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Just A Vent! Some Positivity Will Help!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Chocolatey, Mar 5, 2021.

  1. Chocolatey

    Chocolatey Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all, I dont know how to explain my problem. I am feeling so depressed. Feeling very much lonely with no one to share my thoughts. I cannot share with my parents or friends.
    I am married and have a kid. We live abroad away from our family. I dont have any friends in our place. My kid and my husband are only real people in my daily life now. I spend most of the time with my kid only. I dont get any free time to do things I like. I dont get to talk with someone who understands me. When husband is home, I try to have a conversation with him but he just says something and puts me off. This may not seem like a serious problem. But only I know how terrible I feel. I dont feel any connection with my husband anymore. Lots of misunderstanding between us had brought me to this stage. But he is not at all worried about the disconnect. Except our kid there is nothing between us. This covid home bound situation made me more to depend on him. I only expect him to just listen to what I talk. But he knows what to say exactly to put me down and I burst out in anger bringing out past things. I am worried about my kid too.
    I hope I will feel little bit better after venting it out here. Some positive words or guidance will make feel better.. Thank you!
     
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  2. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    COVID has changed everyone’s life. You are not alone. Millions of people are stucked at home. Many people don’t have jobs or food or roof.
    Do you have job? If not can you focus on getting one? How old is your kid? Can you drive car and go grocery store? Can you try to meditate, do yoga, breathing exercises? Breathing improves mood. Also eating healthy, exercise, good sleep improves mood.
    If your husband not treating you well tell him nicely how you feel. Try to communicate in different way which will be effective. Try to make friends in neighborhood.
     
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    You said you don’t get time to do things you like. But still focus on yourself, may be morning get up early and do what you like, so you can feel good, be happy person.
     
    Chocolatey and anika987 like this.
  4. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    When there is nothing to look forward to, only anger will arise.

    You might want to think about what both of you enjoy together and schedule time for that. Might sound mechanical, but if you like to watch movies, every friday evening, you must make it a point to do that. Every saturday or in the mornings, go for a walk as a family.

    Good routines pave way to more good things and the opposite is true as well.
     
    drdiva, Chocolatey and anika987 like this.
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Honestly..I feel it’s how you see things:)
    I used to feel like you few months back but Now..

    I am so glad to have my peace and quiet.

    I do not have to meet some people whom I really don’t want to.

    I go to grocery,walks,do yoga and gym(easily one can find time if you want to and if you are a homemaker you can wonderfully use the time)

    I took hobbies I like.I read books I like.

    No small talk.

    I am a person who enjoys being on my own too and I love my home and work around the house.

    I keep a routine these days and get work done around it.

    You can educate yourself for sometime a day with any courses or even documentaries or learn something you like.


    I am so very glad these days to be away from my toxic relatives and used this opportunity to maintain a distance with them.

    I connect with people I like,call up few people without any expectations and spend time with them.Infact,I thank them for giving me few minutes of their day and talk to me.I don’t even care if they do not call me.I am glad for their time for me.


    I do the things I need and do things I love.


    I spend time watching lovely movies,listen to songs,cook healthy meals.


    Accept your situation and husband the way he is.There is a disconnect yes but I assume he is not a bad person.Try to do a bit of things he love.Even when you are home,dress fresh and maybe make some
    Dishes or something he might like.Give him the space he needs.I am sure one day he will come back to you.Start being happy with yourself and he will notice.


    Mostly importantly,reduce/avoid social media.

    Pray God and have gratitude for the blessings in your life.

    Cheer up.Good luck dear:)
     
    iyerviji, pinkydarling, Roar and 9 others like this.
  6. amulya2020

    amulya2020 Senior IL'ite

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  7. amulya2020

    amulya2020 Senior IL'ite

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  8. amulya2020

    amulya2020 Senior IL'ite

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    Your situation sounds very much like mine. I know how it feels when no body is around to talk and share. But I have started doing few things which are making things lot better than before.

    Firstly, try to make a list of things that makes you happy. It could be any hobby, dance, creative side, getting to know more about fashion( productive/non- productive but gives you joy) and secondary productive things- things that you helps you to be the person in future. ( developing communication skills, career related, cooking, etc according to your interest). Then try to incorporate them on weekly basis whenever you are free. ( it might not be on daily basis, as with kid it might not be always possible).

    Secondly, try to include excercise in your routine. It could be yoga, aerobics, Zumba dance or anything. Make it as any other routine like brushing, taking shower etc. initially I also used to hesitate to do regularly. But when I realized being a women(primary care taker of whole family) it’s very important for us to be healthy. And once my mind and body habituated with the idea. I don’t see it as a big deal, I’m some what used to it.

    Make a wish list, that you are excited and brings pleasure to you and that you might expect from your partner. Once in a while try to fulfill them. Don’t wait for someone to do it for you.

    Try to read good quotes, motivational words or watch inspiring videos, Listen to music or on your kid needs.

    Basically keep yourself busy and positive. Coming to sharing things you can always try to explain your husband when he is in relaxed and understanding mood. If not you try to share with friends on phone. If in case no one is available, put your thoughts on a piece of paper or note it down in the phone. By that way, you will feel lighter.

    Finally, for a kind of hubby who not bothered much about you. Try to ignore him, be very specific with him that you are not taken for granted. This might grab his attention to some extent. And when you yourself are very happy and positive it automatically draws his attention to some extent.
    And nowadays I’m trying to do this thing. So the only emotion my husband has is good other than that what ever I say through any means- request, serious, upset etc he doesn’t care. I usually used to make extra dishes like daily snacks in the evening, show some spl care. With him being behaving like uncaring and is in his own world. I started showing less care comparatively or stopped doing some extra services like making snacks or making spl dishes frequently. This ONLY THIS made him realize or made him think from my end and change his rude behavior to some extent.

    This might be little lengthy but hope it might be helpful for you to some extent.[/QUOTE]
     
  9. radv

    radv Gold IL'ite

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    OP - as others are saying don’t be available to him 24x7. Have some me time.
     
    pinkydarling, anika987 and Chocolatey like this.
  10. Chocolatey

    Chocolatey Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you @ProudIndian , @KashmirFlower , @Thoughtful , @anika987 and @amulya2020 for your replies!
    When I read all your replies I can see that the solution to my problem is just before me and only I have to take steps towards it. I feel much motivated now. I dont know whether its my mind or my body that makes me feel drained out all the time. I dont feel like doing any of the activities I used to do. But I will remember all your words and push myself hereafter.
    Thank you all for taking your time to help me out!!! You all are amazing!!!
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2021

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