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Just Dont Understand Whats Running Inside My Mil's Head ! Need Suggestions

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by apsy, Jun 8, 2016.

  1. apsy

    apsy New IL'ite

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    My MIL has a daughter who is married and she is settled in US.My husband and me are in US too.My FIL is working in India.My in laws are pretty decent financially.They have 2 homes,their own savings and investments in stocks.Right from day 1 after marriage, my MIL has always been telling me that her daughter buys her a lot of things while my husband never buys them anything.Not just 1-2 occasions, she tells this EVERY SINGLE day, either when she visits us in US or I visit India.Her daughter is like a shopping freak, she buys anything she sees, and she immediately gets one for herself and her mom.My husband on the other hand is not the kind of person who hoards things at home.He infact sees the larger picture and he made sure he got good health insurance for his parents and pays the premium and helps them when they have expenses like tours,booking tickets,helps his father with buying stocks etc.My MIL constantly complains about my husband and I even suggested to my husband that he ask his mom openly if she needs any money monthly for their expenses for which my MIL answered in a rude tone that ' She is not in such a bad situation yet to live out of our help' ! I really hate listening to her complaints and seriously dont understand what she is trying to convey me. She says all this only to me and not to my husband ! I am also not very keen on buying stuff and hoarding at home(which she acknowledges herself) ! just dont understand why this bad name for us and all praise for her daughter and her husband.
     
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  2. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,

    You can tell your MIL about the things that your husband did for couple of times and tell her that she should acknowledge these things.

    Praise your husband in front of her for his financial planning and not spending money on useless stuffs.. And how lucky and safe you are feeling about the future and Tell her indirectly that its not good to buy things like that and you are not shopping freak...

    Tell her your Mom always appreciate that you are not spending on useless things.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2016
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  3. anupartha

    anupartha Gold IL'ite

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    Oh yeah..you must tell her, that you do buy stuffs....for your MOM!!!..ok jokes apart, how about taking her for once say, to some shopping anything like dj max to k mart..and buy her some thing..hard to stomach??..but then you may have peace of mind later..just find out whats her interest and you can get her some knick - knacks. Some people are just like that...no. they dont see the more valuable things you do. And dear, life is much more bigger than these trivial things..enjoy your present..never resent ..Cheers.
     
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  4. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    I would just ignore her, or I would ask her what the SIL bought for her MIL. Or next time she does that bring your DH into conversation and say Mummy ji says you do not buy her anything, isn't that sad, and then let him address her. Meanwhile you need to ignore her, or say to casual things like love is more important than materialistic things.
     
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  5. Lxcxxz

    Lxcxxz Senior IL'ite

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    So from your post it seems only your husband and his sister ever buy things for your mil. Do you never go shopping with her? I take my mil to the mall, to get her hair done, get her favourite beauty products etc, things I'd do for my own mum. The comments might stop if you start acting more like a daughter, just an idea.

    Personally I hate this idea that buying gifts for someone is a waste of money unless it's 'necessary'. It's not. You can really lift someone's spirits with a thoughtful gift.
     
  6. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell your son. Keep repeating this sentence every time.
     
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  7. Vaniquest

    Vaniquest Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Apsy,

    You don’t have to take your MIL comments seriously. Because, even if you give importance to her and buy everything, there is no guarantee that she will praise you and your husband.


    Instead ignore. Don’t let it bother you. Even if someone has to take the trouble to bother about your MIL comment, it should ideally be your husband and not you. Please don’t lose your peace over an issue that is not relevant to you.


    From the post, it looks like you and your husband are helping your MIL in whatever way you can. That is enough.
     
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  8. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

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    Tell her, even if your husband don't shop anything for her, he cares for his parents by health insurance, tours other expenses etc, which is more important than some fancy shopping. Tell her not all people are same even if they are siblings. People think and cares for their parents in different ways. Convey it clearly to your mil. If she still doesn't get it, ask your husband to deal with it.
     
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  9. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    Every single day is too much. I think that she talks about this to you and not your husband every single day is because she just wants to annoy you and your husband. If your husband is helping them in all the important financials circumstances in life and do not spend frivolously on stupid gifts that do not ever appreciate in value, you must support him in that. Few ways to do that is- when MIL calls/ nags in person, actively and verbally support your husband (e.g we are financially intelligent couple, we don't spend our hard earned money on frivolous things- not for us , not for anyone else, if you ever have to go shopping with her- do not spend money on things you don't need for yourself or husband.) The idea is she should get the direct message that you don't spend money on things for yourself, husband or ur family (your mom and dad). So why should you do that for her?
    And if she is too egoistic to accept monetary help from your husband, tell her that she can buy whatever she wants with her husband's money. IT is easier to crib for things from someone else than yo earn them by herself.
    Another easiest way is to ignore her totally ( like i pretend i never listened to her in the first place, the moment she starts talking, i pick my books/ put my earplugs in the phone and start listening to music.) In my case, she just got too frustrated and insulted by me ignoring her completely that she stopped talking ******** with me and husband. Always remember, control the conversation. You have the power as to how much you give/ take away control from her.
    Hope it helps!
     
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  10. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hahahaha.. Next time she complains to you, listen to every bit and tell her "I have been telling the same to your son. Why don't you tell him? He might listen to your words better than mine"!
    This is almost the same thing which happened to me too.. my MIL and SIL are pretty close and MIL wants my husband to buy her stuff and not to burden her daughter and her family. MY husband being a bit distant doesn't care. Later, MIL started to complain to me that how in his family boys are supposed to sponsor certain stuff to parents (blah, blah) I just told her to talk to her son directly, which she doesn't have the balls to do it. She didn't bring it up with me again and I doubt she gave my husband the same speech.
     
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