myself up again n again. I keep dealing with the days with positive note,but something or the other comes up(be it DH,or kid or inlaws or work or my crazy harmones or my body) and tests my patience.

    Some days are good and some are bad and some are worse..
     

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