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Just For Gag - Profile Information

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Thyagarajan, Oct 9, 2020.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: JUST FOR GAG - profile information :hello:

    NAME: GUESSMEWHO
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender:
    Female
    Relationship Status:
    Married
    City:
    Positive
    State:
    Optimistic
    Country:
    Bahamas, The
    Mother Tongue:
    Music ;-)
    Hometown in India:
    City known for its civic sense and salubrious climate in Tamilnadu. :)
    I work at:
    Mars/Chevvai Graham ;-
    )
    My Education:
    Onnaapu FAIL ;-)
    My life so far:
    50% Marabu-kavidhai + 50% Pudhu-kavidhai. ;-)
    My favorite Quote:
    Smile is a curve that sets everything straight. :)
    My favorite dishes:
    ChilDISH!!
    My favorite movies:
    Action, Horror, Mystery, Suspense, Thriller movies - I don't like any of these..hehehe..Prefer to watch one and only romantic-comedy flicks with happy ending. ;-)
     
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: Lie & Super Lie :hello:

    A corporate employee looking glum to his boss, asks for leave.

    "Sir, my wife is in final trimester and is unable to do on her own attend to household work. I think I must be with her to lend a helping hand. So, kindly permit me one atleat a week's leave."

    The boss retorts, "It is just the last evening your wife telephoned me and requested not to grant you leave under any circumstances as the moment you reach home, you begin to drink like fish and create unbearable nuisance. So no leave for you."

    The employee begin to walk nonchalantly telling "ok - sir," and stood at a little distance,
    paused for a moment then said,

    "Sir I've one more point."

    The boss said, "OK, go on."

    "Sir, Don't you think we two are best liars".

    "Why makes you say so?"

    "Sir, I am not yet married."
     
    SCA likes this.
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:
    Ladies Age - a conundrum

    Officer : Madam I need to complete this form... What is your husband's age & what is your age.?

    Lady : When we got married my husband was 25 & I was only 18... Now he is 50 yrs old, that is double... So, accordingly I am 36!

    The Officer is still calculating.!
     
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: Guru Shishya patasala :hello:

    Children Are Quick witted and Always call spade a spade

    TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
    MARIA: Here it is.
    TEACHER: Correct. Now I ask the class, who discovered America ?
    CLASS: Maria.

    TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.

    TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
    GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
    TEACHER: No, that's wrong
    GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
    (I Love this child s replica of me)

    TEACHER: Rahul-what is the chemical formula for water?
    RAHUL : H I J K L M N O.
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    RAHUL: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
    ( A Classic)

    TEACHER: ABHI, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
    ABHI: Me!
    ( Bowled Out)

    TEACHER: Rahul, why do you always get so dirty?
    RAHUL: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than YOU ARE.

    TEACHER: PINKY, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
    PINKY: I is...
    TEACHER: No, PINKY...... always say, 'I am.'

    PINKY: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet'
    ( You Asked for it)

    TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Hari , do you know why his father didn't punish him?
    HARI: Because George still had the axe in his hand......
    (Down to Earth)

    TEACHER: Now, VIJAY, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
    VIJAY: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
    ( So Practical)

    TEACHER: KRISHNA , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
    KRISHNA : No sir, It's about the same dog.
    (You want to adopt this kid)

    TEACHER: Barat, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    BARAT: A teacher
    (Really Frank)
     
  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Boy: I love U
    Girl : that is funny. I love VWXYZ and all other letters except....
     
  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: HELL WITH HEAVEN :hello:

    An Engineer passes away, lands in Hell.

    He is complaining to Yama & says, “What a terrible place ! It’s very hot, dark, smoky”

    Yama replies, “Well, what did you expect ? This is the Hell.”

    The engineer says “Do you have a compressor, some tubing, and wire ?"

    Yama responds, “Yeah, we might have some of those stuff around, I’ll check and see what I can find for you.”

    Yama finds the stuff & handover them to the engineer who starts designing improvements hell.

    After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, good lighting, flush toilets & escalators.

    The engineer turns very popular and in great demand around!

    One day God visits Hell and tells Yama, “Say, we had a mix-up. I was checking records & discovered that by error an Engineer got sent down to you. He should have come to Heaven. All engineers go to Heaven. You need to transfer him up here.”

    Yama says, "Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets, great lighting, and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. We like him! We’re going to keep him.”

    God is horrified. "That's clearly a mistake! He should never have gone down there in the first place! Send him up here immediately ."

    Yama says, "No way! I really like having an Engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him.”

    God says, “Send him back up here or I'll sue you !!!”

    Yama laughs, “Yeah, OK, good luck on that. Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

    Tidbit from kannadasan meeting in an assembly of lawyers and a judge.
     
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: confide in spouse :hello:

    "Why can’t men confide their tribulations and frustrations to spouse?" A tight man asked bar tender.
    " Sir, you can't discuss malaria with mosquitoes".
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2020

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