Jamai raja vs bahu rani (Son-in-Law vs. Daughter-in-law!)

Dear Friends,

Pls dont think this is another saas bahu story in star plus or colours. I have a question in my mind which i want to speak aloud in this forum.

we say that the daughter in law is the mahalakshmi of the house and the son in law as the mahavishnu. Even in our marraige customs the bride's father washes the feet of the groom assuming that maha vishnu has come to marry his daughter. But no where in any custom the daughter in law of the house is treated in same fashion.Friends pls tell me if this custom of ours is valid in today parlance.

I would love to hear from all of you

Warm regards
Vidhya

 

I have brought up this question to know what is the stand point of younger people like us when it comes to the question of our childrens marraige in future. I do not just question the symbolic nature of this custom but the aftermath which follows as well. Does the daughter in law given the same level of respect in the family as the son in law. Does the bahu Rani turns to naukrani? are the parents of daughter in law treated in par with the parents of son in law. Has these things changed in our 21st century. will we atleast bring these changes when it comes to our children's marraige?

Charity begins at home....same way change should also begin at home. will we allow these changes to happen in this society.

Pls think aloud



Warm Regards
Vidhya

 

Of the 57 viewed dont even 1 feel worthy enough to comment on this subject posted...i am really surprised

 

I really appreciate you for your response.

Thanks a ton

Warm Regards
Vidhya

 

Dear Friends,

My question to this forum is not about the relationship between MIL and DIL. the question is about the differential treatment towards DIL and SIL.

Does a family see the son in law and the daughter in law in the same way?

Warm Regards
Vidhya

 

Dear Friend,

There is no comparison of apple to orange. Nor the ritual of kanyadhan being mocked here. We all understand it is sacrosant.The question here is all about how we have differential treatment to our dil and sil. If washing the feet on the groom by the brides father is a ritual...why the mahalakshmi (DIL) who comes to your house is not honoured in any such fashion.

warm regards
vidhya

 

Dear Friends,

Assuming the rituals and customs are created with all good intentions, but why does the society see the SIL and DIL differently.All my question is be it ritualistic or customary or in the daily routine life dont women need to be placed in the same pedastal as men. Why the bahus are not treated in par with the jamai?

This question was triggered in my mind when certain incidents happened in my life....let me share that with u

It was the occassion of my sister in laws valaikappu. My Il's are from different place they were to reach the chennai only on that morning. I was also newly married. My husband had to come from abroad for this function. His flight was to reach by 4 pm but it reached only at 9 pm....so we called up my SIL and told her that we will come on the next day early morning to pick her up from her IL place.( this function has been planned to be organised in chennai for her il's convenience who have landed from dubai). When me and husband went to pick up my sister in law the next day morning. Her mil started behaving strangly. She started shouting that your IL's dont know respect...they didnt come in person to invite us.but rather the fact was my SIL IL's have landed only the previous day morning at chennai. But my IL's have invited them over phone in dubai for the function. She started saying to me " more than your parents only we should be respected by your IL's. Your parents after all are not equal to us. you are only girls side?"......i was really taken aback on hearing this nonsense early in the morning.I really didnt understand where came my parents in this topic.I had task in hand...so i had to neatly handle her.Me and my husband told her in a very silent way that we are taking our SIL...and you please attend the function. That lady started saying that our brother in law will not attend it as her is not invited properly. I stood up and told her politely....it is getting delayed and we are going along with our SIL. Pls make yourself available as per your convenience.She was taken aback by my statement.........and they were the first ones to reach the function site.

This wasnt the only incedent.....there were lot more.My question is you are a Jamai or grooms side...what is different in you from me...two horns? After all it is only kanyadhan which happens as the earlier post say...in all cases the giver is in higher pedastal than the receiver.atleast treat them equally.

Not only ILs but my parents and me (all those so called brides side are tried to be downgraded at one go. Arent these sought of human beings corrupt the society?

Dont reforms in our marital system required.....what is customary downgrading the brides side. we have to stop it as a society.we want our daughter in law to act as daughters to the family...what happens to son in law if he acts as son...then we say he has become gulam to his wife and wife side.

If two individuals get married to each for their happiness of their life and mutual benefit and well being of their familes...where come you are higher and i am lower.

I would also want people voice on the reforms they want in the society with respect to marraige as a ritual and custom and also marraige as an institution as a whole. what needs to change for the women and in society.

Warm Regards
Vidhya