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It happens only at In-laws's house

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by coolpinky, Mar 6, 2013.

  1. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Ardhra, I love the way you have handled them. About cooking, I did tell DH a couple of times in the past to zip it if he didn't have anything nice to say. I've drilled it into his head (and fil's) that if he can't appreciate something I've taken pains to do, he MUST mind my feelings.

    Recently when a dish didn't quite come out as usual(it was quite bad actually though I'd never admit it to him!), he said, "I liked it better the previous time." I retorted it was fine as it is. He says, "well, this is ok but it's just that you've set a really high standard for yourself" He never ceases to amaze me these days by finding such diplomatic things to say about bad cooking!
     
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  2. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    hi vini,
    Liked your say.. and I think this applies to all the inlaws. Double standards!!!hugsmiley
     
  3. geetalakshmi

    geetalakshmi Gold IL'ite

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    Mine also has the same view
     
  4. ardhra

    ardhra Gold IL'ite

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    Ha ha ha... CP, he thinks his mom will prepare for him till his last day.. :bonk

    Comming to visiting babhi, he'll have to spend 2 lakhs for each round about trip as they stay in the US laugh1smiley

    I think it would be better to accept my cooking rather than spending so much to get his favorite food yumsmiley
     
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  5. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    And the prodigal wife wasting the son's hard earned money! What used to get my goat was the fact that my earnings were considered my DH's and even a coffee I drank outside was considered a wasteful and undeserved expenditure.

    I quit work a few years ago and mil makes a point of commenting on anything I "wasted". While changing my baby's nappy when I reach for the second wet wipe mil used to comment, "It costs money. You are wasting so many." My dismissive and diva-like replies keep these at bay. "We can afford it!" "Stop commenting on things that don't concern you." "My husband earns for me and my child. It's no one else's concern." "Go to another room if my 'wasting' bothers you." "I don't want to hear about it."

    Ardhra, I appreciate your patience in answering such persistent badgering about health. "How I wish it were different!" "Aren't you luck to have a great constitution!" "Let's see who my child takes after" are some polite replies that came to my mind. However in you position I think I would have been very dismissive - "you really underestimate modern medicine! You must read up about advances and broaden your mind"
     
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  6. ardhra

    ardhra Gold IL'ite

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    Co-sis is ultra modern and an athiest.. I do not have anything to do with that.. I just feel that its her way and its her life.. So, I never comment on anything about her. Since we share a good relation between us, we make it a point to appreciate eachother and tell each other that this suits more, that suits more, etc... Nothing serious :)

    When MIL was visiting them and was nervous going to US, I had brought her all she wanted (All brand new)... I had given her whatever I thought would be necessary.. MIL got a "Lalitha Sahasranama" book and told that she would give it to my co-sis and will ask her to read it.. (This is because I read it whenever I want to and whenever I feel I should)

    MIL returned from US... I was undoing her bag and came across this book.

    Me : Oh, did you forget this? You said you would give this to her
    MIL : No, she is in such a place, she cant read all this... They have restrictions for everything.. She does not even light a lamp in front of GOD..
    Me : Hmmm... Its ok, they have to be like that only if its strict.. Inside (Which country has a restriction on what you read??? That too inside your house :bonk)


    Then MIL showed some used compact, used Olay cream, used body lotion, etc... 1 small bag full of these things..

    MIL : She is so generous, she has given me so many things to use
    Me : Its all used :confused2:
    MIL : You wasted money on new ones and gave them to me when I was going but, she is so thoughtful, she knows she should not waste things.. So, has given this to me.. She is more intelligent than you.. She is so good...
    Me : Ok..

    God, even after these many episodes, she still supports her everytime and also tells my DH that she is such a nice DIL... :bang
     
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  7. ardhra

    ardhra Gold IL'ite

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    Well, patience... They have taught me that... I once told all this to my mom and was crying unconsolably... This is what my mom told... "No one can see through the future.. If you give birth to a baby its their baby if its good and healthy.. Its your and our(my parent's) baby if its not good and is unhealthy... If it grows and achieves something then its like its dad... If it fails and falls sick its like its mom... But, never answer any of these stupid things and never take all this into mind. Whenever they tell this, just turn to God and pray for some strength.. The day your child gets to know all this, it'll always be on your side and will shut everyone's mouth... That is the day you'll really WIN"...

    This keeps me going... I just pray God to give me more strength... :)
     
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  8. coolpinky

    coolpinky Platinum IL'ite

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    Ardhra,

    Learnt your lessons from this?

    Anyways first lesson from my side. Never decide yourself on what would be good to give MIL. Better take her along with you and let her buy all that she wants.
    Second Lesson :Never ever give a helping hand to MIL in her personal work. (You emptying her bag)
    Third Lesson : Dont even open any topic by yourself. That would bring you nothing except additional headache
     
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  9. ardhra

    ardhra Gold IL'ite

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    :iagree ..

    Before going to US, she was praising me telling that I had helped her.. So, thought it would be the same...

    She only asked to empty her bag as she was busy in some other work and there was guests to come... so did it :hide:

    Yes, I must not open any topic by myself... :)

    But still I do not understand.. How a person can give such used things to someone... That too to an elderly person... I am seriously stuch :drowning
     
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  10. coolpinky

    coolpinky Platinum IL'ite

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    Apart from giving, there is something called taking away also....
    Did you get it???? Foreign Maal Na!!!!!! That is why....
    Oh my god Looks like I am in full swing today :banana
     
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